The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right Outside Your Door

by Jay Pathak

As I learned to make time to be intentional in my neighborhood, I began to live at a healthier pace.

We know that getting to know your neighbors can sometimes be intimidating. If you’re like us, when you watch the news you can’t help but feel overwhelmed. There are endless stories of child abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, teen pregnancy, out-of-control debt, and a laundry list of other issues. Not only does it make you want to turn the channel and escape, but it also makes you wary of strangers, even the ones that live on your block.

Vicky said, “From the city’s perspective, there isn’t a noticeable difference in how Christians and non-Christians neighbor in our community.” This was a moment that galvanized us. We realized something was wrong.

It’s common for churches to host big events and ask people to invite their friends. This is not a bad thing and, in fact, has been an effective way for people to share their faith with friends and neighbors who don’t know God. But at the same time, there are many people around us who will never attend one of these events. So it’s important for us to think about how we can go to the places where they already are.

But you have to start somewhere. They probably don’t know your name either. Someone has to break the ice. Why not you?

The truth is that things will only settle down when you die or when you get intentional about adjusting your schedule.

we convince ourselves that we’re just one more purchase or achievement away from contentment. If we could just buy more, do more, or be more, then things would be all right.

Jesus came to offer us a different way of living. He said, “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10). He wasn’t talking about “full” in the sense of having a packed schedule. He meant it in the sense of abundance. In other words, a good, meaningful life.

And, by far, the single biggest sacrifice that families need to make for their kids to succeed in sports is time.

how can we live like Jesus? The answer: we must learn how to keep the main thing the main thing.

As Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

While Mary sits at the feet of Jesus listening to all he says, the other sister, Martha, devotes herself to cleaning the house and making the meal. The pace catches up with Martha, and she complains to Jesus. She wonders why her sister doesn’t help her in the kitchen, according to the cultural practice of the day. “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (vv. 41–42).

Martha opens up her home for Jesus. She cares so much about him and his followers that she prepares a meal. That’s all good. But Martha’s busyness causes her to miss out on an opportunity to be with Jesus and the others. And Jesus reprimands her for it.

It irks me every time a male pastor preaches this!!! Who else is going to make sure all the company get fed? Martha is probably by herself doing the work while everyone else is listening to and laughing with Jesus. Martha probably doesn't even enjoy the cooking, but usually it's her and Mary spending time together.

But Mary defies the cultural norms of her day. Instead, her life is centered around the main thing.

But none of the men are defying cultural norms to help Martha in the kitchen!!

Living a hurried, frantic lifestyle

But I don't think Martha was living hurried and frantic. She was surprised by guests and couldn't order takeout!!

So if our lives are out of balance and we don’t have time to get to know the person next door, the solution is clear—identify and eliminate the nonessentials. Following are three life-balancing principles that will help you do just that: (1) make the main thing the main thing, (2) eliminate time stealers, and (3) be interruptible.

If you ever find yourself in Florence, Italy, you should go see David, the statue by Michelangelo. If you do, you’ll likely hear the guide tell the in-depth story of how Michelangelo carved the masterpiece. By Michelangelo’s own account, he simply started with a block of marble and took away everything that wasn’t the masterpiece. He was a master of the art of elimination. In the same way, when we take the Great Commandment seriously, we, too, must practice the art of elimination. We must focus on our top priorities and choose not to do the activities that keep us from that focus.

Anytime, any day, you can turn on the TV or hit a link to view multiple scary or downright cringe-worthy stories. The natural response is, “Wow, we live in a sick and broken world.” And it’s true—there are some really messed up people out there. The problem is that when we are continually exposed to these types of stories, a subtle shift can take place in how

we view the people around us. It’s easy to believe that those really sick people are everywhere, when, in reality, they are the exception.

Or is it possible that, because of technology, our awareness of people’s brokenness is much higher now than it has been in the past?

Going down to the soup kitchen one night a year is one thing, but when you get to know your neighbors, they’re always there. There’s no getting away from them, nowhere to run and hide.

be sure, throughout this journey we have often thought, This neighboring stuff is just too messy. I’m just not sure it’s worth it.

They had always feared their neighbors, perceiving them as giants. But in truth their neighbors feared the Israelites because of their God.

But how can you know this from the start? Or do you have to rely on a faith so strong that you power through anyway? Could their have been some middle ground between invade and don't invade?

We may be afraid, but often things are not as they seem. When we are following God into our neighborhoods, we have nothing to fear.

Someone has to break the cycle of fear.

These are the times when you whisper to yourself things like: “This is strange. These people are going to think that this is really weird.” Or “I’m an introvert and there has to be someone on this block better suited for this.”