The Book of G

by Lily Archer

“I want her here, too. I love her. I think you already know that.” I look up at the sky, the stars here so much brighter than the ones I’m used to. “But she doesn’t love me.” Fuck. Why does saying it out loud gut me? I stand silent for a long time just trying to gather what’s left of me. “She said some things that I thought she didn’t mean. But then …” Belinda puts her chin on my shoulder. I pet her cheek. “I thought if I could fix my face, she’d be able to love me, you know? But I don’t think it’ll be enough. I’m not enough. Because I’m broken and an oaf and wicked—everything she’s ever accused me of. She was right. You should’ve seen her at the palace.” I sigh more deeply than I ever have in my life. “It’s like … it’s like we never happened. Maybe I was just a pet, like her father said. And now she’s tired of me. She’s moved on.” I swallow thickly. “Even though I never will.” A huff of breath, and she presses herself against me harder in another hug. “I want her, but I don’t want to get in the way of her being happy.” The hurt goes even deeper, all the way to my center. “I want to be selfish and march in there, slay that Tristan the Twat, and throw her over my shoulder. I think … I think that’s what the old me would do. I wouldn’t give her a choice. I’d just take what I wanted. But I’m trying to be better. She’s made me better. And as much as it fucking destroys me, I have to let her choose her happiness. Even if it doesn’t include me.” I swallow the lump in my throat, f...