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January 19 - January 26, 2024
He Loved Her. I hope that’s what they’ll say about me.
It’s a deep dive into the darkness, hoping I pull up into some light.
“I love you,” I tell him and the windows of my heart burst open. The room fills with a thousand turtle doves and one little deer.
“I love—I’m in love with you.”
Do I love her? Of course I fucking love her.
So I just pushed her from my mind. I put her in the cupboard under the stairs and played the sound of Jordan really loud to drown out the banging of how much I loved Magnolia.
and then my favourite sparring partner arrives: Petty Parks.
“How’s the weather, Parks?”
How’s the weather in there?
Touching Parks is like touching no one else. It’s like coming home. Even before when I used to touch her all the time, my hands on her body would brush away the heaviest days.
I’ll never let anyone else touch her again.
On his index is a tiny storm cloud with a bolt of lightning coming out of it; on his middle finger, above the old lilac that was already there, is now a cloud with a small sun poking out behind it, and then on his ring finger is a little sun.
“How is the weather, Beej?”
“I missed you, Parks,”
“Don’t do that again.”
“Do w...
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“Leav...
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Loving something as much as I love her fucks you up a bit, have I said that before?
The salt water in the cuts all over my body, all over who I am.
“Listen to me—listen! There’s no one in this world that’s worth Magnolia Parks sitting on the floor of a club toilet.”
“Better watch it, bro—she’ll be coming for you next.”
LIVID RN
She takes a long sip. “Fucking, Beej.” Back over me with a fucking truck, why don’t you, Parks?
I could, might actually, literally hate myself.
as u should
“I just want to say, and I really do mean this with every fibre of my being—”
“Fuck. Your. Self.”
And do you know, it is the strangest thing—for all the ways that he’s allegedly the most dangerous man in the country, I feel unbelievably safe with him.
am i... team julian??
sweet nothings,
he also can then be rather chivalrous—opens doors, puts on my shoes, carries me over puddles—things
My girl.
Rummage through the drawer in my mind as fast as I can to find the words to tell her that I’m coming for her, I’m on my way back, that this is just the long way home.
BJ looks so cross, if I could, I’d pour his expression into a Martini glass and take a big sip.
“I just know you, Parks.”
How’s the weather?
“I mean he’s in everything—everything. I’m always thinking about him and I want to know what he thinks, I want to know what he wants. And I worry about how he feels and whether he’s safe and what he’s doing.”
Love fucks you up, man. In what world, what shit has to happen between you and someone that you miss just being able to stare at them, because I’ve missed staring at her.
“I would have done anything for you. Cheated for you, lied for you. I would have died for you. I think maybe I kind of did.”
“That we’d be the ones who’d hurt each other more than anyone else?”
She pulls away from me and as she does, I slip my heart in her back pocket. That’s a lie. She already had it. But I give it to her again for good measure.
I find him—watching National Geographic.
stop it rn
I love watching him. It’s my favourite pastime. I used to lose hours just following him around from room to room at the weekends. How he’d butter his toast, how he’d drink from the carton, how he’d bite an apple, how he’d hug his mum. The way he’d hold his phone, the way he’d spin the remote on his index finger. The way he’d open a door. I loved the way he’d sit, the way he’d lean, where his hands would fall—and that was just the mundane things.
not
just in love with him but a whole wonderful, terrifying, beautiful, painful life with him.
“Why are the buckles on your shoes so large?” “I don’t know, Magnolia.” She scowls. “I didn’t fucking cobble them myself.”
“You realise you’re talking to one of the most powerful men in the country?”
“I realise I’m talking to a man who I had on his knees last night, telling me he’d do whatever I wanted
“Martini,” I tell the bartender. “Wet and dirty, please.”
