The Book of G

by Lily Archer

“What’s your problem, boy? Scared of a little blood? Afraid of wounds? Or is it his cock? You jealous your tiny prick can’t compete?”

“Just take anything you can imagine and make it ten times more deadly—then you’d be halfway there.” She cackles and hands the map to me. “Don’t follow voices or lights in the trees, make no bargains with hags, do not eat or drink of fae food, and if you hear a mighty howl that shakes the leaves and the air, you may as well bend over and kiss your ass goodbye because the Beast of Gevaudan is coming for you.”

My mouth falls open, my breath stilling in my chest. “Are those … Why does Charles have tits?”

“Tits.” I cradle my head in my hands as I sit beside Shazza’s fire while she dabs some stinking ointment onto my burns. “This whole time. For months, he’s had tits! Nice ones, too.”

“Spread your legs and get on the damn horse.” I hold her up, a groan escaping me as my chest screams in pain. “Go!”

Damn, that sounds good. I can provide. She relies on me. I could beat my chest and whoop right now if it wouldn’t hurt so damn bad.

Her gaze lifts to the town. “Will they help us?” I hunch down so I can rest my chin on her shoulder. “Maybe if you show them that perfect pair of ti—oomph!” I grunt as she kicks me. “You’re so good at foreplay.” I grin. “Ugh.” She shakes her head. “See? That’s why I pretended to be a boy.” “Because you were afraid of how attracted you were to me?” “That doesn’t even make sense. I was a boy before you ever washed up.” “So you don’t deny that you’re attracted to me?” “You know? Maybe this was a good idea. This way I can freeze to death so I don’t have to hear any more of your ridiculous arrogance.”

I press my lips to her ear and enjoy the shiver I feel coursing through her. “I think you like my arrogance.” “If you want to stay on this horse, you’ll keep your mouth to yourself.” She turns and glares at me, our lips only a whisper away.

“You know, I’m beginning to think you get off on being rude to me.” I put my hands on her shoulders and run them down her arms to her wrists. “I certainly do.” “That’s what you call ‘thinking’?” I bark a laugh and pull her wrists inward, wrapping her up in my arms. “See what I mean? You can’t help yourself. It’s practically foreplay.”

“I know what I’d do with you.” I drop my palms to her thighs and let them rest there. “I’ve thought about it quite a bit. First, I’d get a taste of you, every bit of you. I want to inhale it, lick it, fucking bask in it. I think about how you’ll feel on my tongue, and I already know it’s sweet. It’s that scent I catch every now and again, the one I thought was pie.” I chuckle, the sound raspy and low in my throat. “It’s you, and I want to gorge myself on nothing but you.”

“I’d worship those perfect tits of yours, and I’d definitely leave a bite mark on your round ass. I’d kiss your ears, especially the points—the ones you pretend don’t exist.”

“And then I’d bury myself inside you and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything except take what I’m giving.” My hands drift higher on her spread thighs. “All you have to do is ask. Just say the words, and I’ll make good on everything I’ve said. It’s a promise.”

“Afraid you’ll jump on my cock and ravage me in my sleep?” I waggle my good eyebrow.

“Tell you my name. I get it. Now be quiet. Daddy’s trying to concentrate.” I use my axe to wrench a large smoldering log from the fire and heave it away. It rolls closer to the trees. I walk up behind it and give it a hard kick, sending it sparking and sizzling through the undergrowth until it comes to rest against a sapling.

“Maybe so, but this way will keep Belinda free of catching the clap from the road.” Charlie turns to me. “That’s possible?” “I don’t think Belinda wants to find out, do you, girl?” I pat her ass. She doesn’t try to bite me … this time.

“I was thinking ‘morally gray’ but you’re more like a midnight abyss.” She mutters something under her breath, ending with the word ‘wicked.’

“We both know you were drooling.” I lift her easily onto the horse then climb up behind her. “I was not.” She takes the reins and guides Belinda through the busy street, carts and people passing with no care for getting struck or crushed. “You were. But there’s no need to argue. We’re in the city of love, after all.” “Where we just bought weapons.” She pats her sword. “And you got hot watching me use mine.”

“I’m certain I was a joy. I bet everyone in my town loved me. When I disappeared, they must’ve had a huge mourning event for me. Think of all the young ladies who would’ve come and cried on my grave, sad that they missed out on bedding me.”

“By the time we’re through with this trip, you’ll understand there’s no amount of wickedness I wouldn’t do for you.”

She pulls back, her breath shaky as she meets my gaze. “What are you doing to me?” “Anything you’ll let me.” She swallows hard and licks her lips. “L-let’s go.” She turns. I groan. “I think what you meant to say was ‘take me, G, take me right here on the street while everyone watches.’” She shivers as I press a kiss to the back of her neck. “Just tell me what you want, Charlie. Tell me and I’ll burn down heaven and earth to give it to you.”

“You’re the one stabbing me with your cock,” she hisses. “Now that’s a pretty picture,” I breathe in her ear, loving the way her skin pebbles. “Oaf,” she spits. I smirk and wrap one arm around her waist, then grind my erection against her backside. “Tell me more. You know what your insults do to me.” “G, knock it off.” “G? Not ‘oaf’ or ‘simpleton’ or what’s that one that starts with a ‘d’? I really like that one.” “Dolt,” she says tightly. I groan and put my hands on her thighs as we pass a half-built cathedral. “That’s the one. Drives me wild.”

I nod a little, then stop. “Nope, I don’t buy it. The guy was clearly hung like a horse—I can relate—and she’s upset she can’t ride that pony anymore.”

Commander Thorpe consults his map, though Charlie already got a look at it and said it wasn’t a true rendering of this patch of woods. ‘More a patchwork of guesses than anything else,’ she’d told me last night as we huddled together, though she was clear I was not to kiss her, hold her, or whisper anything filthy to her while we were in the company of the hunters. I abided by points one and two, but three? I whispered her a bedtime story so scandalous about two completely fictional characters named “Charlie” and “G” that I knew her cheeks were burning bright by the time I was done.

“For a man with only half a face, you certainly wear your thoughts openly. I can read you like a playbill.” She pours the bucket into the tub. “Let me put your worries to rest. Charlie has been by your side these many days and nights. Never left you. Comforted you while you cried out in your sleep. I’ve never seen such devotion. Almost made me jealous.” She smooths her skirt. “But I won’t let any man get his claws into me. I’m too much of a free spirit, and I make too much coin on my back to just give it up.” She winks at me.

“Lean forward.” I try not to groan as I do what she says, but my body does not like the change in position. “That’s good enough. Now tilt your head back.” Her hand is on my shoulder, holding me steady, and then she pours warm water through my hair. “That feels so fucking good.” I chew my croissant as she pours more water, my eyes closed as I simply enjoy. The scent of soap floats past, and then I hear her lathering her hands. When she runs them through my hair, I can’t stifle a moan. And when her fingers go to work on my scalp? Fuck me, I’m in heaven.

Reluctantly, she meets my gaze again, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears. “I love you. Don’t you know that? I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything other than myself. I don’t remember how I used to be, but somehow, I know that’s true. At least it was, until you. I feel like maybe I’d been empty, like whatever life I had before was only a buildup to this. To you and me. I can’t explain it, but I know this is real, this is where I’m meant to be, because it’s where you are. I’d follow you anywhere, Charlie. I’d do anything to keep you safe, to make you happy.”

She giggles and smacks my shoulders. “Oaf.” I thrust my hips against her. “Charlie, you know what that does to me.” She giggles again. “Cretin.” I groan and yank the blanket from between us, then press along her wet slit, my cock head seeking her entrance. “More.” “Dolt!” She laughs as I kiss her. “Oh, fuck yes, that’s the one.” I press inside her, our bodies becoming one again as we delight in each other for the rest of the Parisian night.

His sneer turns into a slight smile. “Oh, now this is fun. The hideous beast has fallen in love with my beauty, is that it?” he simpers. “You think she would ever choose a repugnant monster like you over me? Just look at you and look at her. Laughable.” He chuckles.

“What if I made a herd of goats attack a blind beggar?” I shrug. “At least he wouldn’t see them coming.” She snickers. “Awful.”

“And now you’re just an asshole?” She smirks. “Worse. I’m an asshole in love.” She shakes her head. “And I’m in love with an asshole.” “A perfect pair, Princess.” “Ugh, don’t call me that.” “But you’re a princess. Oh, your royal majestyness.” “Not a thing.” She sighs.