Counting the Cost

by Jill Duggar

sinister. By preventing us from discussing anything controversial or sensitive with each other, the instruction not to “stir up contention among the brethren” became a tool for silence, for control, for guilt.

IBLP had put a lot more energy into teaching me to fear the world beyond its doors than it had put into teaching me to trust God and discern for myself how to reach a good and wise decision on any given issue.

Maybe that’s why the date night piña colada tasted so good. It wasn’t just Israel starting a whole new chapter in his life. I was too.

For a moment I didn’t know what to say. After so many words, so many secrets and so many lies, it was hard to put what I felt into syllables. In the end, all I could manage was, “I think they got it right.”

There is much that I can look back on and smile, but I picked up some wounds along the way. It’s like roses and thorns, justice and grace. You can recognize the beauty and happy parts of your story while also recognizing the more difficult parts. The two can coexist. The highs aren’t automatically erased or invalidated by the lows.

“Sometimes you have to be okay with other people not being okay with you. And you have to be okay with you not being okay too.”

In learning to treat myself more kindly, I am discovering that it’s possible to do the same for others as well.