Play Maker (Wild Card, #4)

by Nikki Hall

Something was wrong with me. Not physically—these abs didn’t quit—but something in my brain. I stood in the sun-splashed backyard of a sorority house, surrounded by beautiful women frolicking in bikinis, and I didn’t give a shit.

She was avoiding me by spending the summer at her family’s beach house, and I was trying to give her the space she clearly needed from all the feelings I’d tossed at her. Stupid, I know. The worst part was that I couldn’t stop wondering what if I’d left things the way they were. What if I hadn’t given in to the itch to change something and jumped at her hookup offer.

Another mystery I wanted to solve. Some part of me insisted I was focusing on Blue as a distraction from my splintered insides, but my interest in her was real. It was nice to feel something other than misery and exhaustion.

“It’s not. Relevant. I don’t actually try to get every woman I meet into bed. I mean, the interested ones, yeah, but not for a while. And the whole thing with Eva kind of knocked me out of the game. I couldn’t handle a hookup even if I wanted to.”

“My junk works, Sunshine. I just don’t have any interest in using it.”

“Friends with benefits seems like a bad idea with Eva between us.”

“Last night was for you. Kissing you will be for me.”

Adam was my weakness, and I couldn’t resist him forever. He’d snuck under my defenses, making me want to take a chance. I wasn’t ready. My heart pounded in my ears, and distantly, I knew I was reacting out of panic. It didn’t matter. Something had to change. I couldn’t move forward with Adam without getting my emotions involved, they were already involved.

The quiet words snagged in my mind as I turned away. Shaw had faith in me despite my piss poor performance and unwillingness to talk. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve this team, but I wasn’t going to let them down.

I was tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop…and I was tired of second-guessing myself. Adam hadn’t meant to stand me up, but the drive home from karaoke had been brutal. A stark reminder of how precarious my emotions were. A tiny mix-up sent me searching for ways Adam was pulling away—even when I knew he wasn’t.

I suddenly had other options for living arrangements which would make me feel a whole lot more stable and less dependent on someone keeping secrets from me.

“Why didn’t you stay and talk to me?” Eva’s cheeks puffed as she let out a slow breath. “Because part of me wanted to give in and take the easy road. I already loved you—still love you—and I thought if I couldn’t make it work with you, I didn’t have much of a chance with anyone else. But that’s a terrible reason to be involved with someone. Fear I’d never have the opportunity again? Pass. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“You kiss your girl with that mouth?” I grinned at her. “Do you really want to know what I do to her with my mouth?”

I didn’t know how to traverse this new normal to reach her, so I stayed in place by the window with my heart breaking. Maybe it was time for me to let go of the way things used to be. Change wasn’t always a bad thing. If Mom was happy, I could find a way to be happy for her.

“Your mother is going to be sad to hear that,” Rob replied firmly. Mom appeared on my other side. “Oh no, she won’t. I’m perfectly happy with Blue’s decision to create healthy boundaries and push back against gaslighting.”