Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm

by Thich Nhat Hanh

Compassionate, deep listening means that the other person, or the other nation, has a chance to say what they have never had the chance or the courage to say, because no one ever listened deeply to them before. At first, their speech may be full of condemnation, bitterness, and blame. Do your best to continue sitting there calmly and listening. To listen in this way is to give them a chance to heal their suffering and misperceptions. If you interrupt, deny, or correct what they say, you will cut off the process of restoring communication, of reconciliation. Deep listening allows the other person to speak even if what he says contains misperceptions and injustice. When listening deeply to the other person, not only do you recognize his wrong perceptions but you also realize that you too have wrong perceptions about yourself and the other person. Later, when both of you are calm and the other person feels more trust and confidence in you, you can slowly and skillfully begin to correct their wrong perceptions. Using loving speech, you can point out how they have misunderstood you or the situation. Using loving speech, you can also help the other person understand your difficulties. You can help each other release those wrong perceptions, which are the cause of all anger, hatred, and violence.