Bad Luck Charm (Witch City, #1)

by Julie Johnson

“You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH, THE WIZARD OF OZ

They say Satan has a sense of humor. That may explain why my life is such a joke. - Gwen Goode, lamenting recent events

Chase my dreams? Honey, I don’t even chase my tequila shots. - Gwen Goode, ordering another round

Some people fight their inner demons. Mine mostly just want to cuddle. - Gwen Goode, reflecting inwardly

If he’s such a crafty devil, why doesn’t he own a hot glue gun? - Gwen Goode, attempting at-home DIY

I thought “ghosting” meant he was a real freak in the sheets. - Gwen Goode, wondering why her last date never called

Why they decided to call it ‘emotional baggage’ instead of ‘griefcase’ is simply beyond me. - Gwen Goode, loathing the English language

Skeletons? In my closet? Not with all these shoes. - Gwen Goode, lamenting her lack of storage

I confess, I am full of sin. - Gwen Goode, after eating approximately two deviled eggs

I’m more of a dog person. - Gwen Goode, forced to hold a newborn

He’s a walking red flag. Thankfully, red is my favorite color. - Gwen Goode, justifying a recent crush

A special place in Hell? For me? That’s actually so thoughtful. - Gwen Goode, flattered by an enemy

Dating a man for less than a month is not a relationship. It’s a free trial. - Gwen Goode, unsubscribing

I bring a lot to the table. (Mainly charcuterie.) - Gwen Goode, attending a dinner party

Putting the die in diet since three hours ago when I decided to eat healthier. - Gwen Goode, resisting temptation

I thought “bread-crumbing” was a Hansel & Gretel reference. - Gwen Goode, learning new lingo

They say you attract what you fear most… I am soooo scared of all-expense-paid vacations. - Gwen Goode, dreaming of a white sand beach

People who give out apples instead of candy are the scariest monsters on Halloween. - Gwen Goode, stocking up on snack-size chocolate bars

Relationships are basically algebra. Haven’t you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? - Gwen Goode, thinking back on old flames

Sure, I have a magic wand. It’s in my nightstand. - Gwen Goode, enjoying six unique vibration patterns

I should’ve been a tennis player. Love means nothing to me. - Gwen Goode, contemplating a different career path

She’s so flaky, her nickname should be croissant. - Gwen Goode, trying to make plans

A man shouldn’t care about your ‘body count’ unless you’re secretly a serial killer. - Gwen Goode, refusing to kiss and tell

You were my cup of tea. (I drink coffee now.) - Gwen Goode, caffeinating

Yeah, I do marathons. Mostly on HBO. - Gwen Goode, binge-watching

Not today, Satan. I’m free tomorrow, though. - Gwen Goode, dealing with the devil

The holy water is supposed to hiss when it hits your skin, right? - Gwen Goode, asking for a friend

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at second you don’t succeed… take, take a nap. - Gwen Goode, in need of sleep

“But if we must get matching funeral plots, I want mine to say ‘I’m with stupid.’”