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“But you’re the sun, Face! You’re the sun that shines on everything and makes it all light and you’re the thing makes us know right from wrong—and when you left we got worse, but now you’re back.”
“You think you’re saved?” “Nah, I doubt it—” Julian shrugs and lets out a small laugh as he takes another big gulp of wine. “Probably a bit loved, though.”
you can ask anyone and they’ll tell you for free (even though the lesson itself often comes at great cost)—love isn’t enough, and it will hardly ever set you free.
“You’re not going to ask to be excused?” his dad calls after us. “Why would I?” Christian stops in his tracks. “You didn’t when you excused yourself from our lives.”
“I’m not entitled,” she says and across the table BJ snorts. I snap my head in his direction, eyebrows up. “That was a sneeze, yeah?” I stare him down and he says nothing, just glares at me. “Gesundheit.”
You’ve wanted me for—hmm…” She pretended to think about it and glanced over at Kekoa. “What would you say, Kekoa—four or so years?” Koa was biting back a smile, gave her a little nod. “Reckon it’s more like five.” Thought about firing him for that.
she looks over at me, best face I ever saw, with those honeypots for eyes and I don’t know what I’m doing, whatever just happened, what we’ve just started up again. I don’t care. Whatever it is, I’m in.
I make a mental note to buy everyone a group therapy session for Christmas this year.
“Say it again,” Julian barks as he shoves Carmelo. (“Feelings have entered the chat,” Declan whispers to no one in particular.)
“Let me be clear now then, Daisy—” Gives me a tall look. “I am fucked up in love with you.[*9] Have never stopped loving you, since the second I realised I did, and I admit it, it took me too long to know it but I know it now, and I can’t unknow it. I don’t want to unknow it, I want to be with you.” He tells me, not looking away once.
“You and me are one hundred per cent together, Dais.” I give her a look. “Boyfriend/girlfriend, life partners, mi familia es tu familia—” I shrug like she’s an idiot.“Call it whatever the fuck you want, Dais—I don’t care.”
I wanted her to be happy more than I wanted me to be happy.
I’d probably stick my hand in a blender if it’d make her smile.
His head pulls back. “Do you know who you’re talking to?” Daisy Haites, love of my fucking life, cocks an eyebrow. “Do you?”
I look between them. “We should tell Beej—” Jonah looks over at me sharply. “Are you fucking daft?” “Yeah?” Julian says, eyebrows up. “What’s he going to do, smoulder down the barrel of a gun?”
“I didn’t actually say that I like you now, by the way—” I call to her through the toilet cubicle. “I said I don’t want to have you killed anymore.” She swings over the door and gives me an unimpressed look. “Well, coming from you that’s practically a hug.”
she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen it
She is the goddess in the Botticelli clam shell, her eyes are the waterlilies in Monet’s pond, she is the hand of God reaching down to mankind. Klimt’s kiss is a portrait of us and I’m gonna steal it. Take it, make it mine, make her mine too. Maybe do that one first.
I love her more than I’ve ever loved anything and I thought I might have been able to angle it, find a way for us to work. A life between where I can be who I am and love her how I do and it not be the death of her, but it’s not on the cards. I’d be the death of her, and I won’t be.
As soon as they’re gone I lock myself in Jonah’s office. Punch a mirror, tip a bookcase over, scream into my hands because I miss her and I already don’t want this. But it’s done now. She’s safe. I stare at my bloody hands, trembling again.
“You are a very dangerous man, Julian. I know that. But I do hope that you know that above that and before that, you really are actually quite a good man.” Fuck me dead and write that on my tombstone, then. I flick her an edge of a smile. “See ya, Tiges.”
