Leslie F*cking Jones

by Leslie Jones

We have to take care of ourselves and realize the wonderfulness in all of us. Because once we start doing that, once we start with respecting ourselves—really getting into the business of liking ourselves—we’ll realize that each of us is a unique person with God-given gifts that we have to use to the benefit of everyone around us. You are with yourself every day, all day, all night—might as well like yourself.

spoke out of love. He definitely would have said, “The world’s not going to stop for that shit. This doesn’t define who you are. Don’t make this the focus of your life. There’s always going to be hurt before you get to the right place.”

And I remember thinking, OK then, fuck everybody else. And I still think that to this day.

But what they didn’t know, was that I’m Leslie Muthafuckin’ Jones.

You have to go into your body and literally switch that positive shit on. No one can do it but you.

Whenever he wanted me to stop stalking him, he’d try to sic those dogs on me, but they’d look at him as if to say, “No! We love her—she’s the bacon lady.”

I may not be a fancy hammer, but I can hit the fuck out of a nail.

I can hype the fuck outta shit. There’s something in me that can get people so fired up, just by being me. I can even feel that energy leave my body; I can feel people get it. They are pumped; it’s like an aerosol or something that I shoot out. No one is going to fuck with me.

I got a great reaction to the bit I did about the restricted documents that keep showing up at politicians’ houses. My point was, who in the fuck is giving these people the documents in the first place?

for real