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“Well,” Josie quipped, “her pet project doesn’t look too bad.”
And man, he looked really good. Powerful. Handsome. Oh no. Stop it, Pippa.
He leaned in closer. “But you. You have vision. The way you were talking in that meeting, wow.” He leaned even closer and whispered, “It got me . . . excited.” I could feel my chest and face flush instantly. What exactly did he mean by that?
Omgosh dude WTH… back off already
“Have you had a chance to take a look at the menu? Have you dined with us here before? I can explain a few things—” Michael cut her off, his hand raised. “We’re actually going to need a few minutes. We’ll let you know when we’re ready.” “Alrighty,” she said. “Well, just so you know, the scones here are excellent. And the ham and cheese special is also wonderful. I’ll give you two a few minutes! Can I refill your water, sir, before I go?” “I’m all set,” Michael said. She finally walked away. “Good lord.”
LMAO someone angling for a tip.
“You know what I mean,” he added, reaching his hand out to cover mine. “I didn’t mean to offend. Of course, you meant it.” We both stared at his hand. My hand felt like it was on fire. I could literally feel a stirring in my nether regions as he gently danced his fingertips over my knuckles. My face flushed again; I could feel it turning bright red.
She needs to watch out for this guy. He knows exactly what he’s doing .
Did I find his threats . . . arousing?! He stopped and smiled. I could feel the flush spreading across my chest again. Mental note: Buy turtlenecks.
You should be grateful.” He leaned in close to me and didn’t break his gaze. “Excited.”
Cue my massive eye roll
Then she lifted my mug and added, snidely, “Course, looks like your job comes with many perks.” “My job? No, no, you don’t understand . . .” She held a finger to her lips, as if to say that she’d keep my secret. But there’s nothing to tell! “He’s a repeat customer,” she said, walking away. I opened the envelope. It was a key card. Room 767. Oh no.
“Michael just propositioned me. He wants me to meet him tonight at a hotel. He gave me a key card like we were in some porno. But honestly, he is so hot and my body is on fire and I’ve never cheated but I’ve also never really had the opportunity. Oh my god. What do I do?” “Pippa, have you ever actually watched porn?” “What?! Well, no, not exactly, but . . .” “I mean, I haven’t seen anyone give each other key cards. Like, ‘Oh yeah, give it to me . . . give me that . . . key card.’” She laughed.
But no. Just because I didn’t have the relationship I wanted didn’t mean I had to overlook my values.
Wait, have you cheated?” “I plead the fifth.” “Whaaat? You have? And you never told me?! Who?” “Doesn’t matter.”
“Sorry! I’ve just never felt like this.” “Aroused?” “Funny.”
WTF, was Ethan living here? In this dark, spooky, run-down home? And whose women’s clothes were those? Why was my dry cleaning here? WHAT WAS GOING ON?
The tenants have been here, oh, maybe six months? They go month to month. I promise they won’t be an issue. Nice couple.
My husband’s clothes. My dry cleaning. Kelly telling me she’d cheated on Arthur. Ethan’s frequent meetings with actors and plays he had to see. Was he really just fifteen minutes away in Brentwood? With my best friend? Oh my god.
Yes, my mother was around when I was growing up, but she was utterly inaccessible. Just like Ethan. I hadn’t been able to break the cycle. That’s why I was determined that Max and Zoe would feel my love every minute of every day. That they would know what it felt like to be important to someone else.
Pippa, call me later if you want to keep chatting about that son of a bitch.” “Mom!!” “Sorry, sorry.” I pressed End on the giant dashboard. “Who’s the son of a bitch?” “Max!
“Mom, I love reading what you actually write.
“Oh, I met him alright. And I hate to tell you this, but I’ve got something I need to show you.” Josie started walking around her apartment, then held up something for us to see. I heard Gabriela gasp. “The same key card?” “I can’t believe it,” I said. “He actually said the SAME THING to me,” Josie added. “That he saw me. Except after he said it, he put his hand up my skirt,
“I was in and out of the hotel in, like, an hour. Technically he was in and out, if you know what I mean.”
girl, he’s seen just about everyone I know,”
Wonder who else is a member of the Michael Key Card Club . . .” “And how many people used their special keys . . . and how their books did . . .” Gabriela added.
The police handed my information back and took Black Jacket Guy’s. “Holy—it’s Derek Johnson!” one cop said to the other.
“Nah, you’re good. I play for the LA Rams, is all.” Why did people say, “You’re good?” I wasn’t good. But seriously? I hit an NFL player? Sheepishly, I asked, “What position?” “Running back.” “Ah.” “Know what that means?” “Ummm . . .” He laughed.
“Remember that dance when your friend Fred wore two polo shirts and put deodorant on his face so he wouldn’t sweat?” He nodded, smiling. “I taught him that.” “No!”
“Should we get home to Dad?” he asked.
LMAO Real subtle kid.
“Text back so we can find some dates . . . for tutoring.” “Of course. Yes. Dates,” I said, blushing.
Oh brother
Who cared what books I wrote? Who cared about open houses, Instagram followers, cheating spouses, lecherous bosses. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was keeping my kids safe, happy, and protected. Doing everything I could to make their lives better. Without that, I had nothing of value.
“Max! Cutie! Are you okay?” She ran over and hugged him, something I hadn’t seen her do in years, basically since she got her first phone. “Um, what happened to my obnoxious sister?” he joked, hugging her back.
Aww
Believe it or not, I’ve got more important things to do than talk to the media about one of the 237 books that we’re publishing.” “Do you have 237 room keys?” “Ouch.”
“Thought maybe I had the wrong house,” Josh said. “I mean, seriously. Look! They’re both sitting right here. Max and his sister, Zoe. Did they get up? No.” Josh laughed and walked in. “Teenagers. Totally get it. Welcome to my world.” He held up a finger to say he needed a sec. “Hey, Max, did you hear they released some new Pokémon characters?” “Wait, what?” Max jumped up. “See? Easy,” Josh said.
Show me what you were working on.” “Okay, I think it’s all shoved under the computer,” Max said, walking over to it. “I see—a place of real importance. Maybe we could shove it on top of the computer next time. Really elevate the material.” Max snickered.
I wondered who the friend was. Man? Woman? Where were they
Hey Pippa. It’s Josh, Max’s Hebrew school teacher. I stared at the words.
Food allergies? I asked. I’m gluten-free, vegan, have a sesame allergy, and only eat products farmed within 20 miles of where I’m eating. Plus, I’m doing keto right now. I just stared at the phone. Oh, come on. Really? I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. Why was everyone in LA so weird about food? Kidding! I eat everything.
“I had an all-nighter with that theater crew I told you about,” he said, not even looking me in the eye. How had I missed all the signs? What a liar. I just stared at him. Now I knew, but did he know that I knew?
“Since when is Max getting tutored?” Ethan asked. “Since yesterday when the synagogue was on lockdown. Did you even want to ask me about that?” “I spoke to the kids about it yesterday,” he said. “It was because of you, right? Max told me everything.” Ouch.
“Ready for school?” Zoe looked me up and down. “I’m not trying to put any judgment on this, but I did want to point out that you’re wearing your pajamas.”
What if they were running some Breaking Bad–like drug ring?
LMAO WTH?
I felt gutted, like someone had died. I was grieving both my husband and my best friend, or the people I’d thought they were. It was a horrific form of loss.
I remember when one of the girls in my bunk tore up an art project I’d worked really hard on, the welcome sign for parents’ visiting day. Josh had shown up; he’d been there then to give me a hug. Decades had passed, but here he was. Again.
“He’s an idiot,” Josh said. “If you were my wife, man . . .” He shook his head. “I’d make sure every moment of your life was perfect.”
Relationships, even marriage, could change. But best friends? There was no substitute.
“Gross,” she said. “Pippa, what an image! Those middle-aged schlubs.” “Mom, what are you talking about? You’re, like, a senior citizen at this point.”
“Oh, I love open houses,” she said. “I follow this amazing Instagram account, @openhousebandit. You have to check it out. It’s a hoot and shows everything new. Do you follow it?” I laughed. “Intimately.” “Well, let’s get in there!”
After I finished, a fan came over and said she had the most amazing idea ever. I was like, ‘Yes, darlin’! That’s what I need!’ So she told me some of it and then asked me to pay her an upfront fee for the whole thing.
Was it that backstabber Kelly
“Is this her?” “For heaven’s sake! Yes, that’s her! Gosh, I need to thank her! Are you two friends?” “We were,” I said, putting my head in my hands. Oh my god. Kelly. She’d deliberately destroyed my life. In more ways than one. But why?
I knew it!
Sometimes you just can’t trust men,” Ella said. “Or women,” I added.
