Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm

by Thich Nhat Hanh

If your relationship is based on fear rather than on mutual understanding and happiness, it doesn’t have a solid foundation.

The words should not be an obstacle—the words only help you concentrate and keep your insight alive. It is the insight that keeps you home, not the words.

Then you are able to see the two dimensions of reality, the historical and the ultimate.

In the historical dimension, we talk in terms of life, death, being, nonbeing, high, low, coming, going, but in the ultimate dimension, all these notions are removed. If the wave is capable of touching the water within herself, if the wave can live the life of water at the same time, then she will not be afraid of all these notions: beginning and ending, birth and death, being or nonbeing; nonfear will bring her solidity and joy. Her true nature is the nature of no-birth and no-death, no beginning and no end. That is the nature of water.

because we’re in touch with the ultimate dimension, we realize that birth and death come from our own conceptual minds and not from any true reality. By being in contact with the ultimate dimension, we are able to be in touch with the reality of all things, which is birthless and deathless.

The wave is always water; it doesn’t “come from” water, and it doesn’t go anywhere. It is always water; coming and going are just mental constructions.

On the other hand, the wave is caused by wind, seismic activity, etc. Is cause and effect separate from the nature of things?

Therefore, when we look deeply into our self—into our body, our feelings, and our perceptions—when we look into the mountains, the rivers, or another person, we have to be able to see and touch the nature of no-birth and no-death in them. This is one of the most important practices in the Buddhist tradition.

To meditate with mindful breathing is to bring body and mind back to the present moment so that you do not miss your appointment with life.

If we have fear, we can’t be completely happy. If we’re still running after the object of our desire, then we still have fear.

The sheet of paper cannot be by itself alone. It has to inter-be with everything else in the cosmos. That is why the word inter-be can be more helpful than the word be. In fact, to be means to inter-be.

If you are locked into the idea of a separate self, you have great fear. But if you look deeply and are capable of seeing “you” everywhere, you lose that fear.

Watering the seeds of happiness is a very important practice for those who are sick or dying. All of us have seeds of happiness inside us, and in those difficult moments when we’re sick or dying, there should be a friend sitting with us to help us touch those seeds.

But the disintegration of the body cannot affect the dying person’s true nature. That’s why it’s very important for us to be able to look deeply to see the ways in which we are not just our bodies. Each of us is life without limit.

The energy of nonfear is the key and the best basis for social action, for actions of compassion that protect people, protect the earth, and satisfy your needs to love and to serve.

There’s no real difference between inside and outside. In fact, when we’re inside we can be more in touch with the outside. If you’re not there inside, if you’re not yourself, there’s no real contact with the world outside. The way out is in. If you get deeply in touch with the inside, you get in touch with the outside too; and if you’re able to get deeply in touch with the outside, you can get in touch with the inside at the same time.

If you get angry with your anger, it is multiplied ten times. This is not wise. You already suffer a lot, and if you get angry with your anger, you will suffer more. A baby may not be pleasant when she cries and kicks, but her mother picks her up tenderly and holds her in her arms, and the mother’s tenderness penetrates the baby. After a few minutes, the baby feels better and may stop crying.

Mindfulness carries within it the energy of concentration, so the seed of concentration is also in you. There are practices of concentration that can liberate us from fear, anger, and despair.

When the emotion is too strong and the breathing isn’t enough to get you to stop and relax, go out and walk. Focus on your footsteps to help your mind stop. Don’t let your mind carry you away with thinking, judgments, irritation, strong feelings, or projects. Come back to the present moment, stop, and relax. Stop, and release the agitation and tension in you.

We need to have a nonviolent attitude toward our suffering, our pain, our fear.

When you have enough energy of mindfulness, you can look deeply into any emotion and discover the true nature of that emotion. If you can do that, you will be able to transform the emotion.

If we stay with our fear, suppressing it and then letting it explode, we are sharing that fear with the young people around us, and they will consume it and pass it on.

The pain caused by that sharp knife has been there for a long time. As long as you continue to hold onto it, your pain magnifies and grows so large that you want to punish those you think are the cause of your suffering.

Some people spend their whole lives trying only to take revenge on whatever or whomever they think caused their suffering. This kind of motivation can only bring suffering, not only to others but also to the one who feels it.

Deep listening and loving speech are very powerful practices. With them, we can create good communication and find out what is really going on. If we are sincere in wanting to learn the truth, and if we know how to use gentle speech and deep listening, we are much more likely to be able to hear others’ honest perceptions and feelings. In that process, we may discover that they too have wrong perceptions. After listening to them fully, we have an opportunity to help them correct their wrong perceptions. If we approach our hurts this way, we have the chance to turn our fear and anger into opportunities for deeper, more honest relationships.

When you take out the knife of anger and mistrust that is pointed to your heart, your heart becomes a bridge. If you can undo attachment, craving, and fear, you start to see the other shore, the shore of liberation.

We have to learn to see the sangha, our community of spiritual support, as our own body.

You can’t feel safe if you’re not in good communication with the people you live with or see regularly. You can’t feel safe if those around you don’t look at you with friendliness and compassion.

Safety is not an individual matter. Helping the other person feel safe is the best guarantee for your safety.

When we arrive at the point where we can’t communicate with our words and we have to use guns, we have succumbed to despair.

You cannot remove wrong perceptions with a gun.

In the practice of Buddhism, we see that all mental formations—including compassion, love, fear, sorrow, and despair—are organic in nature. We don’t need to be afraid of any of them, because transformation is always possible.

The most precious gift you can give to the one you love is your true presence. So the first mantra is very simple: “Dear one, I am here for you.”

You’re offering him your presence. You’re not preoccupied with the past or the future; you are there for your beloved. You must say this with your body and with your mind at the same time, and then you will see the transformation.

The second mantra is, “Darling, I know you are there, and I am so happy.”

This is real meditation. In this particular meditation, there is love, compassion, joy, and freedom—the four elements of true love as described by the Buddha.

The third mantra is what you practice when your beloved is suffering: “Darling, I know you’re suffering. That’s why I am here for you.”

The fourth mantra is a little bit more difficult: “Dear one, I am suffering; please help.”

This mantra is for when you are suffering and you believe that your beloved has caused your suffering. If someone else had done the same wrong to you, you would have suffered less. But this is the person you love the most, so you suffer deeply, and the last thing you feel like doing is to ask that person for help.

According to the teaching of the Buddha, in true love there is no place for pride.

Caring for yourself, reestablishing peace in yourself, is the basic condition for helping someone else.

Being there with what is beautiful and healing inside us and around us is something we should do each day. And it is possible to do this in all our daily activities.

Often, our feelings of loneliness and isolation feed our fears and encourage them to grow.

Your family or your group of friends can be your sangha. It is whatever community supports you. Building a sangha means building your safety, your support, and your happiness.

Compassionate listening brings about healing. Sometimes only ten minutes of listening deeply can transform us and bring a smile back to our lips.

We go to a therapist, hoping that she will be able to listen to us. But many therapists also have deep suffering within. Sometimes they cannot listen as deeply as they would like.

You can say to yourself about the other person, “I am listening to him just because I want to relieve his suffering.” This is called compassionate listening. You have to listen in such a way that compassion remains with you the whole time you are listening. That is the art.

When we do walking meditation as a group, we produce a collective energy of mindfulness and peace that nourishes us and helps heal us.

Does this require walking in silence?

The presence of a sangha in our life as a practitioner is very important, so as a practitioner, we always think of helping to build a sangha in our neighborhood, where we live.

Radiating peace and joy and life all around is what we call the living Dharma.

The suffering inside us reflects the suffering in the world. If we understand our suffering, we understand the suffering of the world; if we can transform our own suffering, we’ll be able to help transform the suffering in the world.