Magnolia Parks (The Magnolia Parks Universe, #1)

by Jessa Hastings

I stare at my reflection in his bedroom mirror. Tilt my head, squint my eyes and pretend like I’m the only girl who’s been in here lately.

Before I even know I’m doing it, I push back from the table, feeling light-headed—spinny and panicked—but I’m not having a panic attack, because I don’t have those, those are for people who aren’t in control of their lives and I have a handle on everything, absolutely everything, especially my heart.

🤪

You know how when you’re in school, the hottest things in the world are sexy bed hair, shoulders and skating? He hit the trifecta.

Painful things can still be beautiful things, in case you didn’t know.

two, I think fragrances are important. They leave a mark on your mind in a way other things can’t. Old books. My sister. Milky sweet tea. Marsaili. Hoyo de Monterrey. My father. Menthol cigarettes. Bushka. Chanel No. 5 and Rosehip oil. My mother. Cardamom and leather. A one Baxter-James Ballentine. Musk and orange blossom? The worst day of my life.

“It’s very easy to take break-ups like a champ if you strictly date twats.”

🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻

That’s what we do. Spend all our time together, get too close, get too scared. He’ll fuck around, I’ll get a boyfriend again soon. He’ll hate him, probably so will I, and BJ and I will be back to normal.

Intrigued by this dynamic

The magical ingredient in our social circle that enables us to still function after everything we’ve been through and done to one another: denial. (And alcohol.)

It’s funny how your brain copes with trauma. Everything fell silent at that point. Silent and slow. Billie Holiday playing in the background of my mind as they lifted his limp body onto the stretcher.

the Easter egg

how many loves do you get in a lifetime? I remember wondering that. How many people will look at me like he does, not just like I’m the sun but like I’m the whole goddamn universe.

She doesn’t look like Parks. No one does. That’s the interminable problem of my existence post Magnolia Parks. She’s the only one. Only one whose shit I’ll put up with, the only one who fucks me over and around and who I’ll stick around for, the only person who’s ever had my heart in a headlock.

I’m a sheer wonder and an utter delight wrapped in Gucci and sprinkled with cheer and goodwill, and I’m being motherfucking stonewalled.

“I find material possessions incredibly fulfilling.”

same babe

Holy fuck, she’s beautiful. That’s my first thought every time we do this. She’s so fucking beautiful. I can’t believe she loves me.

“Were you jealous?” he asks. “When you found out I kissed her?” I feel embarrassed that he could tell and I’m grateful it’s dark out so the colour in my cheeks can’t be seen. “Yes,” I tell the stars. “But you mustn’t read into that—I’m quite possessive and renowned for being a terrible sharer.”

mhmmmm

We get in the car and go. Just drive for a while in silence. Her chest is heaving. I’m watching her close for tears. They’ll come, now or later, I can’t tell yet with my focus split between her and the road, but she will cry, and I’ll make it better.

“I need a shower.” She gets up and starts walking there, then pauses without looking back. “Are you coming?” I stand up wordlessly, follow her in. Don’t read into it. She’s done this forever. She doesn’t like being in bathrooms by herself. Doesn’t like to be alone with her thoughts. Her brain gets loud in the shower. I sit on the edge of the bathtub, stare at my hands—do my best not to peek out of the corner of my eyes and watch her get undressed.

Anyway luv him

“Can I sit here?” “Oh, of course.” I wave my hand dismissively. “However, you must be careful as I have been known to orgasm spontaneously in public—oh wait, no—you know what that looks like. You’ll be fine.”

JAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA

She’s picking at some cheese because she always has the appetite of a bird except for when she’s drunk and then she has the appetite of a kraken.

We head down to the bar, have a few drinks. Not too many, just enough to take the edge off and at this point I have a lot of edges.

i also frequently have many edges

“Can you wear a dress that makes the whole world stare at you?” “Do they not already?”

“Would you like to have sex?” How many lemon drop Martinis is too many?

The coercion came about because my father said he wouldn’t pay my credit card bill this month unless I attended, and I clarified whether attendance was the only prerequisite and he said yes, so firstly, he’s an idiot and secondly, obviously I had that drawn up by my legal team and now that bitch is iron clad.

pls let me be on retainer for a london socialite

She could have lopped off my entire arm and if she looked a bit sad about it, I’d offer her my other one if it’d cheer her up.

🤰

I know that some love is beautiful, and some is freeing, some unravels you, some love poisons you, some blinds you, some betters you, and some loves break you in invisible ways that no one else knows about until you have to stand up and the weight of your love crushes your bones.

except that sometimes, some loves keep your head above the water when you’re drowning.

Parks saw her name pop up once while she had my phone. In response, she put on The Notebook and Ubered in McDonald’s just for herself. Didn’t speak to me till the next morning.

and that’s completely respectable

I can never really tell how I feel about something till I get a bit fucked up over it.

hehehehe

It’s strange, don’t you think, the way we attach to people. The way our best intentions are cast aside, and the seed gets deeper into the soil of us than we planned and their place in our lives grow roots. I don’t think we’re supposed to love people lightly. I don’t think we’re supposed to love them a little bit and move on.