This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It (John Dies at the End, #2)

by David Wong

I bet he’d never shot a delivery guy with a crossbow even once.

I was in for a brutal crash later, but that was Day David’s problem. Night David was trying to stay alive.

“If you had to choose, and if you were not allowed to see either ahead of time and had no other information to go on, would you rather fight Mindcrow or Gonadulus?”

“Let’s just say it’s magic.” “Let’s just say that I need a little more explanation than that if I’m going to go along with this.” John sighed. “Okay, have you heard of nanotechnology?” “Yeah. Microscopic robots, right?” “Right, and imagine they can make millions of these robots and embed them in a liquid, so that you now have a liquid infused with the power of all these machines. Got it?” “All right.” “Now imagine if, instead of tiny robots, it’s magic.”

“Ha! We should be blessed with an adversary with such uncomplicated ambitions. No, war is never about killing the enemy. War is about remaking the world to suit the whims of some powerful group over the whims of some other powerful group. The dead are just the sparks that fly from the metal as they grind it down.”

A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with teeth tearing through their muscle and bones. We humans have computers and soap and houses but it doesn’t change the fact that everything that walks is nothing but food for something else.