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September 25 - October 16, 2024
If we wait until we feel ready to take on a new challenge, we might never pursue it all. There may not come a day when we wake up and suddenly feel prepared. We become prepared by taking the leap anyway.
Human Sponges Building the Capacity to Absorb and Adapt It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest . . . the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt. —Leon C. Megginson
Being a sponge is more than a metaphor. It’s a character skill—a form of proactivity that’s vital to realizing hidden potential. Improving depends not on the quantity of information you seek out, but the quality of the information you take in. Growth is less about how hard you work than how well you learn.
society through productive work. Determination and discipline became virtues; idleness and wastefulness became vices.
They found that as Protestant beliefs spread, entire countries had higher economic growth. But it wasn’t necessarily because people were suddenly working harder.
The lesson here is layered. The progress we normally chalk up to working harder may actually be due to working smarter. Cognitive skills aren’t sufficient for learning, but they’re necessary. Basic literacy makes it possible to leverage character skills more effectively—to be proactive in learning more and learning faster. Prosperity rises as people become more capable of absorbing new ideas and filtering out old ones.
Absorptive capacity is the ability to recognize, value, assimilate, and apply new information. It hinges on two key habits. The first is how you acquire information: Do you react to what enters your field of vision, or are you proactive in seeking new knowledge, skills, and perspectives? The second is the goal you’re pursuing when you filter information: Do you focus on feeding your ego or fueling your growth?
Filtering Goal Ego Growth Absorbing Approach Reactive Rubber Clay Proactive Teflon Sponge Learning is more likely when people are reactive and growth oriented. Responding with an eye toward improvement makes people moldable, like clay.
The sweet spot is when people are proactive and growth oriented. That’s when they become sponges. They consistently take the initiative to expand themselves and adapt. That character skill is especially valuable when the deck is stacked against you—as a pair of young athletes in Africa learned.
When they have helpful input, people are often reluctant to share it. We even hesitate to tell friends they have food in their teeth. We’re confusing politeness with kindness. Being polite is withholding feedback to make someone feel good today. Being kind is being candid about how they can get better tomorrow. It’s possible to be direct in what you say while being thoughtful about how you deliver it. I don’t want to embarrass you, but I realized it would be a lot more embarrassing if no one told you about the broccoli sprouting from your gums.
It’s easy for people to be critics or cheerleaders. It’s harder to get them to be coaches. A critic sees your weaknesses and attacks your worst self. A cheerleader sees your strengths and celebrates your best self. A coach sees your potential and helps you become a better version of yourself.
Importante
Instead of seeking feedback, you’re better off asking for advice. Feedback tends to focus on how well you did last time. Advice shifts attention to how you can do better next time.
What’s the one thing I can do better?
Being a sponge is not only a proactive skill—it’s a prosocial skill. Done right, it’s not just about soaking up nutrients that help us grow. It’s also about releasing nutrients to help others grow.
The Imperfectionists Finding the Sweet Spot between Flawed and Flawless There is a crack, a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in —Leonard Cohen
Ando is esteemed for his ability to make the most of limited spaces with limited budgets. He’s only able to do this because he fully rejects the notion of perfectionism. He knows that to be disciplined in some areas, we have to let others go.
The more you grow, the better you know which flaws are acceptable.
In an increasingly competitive world, kids face growing pressure from parents to be perfect and harsh criticism when they fall short. They learn to judge their worth by the absence of inadequacies. Every flaw is a blow to their self-esteem. I’ve lived it myself.
The real world is far more ambiguous. Once you leave the predictable, controllable cocoon of academic exams, the desire to find the “correct” answer can backfire.
The skills and inclinations that drive people to the top of their high school or college class may not serve them so well after they graduate.
In their quest for flawless results, research suggests that perfectionists tend to get three things wrong. One: they obsess about details that don’t matter. They’re so busy finding the right solution to tiny problems that they lack the discipline to find the right problems to solve. They can’t see the forest for the trees. Two: they avoid unfamiliar situations and difficult tasks that might lead to failure. That leaves them refining a narrow set of existing skills rather than working to develop new ones. Three: they berate themselves for making mistakes, which makes it harder to learn from
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If perfectionism were a medication, the label would alert us to common side effects. Warning: may cause stunted growth. Perfectionism traps us in a spiral of tunnel vision and error avoidance: it prevents us from seeing larger problems and limits us to mastering increasingly narrow skills.
Wabi sabi is the art of honoring the beauty in imperfection. It’s not about creating intentional imperfections. It’s about accepting that flaws are inevitable—and recognizing that they don’t stop something from becoming sublime.
Wabi sabi is a character skill. It gives you the discipline to shift your attention from impossible ideals to achievable standards—and then adjust those standards over time. But finding beauty in imperfection is often easier said than done.
Do your best is the wrong cure for perfectionism. It leaves the target too ambiguous to channel effort and gauge momentum. You’re not sure what you’re aiming for or whether you’ve made meaningful progress. The ideal foil for perfectionism is an objective that’s precise and challenging. It focuses your attention on the most important actions and tells you when enough is enough.
If I didn’t do my best, I still felt frustrated. When divers tell him they had a bad day, Eric likes to ask two questions: Did you make yourself better today? Did you make someone else better today? If the answer to either question is yes, it was a good day.
Expectations tend to rise with accomplishment. The better you’re performing, the more you demand of yourself and the less you notice incremental gains. Appreciating progress depends on remembering how your past self would see your current achievements. If you knew five years ago what you’d accomplish now, how proud would you have been?
Beating yourself up doesn’t make you stronger—it leaves you bruised. Being kind to yourself isn’t about ignoring your weaknesses. It’s about giving yourself permission to learn from your disappointments. We grow by embracing our shortcomings, not by punishing them. Make it feel wrong.
Importante
People judge your potential from your best moments, not your worst. What if you gave yourself the same grace?
Pivoting is a popular concept in Silicon Valley, where it’s often said that done is better than perfect. To rapidly iterate and improve, entrepreneurs and engineers are advised to build a minimum viable product. But excellence is a higher standard: for me, that means aiming for a minimum lovable product.
Identifying which imperfections to fix doesn’t have to be a last-minute scramble.
Striving for social approval comes with a cost: across 105 studies with over 70,000 people, valuing extrinsic goals like popularity and appearance over intrinsic goals like growth and connection predicted lower well-being. Seeking validation is a bottomless pit: the craving for status is never satisfied. But if an external assessment serves as a tool for growth, it may be worth using.
Ultimately, excellence is more than meeting other people’s expectations. It’s also about living up to your own standards. After all, it’s impossible to please everyone. The question is whether you’re letting down the right people. It’s better to disappoint others than to disappoint yourself.
Aspiring to stay green is a commitment to continued growth, to staying unfinished. An apple that isn’t ripe is not fully formed—it’s incomplete and imperfect. That’s what makes it beautiful.
One: Scaffolding generally comes from other people.
When our circumstances threaten to overpower us, instead of only looking inward, we can turn outward to mentors, teachers, coaches, role models, or peers.
Two: Scaffolding is tailored to the obstacle in your path.
Three: Scaffolding comes at a pivotal point in time.
Four: Scaffolding is temporary.
Too often, it feels like our mistakes pile up, while our accomplishments disappear. With the right support at the right moments, we can overcome obstacles to growth.
Transforming the Daily Grind Infusing Passion into Practice It is neither work nor play, purpose nor purposelessness that satisfies us. It is the dance between. —Bernard De Koven
When the Royal Academy of Music decided that Evelyn was lacking in ability, they weren’t wrong. Technically, she didn’t have an ear for music—she couldn’t really hear it at all. The world’s first and finest solo percussionist is profoundly deaf.
