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Firstly, empty
In his book Sickness Unto Death, Søren Kierkegaard says, it is the normal state of the human heart to try to build its identity around something besides God.
Spiritual pride is the illusion that we are competent to run our own lives, achieve our own sense of self-worth and find a purpose big enough to give us meaning in life without God.
it is also painful.
The ego often hurts. That is because it has something incredibly wrong with it. Something unbelievably wrong with it. It is always drawing attention to itself – it does so every single day.
It is the ego that hurts – my sense of self, my identity.
thirdly, the ego is incredibly busy
The way the normal human ego tries to fill its emptiness and deal with its discomfort is by comparing itself to other people. All the time.
‘Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about.’3
pride is the pleasure of having more than the next person. Pride is the pleasure of being more than the next person.
That is what our egos are doing all the time. Doing jobs we have no pleasure in, doing diets we take no pleasure in. Doing all kinds of things, not for the pleasure of doing them, but because we are trying to put together an impressive curriculum vitae.
By comparing ourselves to other people and trying to make ourselves look better than others, we are boasting.
And lastly, as well as empty and painful and busy, the ego is fragile.
A superiority complex and an inferiority complex are basically the same. They are both results of being overinflated.
Deflated or in imminent danger of being deflated – it is all the same thing. And it makes the ego fragile.
See what he says. In verses 1 and 2, he reminds them that he is a minister and that he has a job to do. But then he tells them that, with regard to that role, he cares very little if he is judged by them or any human court
The word translated ‘judge’ here has the same meaning as the word ‘verdict’. It is the thing that Madonna craves – that elusive verdict or stamp of approval. Paul does not look to the Corinthians – or to any human court – for the verdict that he is a somebody.
it is a trap to say that we should not worry about everyone else’s standards, just set our own.
Boosting our self-esteem by living up to our own standards or someone else’s sounds like a great solution. But it does not deliver. It cannot deliver.
Are low standards a solution? Not at all. That makes me feel terrible because I realize I am the type of person who has low standards.
When he says that he does not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect them to himself and his identity.
Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.
True gospel-humility means an ego that is not puffed up but filled up.
A truly gospel-humble person is not a self-hating person or a self-loving person, but a gospel-humble person. The truly gospel-humble person is a self-forgetful person whose ego is just like his or her toes. It just works. It does not draw attention to itself. The toes just work; the ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself.
The person who is self-forgetful is the complete opposite. When someone whose ego is not puffed up but filled up gets criticism, it does not devastate them. They listen to it and see it as an opportunity to change.
But this is the possibility for you and me if we keep on going where Paul is going. I can start to enjoy things that are not about me. My work is not about me, my skating is not about me, my romance is not about me, my dating is not about me. I can actually enjoy things for what they are. They are not just for my résumé. They are not just to look good on my college or job application. They are not just a way of filling up the emptiness. Wouldn’t you want that? This is off our map. This is gospel-humility, blessed self-forgetfulness.
Not thinking more of myself as in modern cultures, or less of myself as in traditional cultures. Simply thinking of myself less.
Now how could that be? Paul puts it very simply. He knows that they cannot justify him. He knows he cannot justify himself. And what does he say? He says that it is the Lord who judges him. It is only His opinion that counts.
Do you realize that it is only in the gospel of Jesus Christ that you get the verdict before the performance?
You see, the verdict is in. And now I perform on the basis of the verdict. Because He loves me and He accepts me, I do not have to do things just to build up my résumé. I do not have to do things to make me look good. I can do things for the joy of doing them. I can help people to help people – not so I can feel better about myself, not so I can fill up the emptiness.
Like Paul, we can say, ‘I don’t care what you think. I don’t even care what I think. I only care about what the Lord thinks.’
