More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
What I don’t realize is that I’ll be fighting the urge to stare at Jasper Gervais for years to come.
Plus, I remember how Sloane looks at a man when she really wants him. And she isn’t looking at her fiancé the way she used to look at me.
“Raise your voice at that woman one more time and I will drop you like a stone, Woodcock.”
Sloane is selfless. She might not look it, but she’s strong. She’s a got a huge heart. A gentle soul. And watching her comfort Harvey right now, I let myself admit that the way I love Sloane might not be how one friend loves another at all.
“I think that’s not the type of energy I want to put out into the universe for him right now.”
“If Beau is out there, he needs our good energy. He’s too . . .” One hand rolls around in front of her as she searches for the word. “I don’t know. He’s larger than life. He won’t go down without a fight. I have faith in him.”
“You always look good to me. Concealer, no concealer. Fancy dress, Harvey’s sweat suit. Smooth hair”—his hand waves over me with a low chuckle—“whatever this is. It doesn’t matter. You’re you.” I swallow and try my best not to melt onto the floor into a squishy pile of mush. “That’s probably what you tell all the girls, Gervais.” “Nah, Sunny. You’re my only girl.”
The dating scene had turned into my own real-life version of one of those Wish.com memes. I kept placing an order for Jasper Gervais and the universe kept sending me these laughable cheap-ass knockoffs.
It’s more like it pains him to wrench them from himself. Like staying quiet and introspective is his best defense mechanism.
Sure, I’ve contemplated suicide. But mostly in the way everyone has. What it would take. If I could follow through. In the wake of Jenny’s death, I’d toed that ledge, but ever since the Eatons took me in, it was never an option. I know how it feels to lose someone you love, and I couldn’t do that to these people who’ve become my family. I’ll suffer before ever making them do the same.
But I know better. I know his humor. I know how fiercely he loves his family, and I know he has social anxiety that makes him seem standoffish to most. He keeps so much locked up inside that he never talks about.
Because I’ve been staring at Jasper Gervais since I was ten years old, and suddenly . . . he’s staring back.
Jasper: I don’t like talking to people. Sloane: You talk to me. Jasper: You’re not people. Sloane: Lmao. What am I then? Jasper: My person.
For Jasper I’d do anything. Except actually tell him that. Because when he turns me down, I’ll break. A million little pieces of me scattered into the wind. It doesn’t matter that my love for him is pathetic and tragically unrequited. It just is. The sky is blue. The grass is green. And I’ve loved Jasper Gervais from the first day I laid eyes on him.
Willa: High five. I love it when Cade gives me a facial.
“Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not scared anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You’re just mine.”
What little girl wants to think her dad wouldn’t have her best interests at heart?
Decided I won’t be the girl who goes along with what everyone else around her wants. I’m going to speak up. I’m going to get comfortable disappointing other people to avoid disappointing myself. I won’t apologize for doing things the way I want to do them. I’m ready to be unapologetically me and let go of the people in my life who don’t approve of the person I am now.
“See, Sloane? You can wear someone else’s ring, but we both know you’ve always been mine.”
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“The thought of needing you this badly and letting you down.” He drops my gaze, shaking his head. “It fucking kills me.”
But Jasper isn’t a boy. He’s a man.
The rest of it makes me realize how powerless I’ve been trained to be my entire life. It stirs an unfamiliar rage inside of me, one that keeps me from answering any of my dad’s phone calls.
And not quietly either. She calls out my name, louder than she should, but I don’t care. I get off on people knowing what we’re doing in here.
“You’re also sensitive.” He’s not wrong. I live in my head and I feel things intensely. I always have.
“What if I make the wrong choice? What if I put it all on the line and it blows up in my face? What if she realizes I’m not worth it and leaves me? I . . . I’m paralyzed by all the what-ifs.
“No, Sunny. I shouldn’t be scared. You’re the least scary thing in my life. You’re not just tattooed on my skin. You’re branded on my heart. Woven into the fiber of my being. The most constant and reassuring person in my life. When I close my eyes, I see you. When you’re away from me, I dream about you. When I need someone to lean on, you are always there for me. God. You’ve loved me when I haven’t even been able to love myself.” My hands squeeze her cheeks and tears seep out over them. But she’s smiling up at me like I hung the moon. “You’ve looked at me like this for so damn long. And I
...more
“I’m sorry you’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel whole again. I’m sorry I’ve needed so much from you. Sunny, I’m sorry I’m so damn late. But thank you for waiting.”
I stare at the piece of paper, feeling like the little broken boy who showed up on this ranch that day all those years ago. He had no idea how much love he’d have one day. No idea that the people who really loved him would never leave him. They’re all right here.
