The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom (The Path to Calm Book 13)

by Nick Trenton

If most of us are honest with ourselves, we’ll discover that a lot of our distress and unhappiness in life comes from wrongly expecting others to do what we want them to do.

By cultivating the right mindset and living in accordance with reason and virtue, people can achieve inner peace, freedom, and a good life, regardless of external circumstances.

Step 3 of practicing and applying the dichotomy of control seeks to answer the age-old question "Is this under my control?" If one's answer to this is "partially," Epictetus advises individuals to make the best of the situation and leave the rest to providence. This means that individuals should take responsibility for what they can control and influence to the best of their abilities, but also understand and accept that some aspects of a situation are beyond their control.

In this way, the practice of leaving partial control to providence can help people avoid unnecessary stress and anxiety over situations they cannot control. By focusing on what they can control and accepting what they cannot, individuals can approach life with a sense of peace and equanimity, even in the face of challenges and adversity.

You might not be able to get a completely new job at the moment, but you may be able to make certain changes in your workplace and your schedule to make your current job more bearable.

Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things just don't go according to plan. When faced with circumstances that might seem out of one’s control, it's important to remember that not everything is entirely within one’s grasp. However, that doesn't mean people should simply sit back and watch as life happens. Rather, they should strive to make the most of every situation, even if they can only control part of it.

It’s the people who get trapped in impotent complaining and whining who paradoxically find it hardest to accept unpleasant things that nevertheless can’t be changed.

Nonjudgmental thinking is the act of observing and recognizing one’s thoughts without attaching any labels or opinions to them. This mental state is important in letting go because it allows people to view their experiences objectively and without bias. Without nonjudgmental thinking, they may hold on to negative thoughts or emotions, creating unnecessary stress and anxiety.

The ultimate goal is to cultivate a nonjudgmental stance, which means that individuals learn to recognize and accept things as they are,

without labeling them as good or bad. In essence, the focus is on understanding and accepting the facts, rather than applying subjective judgments or opinions.

The concept of judgment is often used to express one’s preferences or opinions, but it can also be a quick and sometimes inaccurate interpretation of people’s surroundings that influences their thoughts and behaviors. People’s judgments are based on their own experiences and are not necessarily objective facts.

Next came changing how she spoke to herself: replacing harsh judgments with kinder affirmations like “I can learn from this experience” or “I'm doing my best,” which not only boosted her confidence but also encouraged resilience whenever faced with adversity again in future scenarios. Most importantly, though? It allowed the young woman to feel proud for giving it her all regardless of whether things worked out—a key factor toward realizing true contentment within oneself rather than constantly striving after success alone as validation for one's worthiness as a human being.

By taking a step back from a concrete problem and approaching it from a more abstract perspective, individuals can identify novel and innovative solutions that might not have been apparent from a narrower perspective. This can be particularly helpful in situations where individuals feel stuck or overwhelmed, as it allows them to approach the problem with a fresh perspective and generate new ideas. Another benefit of psychological distancing is its ability to promote emotion regulation (Kross, 2017). By creating space between oneself and a source of strong emotions, individuals can better regulate their emotional responses and engage in more adaptive coping strategies. This can be particularly important in situations where individuals are facing high levels of stress or anxiety, as it can reduce the negative impact of stress on mental health.

“I am not my thoughts.” The more you can see your current experience as something that doesn’t define you permanently, the easier you’ll be able to get on top of it, rather than be swallowed by it.

With this in mind, Jess begins to speak to her inner critic using third-person pronouns. She expresses empathy for her inner critic's fear and anxiety by saying something like, "I know you're feeling scared and unsure right now, but I'm here to tell you that I'm okay. I'm capable of handling whatever comes my way." She then expresses her reaction to the negative self-talk by saying something like, "Your critical voice is not helping me right now. It's preventing me from feeling confident and connected to others. I need you to stop talking to me this way." Finally, Jess reminds herself of what she truly needs by expressing herself. "What I really need is to feel supported and connected to others. I don't have to be afraid of failing or making mistakes. I'm worthy of love and acceptance just as I am." By speaking to her inner critic in this way, Jess is taking an active step toward breaking free from its grip on her thoughts and emotions. She is acknowledging her genuine needs and working to counteract the fear and anxiety that her inner critic tends to instill. Over time, with practice, Jess can learn to cultivate a more positive and supportive inner dialogue, one that helps her feel more confident, capable, and connected to others.

Perfectionism can hold people back in many ways, but there's a healthy alternative: excellentism.

excellentism involves setting high standards for oneself, but not allowing those standards to become unattainable or detrimental to one’s well-being.

Perfectionism doesn’t make people better—it makes them more brittle and fragile. It's important to recognize that progress is not always linear, and that celebrating small victories and learning from mistakes is essential for growth and self-improvement.

It's important to remember that perfection is not actually attainable, nor is it necessary for success. It’s an illusion, no matter how possible it seems or how desperately you feel you must achieve it. Instead, people should focus on doing their best and celebrating their achievements, no matter how big or small.

Perfectionism has long been lauded as a positive trait, but research shows that it can actually be harmful. The pressure to be flawless can lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression, as well as low self-worth (Stoeber, 2014). Perfectionists may also struggle to handle failure, as the stakes are often so incredibly high in their minds. This can lead to procrastination and avoidance, which can ultimately impact their success. In fact, some perfectionists may even stop taking on challenges altogether because the fear of failure is simply too great. As such, it's clear that perfectionism is not the path to success that many think it is.