The Scattered Bones

by Nicole Scarano

I never realized how empty and dangerous the world was without the gods’ grace.

“I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you. I mean this in the most respectful way, but you are divinely lovely. I’m almost ashamed to share the same air as you.”

“I don’t want to take anything from you.” Conviction fortified his voice. “I want to give everything to you. I’m not here to break your vows. A lonely girl simply helped a lonely boy, and I love the light in your eyes when we’re together. How can that be a sin? How can wanting to be your friend be wrong?”

“I have scars from those who tried, but as the cycles passed, less and less could wound me, but your tears? They hurt worst of all. Out of everyone in my life, you have the power to hurt me the most.”

I was terrified of how I’d grown to love him, and that gave him the power to break me.

“You don’t understand how badly I want to taste you,” he confessed, his face twisted as if he wasn’t speaking but ripping out his heart. “You don’t understand how desperately I crave your lips on mine, your body pressed against me. My control teeters dangerously on the precipice, and the only way I can stop it from plunging over that edge is by keeping my distance. I refuse to take something from you that I can’t return, and while I believe your vows were forced upon you, I won’t be the one to break them. You’re pure with me. Safe with me. Protected with me, but please, don’t push. I won’t be able to resist if you push.” He turned toward the opposite wall as if even seeing me from the corner of his eye was a temptation. “Not there. Not my lips.” His chest heaved as if I’d punched him. “Anywhere but there or I’ll break. I can’t break, but I’m afraid because I’m so close to surrendering.”

He was divine, otherworldly, and he was mine.

“Sellah,” he groaned, as if he was suffering. “Please, my love, grab me a blanket. I don’t want to hurt you, but if you don’t stop drinking in the sight of me like that, I’ll take you until you know who you belong to. Please don’t tempt me.”

“You own me, and I’ll worship you until your pleasure is so great, you can’t contain it. I want you to scream for me, my goddess. No one can hear you, and I need to know what you sound like when you come undone wrapped around me.”

“I’ll want you even in death, Sellah. There’s no afterlife, but that doesn’t matter. I’ll love you until I’m dead in the dirt, then I’ll love you until my body is nothing but bones. And when my bones fade to dust coating the earth, I’ll still want you.”

“I will love you until I am nothing but dust, and even then, I’ll still love you.”

I cursed my parents for sacrificing a child to a selfish god. I cursed Hreinasta for her weakness in following her own decrees and Valka for his cruelty. The gods had abandoned me, and while I was acutely aware of their absence, I didn’t care. I wanted nothing from them.

It was impossible not to fall in love with you. I tried. I really did. I swore I would be your friend and nothing more, but your appetite for life spoke to my soul.

I would suffer through all the pain life inflicted on me again, because I’ve loved my thief from the moment I found him in my room, and I’ll love him until I am dust.