Thoughtless (Thoughtless, #1)

by S.C. Stephens

He wasn’t overly tall for a guy, but he was taller than me, even when I wore heels, and that was enough.

The crowd screamed again. . . . I had no idea why, and I blushed and glared up at Kellan, wishing he would be quiet. He laughed at my look. “I want you all to be nice to her.”

The bartender was leaning over the bar and eyeing Kellan seductively. She had cut her red Pete’s shirt so it was obscenely low in the front. Kellan, ignoring her, sipped his beer casually and smiled when he saw me.

“Kiera . . .” He lightly put his hand on my arm and I instinctively looked up at his face. The concern in his eyes and the unexpected tender touch set me right off, and the tears started streaming. Without hesitation, he pulled me to him in a tight embrace. He lightly rubbed my back and rested his cheek on my head. It was very comforting, but I sobbed anyway, while the people around us stared. He ignored the stares and questioning looks (he did have quite a reputation, after all) and held me without comment or complaint until my tears stopped.

The car ride home was comfortably silent. Kellan never once pressed me to speak. His kindness, and the memory of his sweet embrace earlier, made me want to open up to him, though.

I blushed and thought, once again, that I needed to be more careful about what I said around him. Apparently, I needed to watch what I thought around him as well, since even my thoughts seemed to slip out without permission.

“It will be fine, Kiera,” Kellan said from where he had paused at his door, watching me.

dalliances.

Griffin shot first while Kellan stood beside me, a stick upright in his hands. He grinned at me when Griffin didn’t make anything on the break. Then he leaned over the pool table and, watching me with a cocky half-smile on his lips, he made his shot. I laughed softly when his ball completely missed every other ball. He looked back at the table and frowned, then looked back up at me and laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he straightened back up. His woman put a hand over his stomach consolingly, but he didn’t look over at her.

He was dressed casually in shorts and a T-shirt, so I copied him and picked out my shorty-shorts and a tight tank top. He watched me as I came down the stairs, and then looked away, smiling to himself.

We walked near the Space Needle on the way in, and Kellan pulled me close, telling me we could go up later if I wanted.

Kellan noticed my attention and looked over. I looked up and watched him watch his friends. I was curious if he would go over there or not. His blue eyes sparkled as the sunlight hit them and, after a moment, he looked back down to my curious eyes and shrugged, smiling a little at me. Then he turned his attention back to the show. I was relieved that he was happy to stay over by me. I started to wonder over that, but then decided he was pleasant to be around, and not too bad to look at, and that was a good enough answer for right now. Besides, I had been so lonely lately and, right or wrong, his closeness was making that feeling fade. Relaxing for the first time in what felt like weeks, I turned and slipped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. I felt him stiffen a little at how closely we were connected, and then he relaxed, too, his thumb lightly stroking my back. I wasn’t sure why I did that, but I sighed contentedly at the warmth of his embrace.

Evan strolled alongside Kellan and me, watching the crowds and curiously eyeing Kellan, who was still holding my hand.

Once up to a stage, the guys would disappear, getting as close as possible to the front, with the more aggressive people, while Kellan would stay by me, seemingly happy and content farther back. I felt a little guilty that he was missing out on what guys considered “fun,” but I liked having him near, so I didn’t say anything.

Looking down at me he said, “Do you want me to win you another one?”

I lifted my head to find his beautiful blue eyes watching me. “Hey, sleepy,” he whispered. “I was beginning to think I’d have to carry you.” “Oh . . . sorry.” I blushed at the thought. He laughed a little. “It’s all right. I wouldn’t have minded.” He paused for a second. “Did you have fun?”

traipsing

It looked like porn . . . or some cable show that was close enough to it. I could feel my cheeks flushing and I stared down at my bottle. Matt and Griffin settled back to watch while Kellan looked over at me curiously. I tried to stay composed. If I got up and left, Griffin would have a field day the next time I saw him at the bar. If I just sat here and pretended to watch with them for a while, he would probably just let it go. The noises from the TV weren’t helping with my blush, however. Really, why did guys watch this stuff? And why was Kellan watching me? Eventually, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Are you uncomfortable?”

He slightly spilled the tequila while filling our shot glasses, and he laughed when he took his lime. I watched him sucking on it and had the craziest, most intense need to suck on it with him.

Sobbing, I sat up and threw my arms around his neck. “Denny . . .” I brokenly tried to speak, “I’m so sorry. . . .” In my head, I was more sorry for Kellan than for our fight, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

I pushed the grief and guilt and horror at what I had done last night to the very back part of my mind. I would deal with it later. This moment was all I could concentrate on now.

That brought to mind such a vivid memory that I blushed and smacked him on the chest to keep him walking forward. He didn’t say anything but glanced over at me, seemingly torn between irritation and another emotion I couldn’t even begin to guess.

Being in his room with him again brought back even more memories that I didn’t want to have. They got especially vivid when Kellan took off his shirt. I turned and headed back to the door when he started unbuttoning his jeans. I couldn’t help but watch him through a slight crack in his door, though.

He always tried to make me happy, always tried to spare me pain.

He was halfway to his car by the time I closed the gate behind me. “Kellan!” My voice sounded too high, too panicked. Get a grip, I thought angrily. Say goodbye, let him go, and get your ass back to the bar to wait for Denny. “Please, wait.”

“No, please, don’t leave! Stay . . . stay here with . . . with us. Just don’t go. . . .” My voice broke at the end and I couldn’t understand why I was saying these things to him. I meant to say goodbye. Why were the words coming out so wrong?

One single tear rolled down his cheek and the thing inside me broke completely. His pain, his suffering, awakened feelings in me for him that I had never felt before. I wanted to protect him, I wanted to heal him. I would give anything to take his pain away. The coldness, the irritation, the women, Denny, right and wrong—the pain in his eyes made everything else slip away.

Thoughtless, I placed my free hand upon his cheek and wiped the tear away with my thumb. Instantly I knew it was a mistake. The touch was far too intimate. The heat of his skin seemed to radiate all the way up my arm, igniting my whole body. His breath stopped as our eyes locked, and I knew I needed to turn and run back to the bar as fast as I could. I also knew it was too late.

I pressed harder against his lips and he made a noise, almost as if in pain. “What are you doing, Kiera?” He whispered his question again, his body still rigid. I paused with my lips barely brushing his. “I don’t know . . . just don’t leave me, please don’t leave me,” I whispered breathlessly, keeping my eyes firmly closed, not wanting to see his reaction to my begging.

“Oh, God . . . please, Kellan . . .” I moaned in his ear. He quickly adjusted his clothes and pushed himself into me before my addled brain could even process what had happened. I had to lightly bite his shoulder to keep from screaming out with the pleasure of it. He buried his head in my neck and paused to catch his breath. In my impatience, I raised my hips to his and he groaned, pushing hard against me. I wanted it harder. Surprisingly, I told him so, and he roughly, and eagerly, obliged. “God, Kiera . . .” I heard a faint, “God . . . yes,”

In the final moment of pure ecstasy, when I could feel my body clenching around the length of him deep inside of me, my fingers once again raked down his back . . . but this time hard—very, very hard. I felt the wetness of his blood as I cut through skin, and he gasped in . . . pain? Pleasure? It only intensified the moment for me, and I let out a long cry as I rode out the warm sensation expanding deep within my core. He answered with a deep moan of his own, and clutched my thigh so hard I knew I would bruise as he drove into me a final few times with his own release.

When I looked back, Kellan stopped smiling and leaned toward me intently. “I was wrong before. Maybe you do want this. It’s worth it to me to stay and find out.”

“I had a lot of time to think last night.” He looked back up into my eyes. “I won’t hurt him unnecessarily. I won’t tell him, if you don’t want me to.”

Eventually, I felt a hand curl around my upper thigh . . . around my bruised upper thigh. I stiffened and turned to face him. I had planned on slapping him, but seeing him made me catch my breath and quickened my heart, and I dropped my hand.

He was freshly showered, his hair wild and messy, but still damp around the edges. He had on midnight black jeans that sharpened the contrasting redness of his perfectly tight T-shirt, a shirt that teasingly showcased every curved layer of his broad shoulders and emphasized amazing pecs that any male model would kill for. But it wasn’t his smoking body that held my attention. It was the eyes. They practically . . . simmered . . . as he held my thigh. A crooked grin was fixed on his lips as he studied me.

The image of me digging my nails deep in his flesh leapt into my head so vividly that I thought I might lose the ability to keep standing.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into an embrace. “I haven’t done anything to you . . . recently,” he said innocently. I tried to push away from his embrace but he held me tight. “Uhhh . . . this?” I tried to indicate his arms around me, but couldn’t move very well. He laughed and kissed my jaw. “We do this all the time. Sometimes we do more. . . .”

“I’ll leave it at this. Just flirting. I’ll try not to be inappropriate with you.” He sighed. “Just friendly flirting, like we used to . . .” “Kellan, I don’t think we should even . . . not since that night. Not since we’ve . . .” He smiled, perhaps as the memory flooded through him, like it had just flooded through me, and stroked my cheek. “I need to be close to you, Kiera. This is the best compromise I can offer you.” He suddenly smiled wickedly and my heart rate spiked again at his raw sex appeal. “Or I could just take you right here on the couch.” I stiffened on his lap and he sighed. “I’m joking, Kiera.” “No, no you’re not, Kellan. That’s the problem. If I said okay . . .” He smiled charmingly. “I would do whatever you asked,” he whispered.

He pointed to his lips, then down to his pants. “Don’t touch,” he mocked. I smacked his chest. “Unless you really, really want to . . .” he added with a chuckle.

“Hey.” Kellan’s voice snapped me out of my near trance, and I glanced back up at his amused eyes. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, “Are you objectifying me?” I blushed and looked away as he chuckled. “It’s okay if you are. I was just wondering if maybe you were thinking about renegotiating our rules?” He met my eyes and grinned. “Can I kiss you yet?”

I blushed deeply and looked away, making him chuckle. I hadn’t realized . . . maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe there was no such thing as innocent flirting.

He grabbed my hand and my bag as he led me to his car. He begged me to let him walk me to class, so I conceded. Really, it wasn’t necessary, but who was I to deny a gorgeous, begging boy?

Love for this beautiful, wonderful man filled me, dissolving the enormous guilt built up in my heart.

The hard length of him pressed up against my body and I tentatively reached down to curl my fingers around him. He let out a groan in my ear as my hand squeezed the base of him. I stroked my hand up and down his thickness a few times, while he panted heavily in my ear. His chest rising and falling against mine, he suddenly lifted me up against the wall slightly and then slid himself perfectly into me. He was so strong that the move was effortless for him, and surprising comfortable for me. I groaned loudly with the pleasure of it. My legs wrapped around him, pulling him even deeper inside me.

My head drifted into a pleasant fog as Denny became my entire world—every smell, every touch, every breath, and every movement. It was intoxicating and beautiful and heartwarming . . .

“He can’t touch you like that if I don’t get to. It’s against the rules.”