The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom (The Path to Calm Book 13)

by Nick Trenton

those who have a deep belief in their own unworthiness often find themselves in relationships with those who are more than happy to agree with them on this point and treat them poorly. Is this person “toxic”? Well, yes. But getting rid of the toxic person will not get rid of the negative thought patterns and beliefs that invited that person into your life in the first place. Have you ever noticed how often people fall into the same situations with the same kind of people over and over? Unresolved mental and emotional patterns cannot help but become behavioral and relational patterns.

Toxic individuals can cause mental and emotional exhaustion, chip away at one’s self-esteem, and manipulate one’s perception of reality. They can create a constant sense of stress and anxiety that can take a toll on an individual’s mental and physical health.

Remaining in a toxic relationship can be incredibly damaging; therefore, it is very important to let go of these toxic people, as they may mimic the behaviors of abusers by offering temporary comfort, expressing remorse, and then repeating their harmful actions. This cycle can leave people with false hope, only to be repeatedly drawn back into the toxic relationship. Cutting off a toxic person can be a challenging decision to make, especially when there are many factors to consider. The setting and context of the relationship also play an important role in determining how to cut off a toxic person.

Remember, cutting off a toxic person is an act of self-care and self-love, and everyone deserves to live a healthy, fulfilling life.

When cutting someone off, remember that one doesn't owe the other person a detailed explanation of their reasons. Overexplaining oneself can sometimes make the situation worse, as toxic people may use this information against them or try to argue against their decision. Instead, it’s best to be clear and concise about one’s decision, without getting drawn into an argument.

In fact, forgiveness is all about acceptance—accepting what happened without dwelling on what could or should have happened instead. It's about choosing to love from a distance, or even letting go altogether. By tuning into the science of forgiveness, people can learn so much about how it can benefit their own lives in the present and for the future.

The thing is, forgiveness doesn't just benefit the person the individual wants to forgive—it also frees the individual from the weight of the anger and hurt they’ve been carrying. It's like releasing a heavy load they’ve been carrying on their back for years. By letting go of one’s resentment and judgments, forgiveness teaches people to live in the present moment and move on from the past. It's a hard lesson to learn, but once people do, life becomes a lot lighter and more joyful.

To be honest, it's not easy to forgive someone who has hurt one deeply, especially if there was betrayal involved. It's natural to feel shock and anger, and those feelings should not be ignored or dismissed. People must give themselves permission to feel those emotions and allow themselves to process what has happened. By exploring the situation and acknowledging the impact of the betrayal, people can start to understand the reasons and context behind it. This understanding can be the first steppingstone toward forgiveness.

For instance, if one’s partner cheated on them, they may try to understand why they did it. Was it because they were unhappy in the relationship, or because they had personal issues they were struggling with? It may hurt enormously to imagine that they cheated because of some inadequacy in you. But by examining the situation through their eyes, you realize that there’s a world of meaning and experience outside your own, and that they may have cheated for reasons that have nothing to do with how you’re seeing things. You may discover that they love you and they cheated—it may not be a position you understand for yourself, but it can be eye-opening nevertheless to realize that this is their position. By trying to understand the other person’s perspective, individuals can begin to find a path toward reconciliation.

For instance, by forgiving their partner for cheating, one may have learned to communicate more effectively, set boundaries, and trust their instincts. The lesson may be one of vulnerability and the bravery of asking for what you need and want. On the other hand, the lesson may be a subtler, more painful one, but one that is valuable nevertheless. For example, you may learn the lesson that “love is not enough” and that even though you can forgive and move on, you cannot undo what has been done, and sometimes the best and healthiest outcome for a relationship is, in fact, to end it.

Treating oneself with kindness and compassion is vital when working toward self-forgiveness. This means acknowledging one’s mistakes while still showing compassion toward oneself.

To become nonchalant about wrongdoing and its perpetrator, it is necessary to have context and understanding of the situation. Initially, after being hurt, one may feel raw and question why someone would mistreat them. Social psychologist Elizabeth van Monsjou advises attempting to understand the other person's motivation, which can be challenging. It involves considering what they thought of one’s actions and how the wrongdoing affected their emotions. Van Monsjou cautions against judging the actions of others to reduce righteous indignation. It's less about judging the person and more about understanding what may have led to or contributed to the wrongdoing in that case.