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“I heard they’re a crazy bunch, too. And I don’t mean ‘eccentric’ crazy, I mean ‘we, the jury, find…’ crazy. If I were you, well, I’d definitely be a little nervous.”
She’d have more luck trying to nail jelly to a stone wall.
And guys, as all women knew, must not be granted power over women and be able to rob them of their self-respect. That would create a total imbalance in the universe and could not be allowed.
“Want to see what I’ve got?” he asked. “That depends, does it itch and is it contagious?”
“You’re late again,” chastised Ivy, but the witch’s tone was playful. “Thank you for finally joining us.” “Yeah, well, promptness is a quality of the boring.”
“I don’t suppose you have any idea why she’d lie about something like this, do you?” Tao asked the Alpha. Nick puffed. “To answer that question, I’d have to understand how women operate. I’m still working on that one.”
“Stalked?” echoed Jaime. “No, I just watched him. At night. From behind a bush. Using night-vision goggles.”
Jaime sighed dramatically. “I wish the wizard had lived up to his promise and given you a heart.”
“I suppose you look a tiny bit better nowadays. You’d always been a fat child.” “I prefer the term ‘charitably shaped.’”
“That’s a terrible attitude you’ve got.” “Yep, and I know how to use it.”
“Ignore her,” Taryn advised Jaime. “Don’t let the senile old crone wind you up. It’s what she lives for.” “I heard that,” said Greta. “Well, it wasn’t like I was whispering.” Taryn gave Jaime a pleading look. “Any tips on how to deal with Old Mother Hubbard here? You’ve known her longer than I have.” Jaime pursed her lips. “Don’t get light in her eyes, don’t get her wet, and never feed her after midnight.”
Glory’s like a bowling ball. She gets picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter, and yet she still comes back.”
“What, you don’t like being pregnant?” Trick frowned. “I thought females loved it.” Taryn pursed her lips. “Let’s see…I’m constantly tired, emotional, hungry, and horny. Most of my clothes don’t fit, my back always aches, and I can’t see my feet. It’s such a magical experience. Oh, and I walk like a fat, deformed penguin.”
“You’re beautiful. If you were words on a page, you would be what they call ‘fine print.’”
“It’s not that I’m ignoring you. I’ve just lost interest in the conversation.”
“Thanks. That really means a lot coming from a backstabbing, rumor-spreading, attention-seeking, black hole of need. But then, I suppose it’s a good thing that you’re spreading something besides your legs.”
“A short warm up?” said Jaime, gasping, as she rose from the forest floor. “More like an effective way to break my will to live.
“And I can’t do it because, what? Because I’m a female? I’ll have you know that there are plenty of things women can do that men can’t.” Tao snickered. “Like what?” “Well, bend over in prison, for one. Multitask, ask for directions, belly flop with dignity, bleed for five days every month yet not die—”
“Fornicating all night, were you?” spat the old woman, to which Shaya rolled her eyes. For whatever reason, Greta never used the word sex. Taking some toast from the selection on the table, Jaime gasped at Greta in mock outrage. “We were simply bouncing on the bed to test the endurance of the springs. Is your mind always in the gutter?”
“Ever played that game, ‘hit Granny with the polo mallet’?”
Just because you and I have close encounters of the best kind doesn’t mean you get to control me or baby me.”
His grin totally disappeared when he realized what her idea of driving was. “You’re going to get us killed! Slow down!” “Oh, live a little, will you,” she said. “I’m only doing eighty.” “You’re going one hundred and ten miles per hour!” “Sure, if you want to get technical about it.”
“Look at me, Jaime. Look at me.” Finally, she did. “I want this. I’m keeping you. If you think you have a choice, that’s not my problem.” “Keeping me? I’m not a stray kitten, I’m a person.” “If you were a stray kitten, I’d give you a kick up the ass and walk away.” She did a double take. “You’d kick a kitten?” “I’d kick Hunk if I didn’t think the gremlin would eat my foot.”
“You know, I watched an old episode of Friends yesterday. It was so damn funny it could have made your boobs fall off…Oh, you saw it.”
Jaime hadn’t found it at all surprising that his office was immaculately tidy and orderly. So orderly that it often made her want to mess it up just for fun. Honestly, neat places were the equivalent of big, red, tempting “Don’t Press” buttons to her. But Dante would probably hyperventilate,
Sighing, Trey picked her up and headed for their room. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. We’ll play Hiding Pedro. That should calm you down.” “Why do you always try to use sex to calm me?” “Because it works, my crazy little nympho.” “Ass.”
A huff escaped the old woman standing near the door. “If your wolf wasn’t insane and you weren’t such a liability, you wouldn’t have to, would you.” “Uh-oh,” said Jaime. “Greta’s mouth is open and words are spilling out. That can’t be good.”
“You, you, you—that’s all I hear. Let’s revisit the facts, big guy. I was the one this happened to. I was the one who should have died yesterday. And I’m the one who’s been getting called Limp-A-Lot all damn morning. But wait, no, you’re the victim here, aren’t you? So sad. Well, I hope that pity plane you’re on malfunctions and hits the ground like a goddamn dart!”
“I know I made this about me. I’m just not used to having someone else who I have to think about. I’ve been on my own for so long that I sometimes don’t even realize how self-centered I’m being.” “I can totally help you with that with some well-aimed bitch slaps if you want. You’d soon learn.”
“Wanna go to bed and play doctors?” Chuckling, she punched his arm. “No, I don’t.” “Sorry, that was immature. How about playing gynecologists?”
“Okay, so tell me how to get over my fear.” Dante looked at her incredulously. “Why would I do that? Fear is a basic survival mechanism. It helps you stay alive. It’s an automatic response that dumps adrenaline into the bloodstream, which helps us.” Jaime’s face scrunched up. “Sweating like crazy, having your heart race, and shaking like a shitting dog helps us?”
“Why did you give him River as a middle name?” Greta’s face was scrunched up in an expression of distaste. “One, I love the name. Two, I love rivers. Three, I knew you wouldn’t like it.”
“Now you’re just being melodramatic.” “I’m making up for your lack of a flight response.”
“Look,” began Jaime, wanting to be rid of Laurie and wanting to rub reality in her face, “unless you get off on watching, you might want to scamper. As you can probably tell, we’re both hot and horny, and Dante’s about to Google my Yahoo and Twitter my cli—” “I’ll, um, I’ll catch you later, Dante.” She was gone in seconds.
“You’re doing so much better than I would be if the situation was the other way around,” he said quietly. “No, I’m not. I just know perfectly well that the best way to annoy an attention seeker is to not give them a reaction.” That wasn’t to say that Jaime didn’t often visualize cutting off the bitch’s air supply until she resembled a Smurf.
“I resent the neat-freak statement. And I do not bark.” She snickered. “Sure you don’t, Popeye.” “And it wouldn’t kill you to use the shoe rack. I mean, it’s right by the door.” “Stop putting my CDs in chronological order, and I’ll work on the shoe rack thing.” A short pause. “How about alphabetical order?” “How about you go to therapy?”
