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“I’m sure some guy out there will probably accept your condition, Lina. Sorry, I couldn’t be him,” Feroze says, trying to smooth things over. “Probably has a bigger dick than yours, too.” “You haven’t even seen my dick, Alina.” “But I have seen your personality, and trust me, that’s enough to put your species at risk of extinction. Don’t worry, though. You won’t be missed, baby.”
zjjjjjjjjrdgff liked this
“I should scare you all the time.” I shake my head. “Is it too late to put you up for adoption again?” She marches over and flicks me on the forehead, making a pouty face. “Ouch!” I rub the spot as her expression softens, and she kisses it better. “Sorry about that. You know you’re stuck with me forever, Abbu,” she says with a grin.
aw 😭❤️
It’s not like I’m having a joyride here; it’s more like a ride on a rusty old roller coaster. I’ve been bingeing on mini chocolate croissants, Lay’s Magic Masala chips, and cup noodles; the extra two pounds I’ve gained don’t make me feel any better. My hair has lost its shine, and I’m constantly twitching in my sleep—not enough for a seizure, though. And the Red (Taylor’s Version) vinyl is stuck on repeat in my dark room, playing “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” on an endless loop.
REAL
“Hello? Is this Azeer?” “It is.” I gulp from the delectable baritone. “Hi. I’m here. At Espresso Express. Whereabouts are you?” “Your three o’clock.” I check my Apple watch. “Baba said you and I were supposed to meet at nine in the morning, Azeer. If you were going to reschedule for the afternoon—” “Look to your right, Alina.” “My—” I catch the dark gaze of the dashing businessman. Ya Allah. My heart starts doing jumping jacks, taking a joyous leap out of my chest and heading straight for him like an overeager puppy. I shake out of my unconscious state when my phone hits the floor. I scramble
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😭🫠
“Your eyes speak for themselves,” he says, his voice dripping with hypnotic arrogance. A judgmental head tilt. “And while I must admit you’re not exactly my type, I won’t hold it against you for playing hard to get, Azlan.” “You’re delusional.” “You’re in denial.” “It’s no wonder your wife left you.” “You continue to assume I am divorced,” he says in a relaxed tone, “without realizing I could be a widower.” My frappé plants down on the table in shock. Oh, shit.
“Is it bad? My smile?” Quite the opposite.
Or perhaps . . . she is playing hard to get. But why bother digging? She’s too busy licking whipped cream off her fingers while sitting across from the man on Forbes’ cover last year.
I love them 😭😭❤️🩹❤️🩹
“Believe it or not, Azlan, some people choose to be friends with me voluntarily.” “I believe they’re being held at gunpoint, Khan.” “You always assume the worst in people, don’t you?” She scans my three-piece suit that can pay off her parents’ mortgage. “The deep-pocketed egotists, yes.” “I’m flattered, Alina. Truly.” “Don’t flatter yourself, Khan. I’ve met plenty of your kind in my life.”
“What do you want, snitch?” “Shut up, birth defect.”
me and my brother 😍😍😍😍
She has spread out all her jewellery, including her wedding jewellery, which should be kept in a deposit box at the bank, not on some HomeSense bed sheets next to her prized Revlon makeup collection.
exposing the family shhh
“Remember, chin high, shoulders back, on your best behaviour. Theek hai?” I sigh. “Jee, Mama.” Nothing like a good dose of parental guilt to make you comply with their wishes. Because who wants to spend the car ride home getting lectured about how you’re not living up to their expectations? Definitely not me.
Speak of the she-devil herself. Alina Azlan makes her grand entrance in the corridor, and of course, she has to shoot me a disapproving look before plastering on a fake smile for Ammi-ji. I think I’ll start calling her Nuisance from now on.
But it’s her lips that steal my attention. Pouty and full, painted in a red shade that perfectly matches the ruby specks on her choker—accentuating that prominent cupid’s bow. Her eyes . . . God, her eyes. They’re lined with kohl, and the smoky shadow is expertly brushed around her lids, making her astute gaze all the more intense. And those cheeks—perfectly round, pinchable, and defined by the magic of makeup. Dammit. There’s no denying Alina Azlan is an actual work of art when she’s not letting her low-maintenance persona rule the roost.
🛐🛐🛐🛐
“Cat got your tongue, Asseer?” she asks, a smug grin on her face. “I won’t hesitate to cut yours out,” I retort, unwilling to let her get the upper hand. “I’d like to see you try,” she fires back, sticking her tongue out and winking at me before strolling through the kitchen doors like she owns the place. Man, this girl knows how to push my buttons.
But before I can fully move out of the way, I collide with Alina. Instinctively, I grab her arm to prevent her from falling. As I release her, I slip my hands into my pockets, but I can feel her eyes on me. It’s unsettling the way she looks at me. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about her gaze makes me feel vulnerable and intrigued.
To cheer her up, I lean low and whisper, “Just remember, baby, if anyone gives you trouble tonight, your middle finger is a universal language. They’ll understand it no matter what language they speak.”
I roll my eyes, and lo and behold, they land on Alina Azlan, who’s staring right back at me. In a sea full of fake smiles and excitement, her face is as blank as a canvas, yet her eyes are smoky enough to set off a fire alarm inside my brain. It’s irritating and gravitational at the same time. I wouldn’t say I like it. I don’t like her. I don’t like her one bit. But Christ, she’s got a stare that could make Medusa flinch.
My lips curl into a satisfied grin as I picture little Zoha running up to her “lovely boy” father and blabbering about my daycare. About me.
😭😭😭😭
“I told you,” Alina states with a smirk. “I like lemon cake.” She runs her finger along her cheek and licks it clean. “Delicious.”
Despite how much of an arrogant hard-ass he’s made himself to be, seeing him melt into a gooey slop of marshmallow and pink glitter around his daughter softens the weight of our punishment.
“You’re so funny, Alina. Maybe you can finally make Abbu laugh.” Her eyes widen as she’s about to tell me a secret. “And he never laughs.” “Well, I’m the funniest person I know, so it’s about time he gets a sense of humour,” I quip back, winking at her.
“Why are you following me?” “I’m not.” “Well, I won’t run away.” “I don’t trust you.” “The feeling’s mutual,”
“I’m hungry.” “Congratulations. You have your bag and wallet with you. Go find something to eat.” I scoff at his response. “You drag me here and expect me to pay for my own meal? No wonder women refuse your company.” He grabs my elbow and pulls me back before I can strut away. “I don’t seek any woman’s company, Nuisance. Therefore, there’s no refusing. Now, take your cheap little wallet out of your cheap little purse and go eat something.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, my stomach growls loudly. “Fine, but if I go broke after this meal, I’m sending you the bill,” I retort, flashing my
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“Just don’t forget to take your meds.” My eyes fly open. “How do you know that?” “Unfortunately, I was listening to you on our blind date,” he responds. “Bare minimum,” I grumble under my breath, looking elsewhere. He pinches my chin, forcing me to face him again. My body heats up from our close proximity, causing a delicious rumble inside my chest. “Can you make your way over there, or do you need me to hold your hand in case you get lost?” “You get lost,” I retort, shoving his bicep with my shoulder and storming off toward the food court. “Stupidly sexy man with his stupidly perfect hair and
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🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
I’m also pretty much broke after going on a wild book-shopping spree last weekend. I mean, why settle for one real-life millionaire husband when you can have a whole library of billionaire husbands at your fingertips? Priorities, people.
exACTLYYYY
“I’ve been searching for you everywhere, sweetheart.” Azeer’s strong arm wraps possessively tight around my waist, his deep baritone voice sending an electric charge down my spine. “And who’s your friend?” he asks, his gaze fixated on Samir. Just my fucking luck.
LORDDDD🛐🛐🛐🛐
“Samir, this is Azeer. My— Uh—” Nemesis? Enemy? Scum of the earth that I’ve been arranged to? No, more like an unwelcome presence that I can’t seem to get rid of. A persistent itch you can’t quite scratch, a fly that won’t leave you alone, or a bad haircut you’re stuck with for months. Or, in my unfortunate case, permanently. “Fiancé,” Azeer finishes for me. “I’m her fiancé.”
Oh 🫠😩
“Hopefully, it doesn’t choke me,” I add with a glare. “Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart.” He flashes me a perfect, pearly smile. “That’s my job.”
“Listen, we both know this is just a silly bet, right? I mean, you’re not actually going to marry me if you win,” she says. “Right?” I speed ahead, winning the second lap, and shoot her a look. “Humour me, Nuisance. Don’t act like you don’t want this,”
“Please. Who wouldn’t want this? As moody as you are, I’d be insane not to accept this ‘punishment.’” I glare at her, realizing she’s distracting me from the race. “Then what are you hassling me for, Nuisance?”
“We make a great match, don’t we, Nuisance?” She rolls her eyes. “I’ve had better matches on Tinder.”
“You’ll sleep with me,” I say with a sigh. “That’s what I thought.”
go. I don’t want you calling me that around Zoha, we clear?” Alina leans forward with a mocking pout. “It’ll go when you stop calling me a nuisance. Is that clear, Asseer?” “I’ll stop calling you Nuisance when you stop acting like one. How about that?” “I—” “Anyway,”
😭
“Ugh. Move your hands.” “What are you doing—?” Alina sits on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her cheek against mine. “Smile, dickhead.”
I can’t believe I’m letting her sit on my lap like this. It feels too intimate, too close. And yet, I can’t deny how my body responds to her touch. It’s like I’m under some spell, completely entranced by her. And as much as I hate to admit it, I can feel my defences slowly crumbling. For the love of God, is her sociopathic charm infecting me?
maybe🌚 yes
“Fine. I’ll just make you smile my own way.” She remains seated on my lap, brushing her thumbs over the corners of my flat mouth and lifting them. “Cute,” she mutters, unaware of her words’ impact on me. Snap!
“Fuck you, Azlan.” I squish her apple cheeks and place a hard kiss on the left one. Snap! “Gross!” Alina recoils in disgust and shoves me aside, her warmth vanishing from my thighs. She vigorously rubs the spot where I voluntarily kissed her. “What the fuck, Azeer?” Yeah, what the fuck, Azeer? “You touched my lips with your disease-ridden hands.” “But I didn’t kiss you!” “You wish.” I run a thumb over my bottom lip, grinning at her rapid blinking and the pink flush spreading over her cheeks. “You taste like lemon cake, Nuisance.” She kicks my calf and storms off.
I guess pissing my fiancée off has officially become my favourite hobby.
Goals
Azeer shows me the Notes app on his phone, positioning it between our plates. Last chance, Nuisance. Do you want this? I write: yes. do u? He steals my attention and nods in agreement. “Verbal confirmation, Asseer,” I whisper. His lips twitch. “Yes, I do,” he affirms.
“I do.” “Oh-em-gee!” Zoha’s high-pitched voice echoes through the room. “She said I do!”
me
“I have a strong feeling that none of this was legal.” I playfully elbow him, noticing his hand slipped from my thigh a while ago. “Be grateful someone agreed to marry you.” He rolls his eyes, but I can see a hint of amusement dancing in them. “Yes, Nuisance, I’m eternally grateful that someone was you.” I flash him a sardonic smile. “You should have read the fine print before signing the contract, Asseer. Looks like you’re stuck with me now.” His icy demeanour cracks, replaced by a mild smile that makes my heart skip a beat. “As are you, Nuisance.”
I scoff. “We are not the same, Baba. I’m telling you that man there is written by a male. It’s like he was hatched in a lab and just released into the world without any social skills. I’m surprised he’s even managed to keep a kid alive this long.”
LMFAOOOOO 😭😭😭🫶🫶
“Dude, I don’t know how Alina’s ugly ass pulled you, but damn, am I proud of her. She copped her dream guy.” I resist the urge to wipe the grease off my hand after Fahad’s sloppy greeting. “Dream guy?” “Yeah, bro. You’re like the dudes she reads in her erotica.” “Erotica?” He leans close, ensuring Shaiza aunty is out of earshot as she spreads ghee on a paratha. “So, one day, I got curious and checked out her bookshelf. And let me tell you, they are not your average romance novels. I’m talking full-blown porn on paper, with red tags sticking out of some pages. She fucking annotates it!” He
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bro’s clueless 😭🫠
I notice Alina’s dimples in every single one. Her beaming smile seems to light up the entire room, and I wonder if her jaw ever gets tired from all the grinning. But then again, who could resist a smile like that? It’s so obnoxiously infectious that my own lips curve upward in response. “It’s manipulation, Azeer,” I remind myself as I walk down the hallway
SKSKSSK 😭😭😭😭
I nudge her shoulder slightly, but she only groans and nestles closer to Levi’s cushiony embrace. “Nuisance,” I whisper, giving her another push. “Get your ass up and pack. I have a hotel to run, remember?” Still no response.
“Azeer!” she exclaims, lunging out of bed and thrashing me with a duo of pillows like a birthday party piñata. “You fucking creep! Why the fuck are you in my room?” She continues to pummel me, and I can’t blame her. It’s a welcome distraction from the sight of her. But after the fifteenth smack, I reach my limit. I grab the cushion and hurl it away in frustration. “Clean up, put on some clothes, and finish packing up the rest of East Asia!” I order, intending to leave the room. However, Alina stands in my way, blocking the doorway. She crosses her arms, uplifting those heavy breasts. I try to
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I’ll make sure she’s safe,” I assure her. Regarding Alina’s epilepsy, I’ll give up my swords and guns and do everything to protect her from harm.
Please take care of her, Azeer.” “I will—” “Proper care.” She places a hand on my arm. “I understand neither one of you is thrilled about this arrangement, but it had to happen sooner or later. And I trust my daughter with you out of all the men in this world.” I lift a brow. “May I ask why?” Shaiza aunty smiles playfully. “Because you’re just as much of a bewakoof as her.”
No. I don’t need a driver. I just paid one-fifty for the monthly TTC pass.” “Cancel it. Under no circumstances are you taking that form of transportation, Nuisance.” “Why not? Everyone takes the bus.” “You’re not everyone anymore. You’re my wife.” I don’t miss the blush tinting her round cheeks. “And my wife won’t be stepping inside a bus to save her life. I’ll make sure of that. So drop the stubborn act and say yes for the sake of your family. I’ll take care of everything else.”
