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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Brené Brown
Read between
February 28 - July 30, 2023
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.
Keep everyone at a safe distance and always have an exit strategy.
“If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist.”
Sinek's assessment of how difficult it is to measure impact: copies of a book sold vs # of reads and implementation by readers; Covey's assessment of setting the right goals for people: "I hate rating my one employee; he knocks his self assessment out of the park, but doesn't actually work on improving his management and team building like I wish he would" - "Well, you picked the wrong goals and metrics for that individual."
connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives,
“What do the people who are the most resilient to shame, who believe in their worthiness—I call these people the Wholehearted—have in common?”
It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection
developed practices that enable them to hold on to the belief that they are worthy of love, belonging, and even joy.
living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection.
The most significant problems that everyone from C-level executives to the frontline folks talk to me about stem from disengagement, the lack of feedback, the fear of staying relevant amid rapid change, and the need for clarity of purpose.
cultural messaging everywhere that says that an ordinary life is a meaningless life.
constant overt or covert comparing and ranking?
Though shalt distribute this distribution of rankings in your subdiv
The opposite of scarcity is enough, or what I call Wholeheartedness.
courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.
To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness.
Here’s the crux of the struggle: I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.
Unfortunately, there is no “get out of vulnerability free”
Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.
Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable.
With children, actions speak louder than words. When we stop requesting invitations into their lives by asking about their day, asking them to tell us about their favorite songs, wondering how their friends are doing, then children feel pain and fear (and not relief, despite how our teenagers may act). Because they can’t articulate how they feel about our disengagement when we stop making an effort with them, they show us by acting out, thinking, This will get their attention.
Trust isn’t a grand gesture—it’s a growing marble collection.
‘Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.’”
I was shamed a lot growing up and I don’t want to do that to my three kids. I want them to know they’re enough.
We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.’”
The two wolves... Which one will win? The one you feed!
notion that the leader needs to be “in charge” and to “know all the answers” is both dated and destructive.
recipe for risk aversion if ever I have heard it. Shame becomes fear. Fear leads to risk aversion. Risk aversion kills innovation.
Fess up to experiencing shame or admit that you’re a sociopath. Quick note: This is the only time that shame seems like a good option.
researchers found that, as far as the brain is concerned, physical pain and intense experiences of social rejection hurt in the same way.
Peter Drucker: “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”
Faith minus vulnerability equals politics, or worse, extremism. Spiritual connection and engagement is not built on compliance, it’s the product of love, belonging, and vulnerability.
That’s why dehumanizing cultures foster the highest levels of disengagement—they create value gaps that actual humans can’t hope to successfully navigate.
The term leader has nothing to do with position, status, or number of direct reports.
SimonSineck definition. There are people with authority. We do what they say, but we wouldnt follow them. And there are people below us who lok out for us that we would follow.
The problem is that innovative ideas often sound crazy and failure and learning are part of revolution.
Most people and most organizations can’t stand the uncertainty and the risk of real innovation.
They focus on what they already do well and they don’t put themselves out there.”
human organizations are not actually mechanisms and people are not components in them.
An organization is not the physical facilities within which it operates; it is the networks of people in it.”
Some of the very best teachers I know volunteer to teach some of the most challenging students without any thought about how it’s going to affect their scores or bonuses. They do it because they love their work and they believe in the kids.”
In organizations, schools, and families, blaming and finger-pointing are often symptoms of shame.
When we don’t talk to the people we’re leading about their strengths and their opportunities for growth, they begin to question their contributions and our commitment. Disengagement follows.
no question that feedback may be one of the most difficult arenas to negotiate
victory is not getting good feedback, avoiding giving difficult feedback, or avoiding the need for feedback. Instead it’s taking off the armor, showing up, and engaging.
the shift from “having the best idea or problem solving” to “being the best leader of people.”
It’s not that our children can’t stand the vulnerability of handling their own situations, it’s that we can’t stand the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, even when we know it’s the right thing to do.
Experience with adversity, tenacity, and grit emerged in my research as an important quality of Wholeheartedness.
hope isn’t an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.
a trilogy of goals, pathways, and agency.
Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage.
