Flame and Sparrow (Flame and Sparrow Duology Book 1)

by S.M. Gaither

For everyone who’s ever been told they’re ‘too much’— Go ahead and burn as brightly as you want to.

Once, when I was a child, I accidentally set fire to a god.

what a starting line 😮‍💨

And those gods…oh, how I started to truly hate them. Soon I could no longer remember a time before the hate. Before the burning. I forgot the statues, the prayers, the sacraments my mother had so fervently insisted upon throughout my childhood—it all left me so quickly, like a tree without any roots, a ship caught in a storm without its anchors.

The world was waking up, filling with birdsong, and the hills below rippled like a lake of gold as the sun slipped through the rows of flowers. No matter how many times I took in this view, it still sent a shiver down my spine. The gods could never see the world the way I did.

The entire world had gone up in flames all around me. But somehow, I was not burning.

girl thinks shes Daenerys

It was the most basic of survival rules among our kind, whether we counted ourselves among the rebels or not: Don’t trust the gods or any of their monsters. The don’t make deals with them part was, of course, implied.

I’d escaped. Logically, I knew this. But the heat on my skin and the smoke in my hair still made me feel as if I was burning, and I was beginning to wonder if the feeling would ever go away.

“And this handsome bastard,” she offered with a wave toward her companion, “is Valas, God of Ice, Winter, Rebirth, and Getting on My Fucking Nerves.” The God of Ice yawned. “And I take all of these duties equally seriously.”

“Sometimes admitting we’re lost is the first step to finding the way, isn’t it?”

Whether in divine or mortal realms, it didn’t matter—it was always where I reached first. All these years later, I still woke up wanting to tell my sister things, and it took me a minute to remember she wasn’t there to hear them.

I felt a weight vibrating against my leg and looked down to see the griffin pressing against me, shivering and mewling softly. “Are you honestly going to cower behind me now? You’re the one who brought us here.”

“I never intended to cage you indefinitely,” he said. “Believe what you like about that, but I’m warning you now—tread more carefully. Because there are some things in this realm that I cannot save you from.”

I hugged my arms tightly around myself. I was beginning to think I was in over my head, as loathe as I was to admit it. Yet the only option appeared to be to keep swimming, or else I was certain to drown.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, quietly but firmly. “I spoke the truth that day on the platform—I intend to serve in your court. I will become divine, or I will die trying.”

Fucking finally this is picking up…I was 🤏 close to DNF’ing

When I finally managed to fall asleep, I dreamt of the God of Fire. Of the two of us together in a dark room with glass walls, clothed in nothing but flames, our hands reaching, but not quite touching. The closer we stepped to one another, the brighter the fires burned, until the heat became so intense that our glass surroundings shattered and fell over us like a sharp and deadly rain.

Rapping his knuckles against the door frame, he said, “I told you before that I knew a wildfire when I saw one, didn’t I?” I nodded. “Wildfires are sometimes hard to predict,” he concluded, shrugging, before disappearing into his room.

“Or maybe you’ve just forgotten your lines, Little Sparrow?” “My lines?” “This is the part where you tell me to go fuck myself, isn’t it?” I glared at him.

I LOVE THE “little _” nicknames they’re SO cute 😩😩😭

“I am not some hapless, giggling virgin who’s going to throw myself at your feet every time you flash a crooked smile my way.” “That’s a shame,” he said, “because I love it when hapless, giggling virgins throw themselves at my feet.” “I bet you do.”

“But if it helps you relieve some of the obvious burning tension you’re experiencing, then by all means, you can go fuck yourself.” “I’m not usually a fan of the solo routine, as it were.” He smiled brighter, clearly enjoying himself now. “You don’t happen to know where I could find some giggling virgins, do you?” “I can’t help you there.” I kept my voice perfectly even, determined not to seem flustered, as I added, “But I’m in a generous mood, so please feel free to think of me while you take care of yourself. Just know that it’s as close as you’ll ever get to the real thing. So I hope you enjoy it.” He stroked the hard line of his jaw as if considering my offer. And I swear the bastard stopped just short of winking at me as he turned away, chuckling, and said, “I was already planning on thinking of you.”

“I guess I’m just curious about other ways you might be serving him.” “It’s a good thing I haven’t eaten yet,” I said, “because what you’re suggesting is making me feel like I might vomit.” He grinned.

“Well, I could likely think of a few ways to reward you for your suffering.” The low, suggestive tone of his voice sent heat creeping along the back of my neck. “Are you imagining being rewarded, now?” A devious smile flirted with his lips. “I wonder…what are you hoping for?”

“I think you’ve had too much wine.” “In wine, they say, there is truth.”

“Tell me, oh great and powerful God of Fire and Forging: What do you feel toward me in this moment?” My slightly trembling, slightly mocking voice made a muscle in his jaw jump. His hand pressed through the waves of my hair, curving around and gripping the back of my head. A subtle movement that radiated power. Possessiveness. “I feel…” he replied, slowly, “as though someone should have taught you not to play with fire.”

Ugh this is so instalovey, they didn’t even really start talking till 30% into this book…

“So let’s keep the danger in mind,” he murmured, “and please believe me, Little Sparrow, when I tell you that I could set fire to every inhibition you possess, and when we are finished it will only be you and I among the ashes. I will be the only thing you can think of, and it will not be disdain that you feel toward me, I can promise you that.”

This was hardly a fair fight, and I could imagine the Ocean God’s sadistic laughter as he watched me struggling to even know where—or how—to start. Were all the Marr watching this unfold from some lofty, comfortable tower, like they had watched my last trial? The thought sent indignant heat flooding through me. If they wanted a show, I would fucking give them one.

“You certainly have everyone’s attention now, I think.” Mairu’s voice. Burn brightly, she’d told me. I suppose I had. But I didn’t feel either bright or burning in that particular moment—I felt dull and cold, like the last foolish flower of summer clinging to life before the winter snows inevitably buried it.

“I saw you in danger of drowning, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not to you.” Her gaze shifted covertly down the shoreline, to where Dravyn stood in the middle of what looked to be an intense conversation with the God of the Ocean and several other Marr. “Or to him.”

“I don’t think he would have cared if I’d drowned. I think—” I choked on the words as I tried and failed to push myself upright. I stubbornly tried again, and succeeded this time, though the pain in my side made me so dizzy I nearly fainted. “I think…” I gasped “…that he’d be happy to have the ordeal over with, honestly.” She placed a steadying hand on my arm. “He would be happy to have it over with,” she agreed. “But I don’t think you drowning is the ending he’s hoping for.”

“And besides,” he added, “you’re useless to me while you’re in such a state.” “Useless?” “Afraid so.” “Well, I suppose it’s lucky I’ve never based my worth on how useful I could be to a man. Or to a god, for that matter.”

I fear she ate

“Well, I would tell you to feel free to think of this mouth while I’m gone,” I said, “but I’m sure you were already planning to think about it.” His gaze finally fixed on me, burning with possibility and promise as he said, “Among other things.”

A monster, but a monster who had gifted me the sun. Who had offered me healing in every way he could after my trials…and then let me go when he saw no other way to aid in that healing. He was still the villain. I couldn’t forget that. It was just… In my head, I’d written our story much differently.

Dravyn turned his head slowly back to Andrel. Released him. Took a single step back, and in a voice tight with suppressed rage, he said, “If you ever touch her like that again, I will find you, and I will not simply remove your hands—I will carve them off in the most painful, gruesome manner possible.” His voice slipped into a growl, so low I could barely hear it over the pounding of my pulse. “But don’t worry: I’ll be sure to cauterize your wounds when I’m done.” A flame, wicked and blazing white, appeared in his hand. “I am a most generous god, after all.”

His voice lowered. Still annoyingly calm compared to mine, but clearly frustrated. “Tonight I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

“I was fine.” His gaze darted to my arm, and the air around us grew hotter as he muttered, “Yes, clearly you had everything under control.” “I didn’t need you to interfere!” Pain spasmed through my injury, edging my tone toward wild, unhinged. “I don’t know what you were thinking, but I never needed you to swoop in and save me. I don’t need you to burn the world down for me—if I wanted that done, I could do it myself.” “I was only trying to help.” “I didn’t want your help!” I practically roared. “I don’t want anything from you and your stupid court! I wish you’d left me alone—I wish you’d left me alone on the very first day we met, when I was burning on that platform!”

“Put down your daggers, you said. But honestly, sometimes I’m not sure if the blades I’m carrying are hers or mine. And if they’re hers, I feel like I…” Like I can’t put them down.

“Sometimes we hold on to painful things, I think, because letting them go feels like letting go of the person who gave them to us.”

“Are you going to cast me out for lying to you?” I asked, quietly. “Or kill me? Or smite me…or whatever it is you gods do when you’ve had enough of an untrustworthy mortal meddling in your business?” “Smite you?” Dravyn laughed a quiet, humorless laugh. “No, Sparrow. I am not going to smite you. I’m not in the mood today.” “But maybe you will be tomorrow?” “We’ll see.”

“What are you laughing about?” “You have the look on your face.” “What look?” “When you’re curious about something, your forehead gets a very deep groove.” He pointed to his own forehead, trying to mimic it. “And your lips part, as if you’re trying to inhale it all in, in every way possible.” I tilted my face away from him, blushing. “You don’t have to hide it. I like that look on you.”

He didn’t elaborate on that trouble. I think he would have if I’d asked—and I would ask, soon enough—but at the moment I didn’t want to. I just wanted to look at him.

“Though I still don’t need you to burn the world down for me,” I said, “just so we’re clear. The divine world or otherwise. Nothing has changed regarding that.” He smiled, his other hand finding its way to my lower back, pulling me more fully into his lap. “You can do it yourself, as I recall.” “Yes.”

“So perhaps I’ll just stand among the ashes with you,” he said, “and admire your work.” “I could allow that.”

“You look fucking beautiful in the firelight, if you weren’t aware.”

His fingertips made their way toward my center once more. He didn’t push the shirt aside at first, working the silky fabric against my sex until the shirt was damp and I was shaking with need. Little by little, he pushed the cloth aside, and the combination of silk shirt and his rough fingers felt indescribably good.

That just sounds like a UTI waiting to happen

He worked through the fabric of the shirt at first, just as before, letting the damp weight of it cling to me as he sucked and teased, before finally swiping it fully aside and leaving me entirely exposed for him. With nothing between us, he licked me fully, slowly, savoring each drop of my arousal, pulling back only long enough to roughly whisper, “You taste even more amazing than I thought you would.”

His hands stroked my curves for a moment before cupping underneath my ass and urging me to climb higher, to bring my center back toward his mouth.

“What is it?” “Nothing. This is just…” I could hardly talk through my panting, needy breaths. “As a child I sometimes prayed to the Marr, and it’s been a long time since I’ve done so, but this still feels a bit…blasphemous.” “If it’s any encouragement, I am imploring you to commit blasphemy.” His fingers tightened against me, and his tone dropped to a near-growl as he added, “Preferably on my face, while moving your hips like the proper fucking Wildfire I know you are.”

👀

“Why do you want to know? Are you thinking of praying to me again, as you mentioned last night?” “You were the one praying at my altar last night, if I recall correctly.”

“Did you dream about me last night, my Sparrow?” He leaned over me, bringing his lips to mine, supporting himself on one powerful arm while the other rose and fell with more slow, deliberate strokes of himself. “About what it would feel like to have my cock between your legs, rather than my fingers? Rather than my tongue?” I tried to reply, but my words became nothing more than a soft moan that rose into a whimper as his erection brushed across my thighs before trailing up to my center. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“We’ll get there soon enough.” His finger caressed my sex, circling through the added wetness he’d brushed onto me. “I wanted you to feel my tongue, and my touch, first. Just so you know I can make you come for me no matter what I use.”

I started to curl up as the powerful waves of pleasure overtook me, snapping the last chains of my self-control, but he pressed a hand to my chest and held me in place. “Stay on your back for me, Wildfire.” The low growl of a command sent another shock of release rumbling through me. I did as he said, stretching out on my back with my hands lifting above me, fingertips curling against the headboard. “Just like that. Good…”

not the praise 😮‍💨😩