Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

by Brené Brown

the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement.

Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.

The real questions for parents should be: “Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?” If so, plan to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions.

Imperfect parenting moments turn into gifts as our children watch us try to figure out what went wrong and how we can do better next time.

Our first inclination is to cure “the narcissists” by cutting them down to size.

Labeling the problem in a way that makes it about who people are rather than the choices they’re making lets all of us off the hook: Too bad. That’s who I am.

Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.

when we don’t acknowledge how and where we’re tender, we’re more at risk of being hurt.

We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us.

Here’s the crux of the struggle: I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.

I thought about a paperweight on my desk that reads, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” I pushed that question out of my head to make room for a new question. As I walked up to the stage, I literally whispered aloud, “What’s worth doing even if I fail?”

Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.

Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust, and disengagement.

It’s crazy how much energy we spend trying to avoid these hard topics when they’re really the only ones that can set us free.

When our self-worth isn’t on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts.

The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Guilt=I did something bad. Shame=I am bad.