Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down

by Corey Keyes

Acceptance: Are you accepting of yourself as you are—your personality, your strengths and weaknesses, your behavior, and your full range of thoughts and emotions? Are you accepting of other people? This doesn’t necessarily mean that you like them, agree with them, or approve of their choices, simply that you accept the reality of who they are without trying to change it. Autonomy: When a situation calls for self-direction, are you comfortable thinking for yourself, expressing yourself, and doing your own thing? Because it is a form of independence from society and social influence, autonomy is measured as a form of psychological well-being. (If I were creating my questionnaire today, I might add a question about your ability to engage in cooperative thinking and action that could reflect the social well-being side of confidence. Cooperative thinking seems to be in even shorter supply now than it was then.) Connection: Are you able to cultivate warm, trusting relationships? Are you part of a larger community? As a social species—because 80 percent of our evolutionary history has been spent in small hunting and gathering tribes—human beings thrive best when they feel connected to others. Competence: Are you able to manage the tasks of daily life? This is the psychological component of competence. Socially, competence is the ability to be able to make sense of complicated events and a complex social world. Mastery: Are you motivated to learn and grow? Getting better at someth...

If I didn’t have to work at all, how might I spend my day, my week? Who are the people in my life I would like to emulate and why? How can I seek out more people I admire?

Who are the people in my life who most challenge me and why? How can I seek out more people who challenge me? What are the possibilities and future outcomes that scare me most and why? How can I make changes in my life without feeling guilt or remorse? How can I seek out challenges instead of run from them?

How can I learn from the past without dwelling on the past? How can I find ways to value myself more or differently than I have in the past?

Passive leisure is like junk food; spending more time, whether you are richer or poorer, doing passive leisure decreases life satisfaction.

People who spend their money on experiences are far happier.

It is my belief that as soon as you take a photo of an amazing experience and post it on social media, it is no longer an experience but a thing, an object, an acquisition.

Increase your active leisure and decrease your passive leisure.

Enjoyment is not the same as fun, not even close.

One of the best ways to learn to flourish—and continue flourishing—is to build a community of flourishers around you.

Unrequited longing is the very essence of emptiness and languishing.

Do not be satisfied with the way things are if you are languishing.