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Pain is a constant, Novaleen. It is how a person deals with it that interests me. Some conquer it and wield it, while others crumble and fall. So tell me, daughter, when I make this hurt, and I will, are you going to conquer or fall?
“I failed them, Nova. Don’t you see?” he rants. “When Bas died, I couldn’t protect D, and he withdrew, not feeling anything. He was like a machine, and I couldn’t stop that. You did! You brought him back! I couldn’t stop Jonas from descending into madness, but you did. I couldn’t stop Nico from blaming and hating himself, cutting himself up every day, but you did. I couldn’t get Isaac to look after himself and let the guilt go, but you did. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, and yet, you did.”
“And you couldn’t begin to look in the mirror and maybe see that it’s not all on you to save them? That you can’t protect them from everything? You were so focused on saving them, you were losing yourself.”
and I refuse to lose you, so I’ll fucking fight for you, for them, but don’t you ever lessen what you did for them. You’ve looked after them. They are alive and a family because of you. Neither of us has failed, nor are we to blame,
But I’m beginning to realise that pain is the whole reason we live. We hurt and love and do it all over again. Otherwise, why are we fighting so hard every day to make the most of the life we have? Love doesn’t have to be grand and beautiful; it can be this, a man willing to fight for you, willing to show up every day and put in the work. Life isn’t perfect—fuck knows I know that better than anyone—and it hurts you over and over, but I truly believe it never throws more at you than you are willing to endure, and you’ll find a shred of happiness in the chaos. You just have to be strong enough,
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this. I always worried about how I would react, but I truly feel nothing except . . . pity for him.
we’ll burn the fucking world for her.”
We promised her she would never be taken again, but we broke that promise. I hate it, and I hate that she’s alone again. I hate that she’s hurting, grieving, and in agony, and we aren’t there to hold her. I need my Nova, and if I have to kill every single person who gets in my way to get her back, I will, and when I find her father? I’m going to torture him to death for hurting the love of my life.
I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m happy.
“Jonas, this is enough to blow up a city,” I say carefully, knowing he’s always a little unhinged, but since Nova has disappeared, he’s become very unhinged. “Good.” He nods. I share a look with Isaac but shrug. Jonas is good with explosives. He won’t blow us up, right?
Haven’t I given enough? Haven’t I suffered enough? When is it my turn to be happy? How much more can I truly give?
I’m so very tired of being alive.
This world is a shitty fucking place but for a moment, I had hope for a better life. I got a glimpse of happiness and love, only for it to be taken away, and I can’t keep pretending I will get it back.
The cycle stops with us.
Don’t shoot and cheat now, boys. Don’t want to ruin the merchandise for my girl. Actually, she might give me head for a few bullet wounds. Feel free, but just avoid the face. She likes to sit on that.”
An idea comes to mind, so I move over to one wall and, after dipping my fingers into the closest soldier’s neck wound, I begin to carefully write out words, stepping back once I’m done to check it out. Perfect.
The woman stops before me, gripping her baton. “Look, I’m not sexist, okay? So I’m going to kill you the exact same way,” I warn her. “I’ll leave your heart though. I don’t want my girl getting worried about me cutting through your shirt.” Before she can even speak, I slice her throat and watch her fall. I hesitate because I want more hearts for my collection, but I don’t want Nova to be jealous, so I step over her and head off in search of more. And my girl.
I’m just praying with blind hope to a god I don’t believe in.
“I know you’re hurting, baby, not just your body, but your heart. I know you miss your sister, but please don’t do this to us, okay? I can’t live without you. I can’t. If you die, I die. It’s that simple. There is no place in this world for Jonas without Nova, so even though it hurts, even though it would be easier to give in, come back to us because without you, there is no us. Not anymore. Please, baby, don’t break our hearts. They’ve been yours since the moment we met you. Where you go, we go, so if this is the end, if you go, so do we. You hear me?”
Death is easy, but living is fucking hard.
They say that everyone was born with a purpose or they find their destiny, something they were created for, but if I believed that, then I would have to believe that my sister’s reason for being born was to die. I refuse to consider that. It’s a load of shit. We are born, we suffer through life, and if we are lucky enough, we find someone to suffer through it with us. I don’t believe we are all born with a great destiny, I believe we make one.
