This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It (John Dies at the End, #2)

by David Wong

The English language needs a word for that feeling you get when you badly need help, but there is no one who you can call because you’re not popular enough to have friends, not rich enough to have employees, and not powerful enough to have lackeys.

“You didn’t know oxygen burns? Where did you go to school?” “Here! Look around! It’s a shithole!”

Yes, Amy had long ago made peace with the fact that she was a huge, flaming nerd.

“John. I would ask you what you are doing but I fear you would actually tell me.”

John said, “Okay, can somebody quickly just summarize for the shotgun department who it’s okay and not okay to shoot?”

“Wait, what if Tennet arranged all of this as some elaborate form of therapy?”

If you’re in this situation, you can combat it using a technique known as “Getting the Fuck Over It.”

Also, what if you kill your “monster” and it turns out it’s like a werewolf situation, where the thing transforms back into a human as it dies? Your ass is going to jail. If it’s not threatening you, just let it be.

“I know. I remember you from your involvement in every single horrible thing that has happened in this town for the last several years.”