Counting the Cost

by Jill Duggar

I either brushed it off or told myself that people’s confusion about Duggar family life was just another sign that we had been blessed by God with a wonderful opportunity to show the world how we live.

I was a ten-year-old girl whose parents trusted her with their precious babies. I felt like a little mom. I couldn’t have been happier.

Us girls had been told often how much harder it was for boys to keep their thoughts pure.

Gross

I told myself that whenever we were in situations like that where we stood out, it was an opportunity to be a positive example to others just by living life and showing others how true, conservative Christians should live—set apart and unpolluted by the world.

“Others may, we may not.”

Reject children and you are rejecting the very blessing of God!”

Ever the salesman, Pops always seemed to know how to pitch it right, and his story always worked. At least, it appeared to work until the one time that it didn’t.

Ironically, this “family filming ministry,” which emphasized putting your family first, was sucking the life out of ours.

If I disobeyed him or

didn’t honor his wishes and stepped out from under the umbrella of protection, I would be exposing myself to potential harm.

I am clear about the mistakes that my parents have made over the years with our upbringing, especially Pops, but the way my parents handled or didn’t handle things with Josh does not influence or justify the release of juvenile records and further re-traumatization and exploitation of innocent victims.

He’d fought for his family, just like he’d promised to do on the day we got married.

Eighty thousand dollars was a lot of money, but these strings were tight enough to choke.

I never knew that victory could feel so hollow or so overwhelmingly sad.

Our decision to enroll Israel in public school represented a significant step on my own journey out from IBLP—an organization that I was finally able to see clearly. It was a cult, thriving on a culture of fear and manipulation.

It felt strange, but at twenty-seven years old, I was finally learning to build healthy relationships and have a healthier, less fear driven view of God.

“Sometimes you have to be okay with other people not being okay with you. And you have to be okay with you not being okay too.”