The tone of these private writings, in which he was in effect presenting himself to himself, were wildly different from the tone in which he presented himself to others. “I don’t feel pleasure,” he wrote one day, late in his Jane Street career. “I don’t feel happiness. Somehow my reward system never clicked. My highest highs, my proudest moments, come and pass and I feel nothing but the aching hole in my brain where happiness should be.” He knew he should feel grateful to Jane Street for finding value in him that no one else had, but he also knew that he didn’t. “To truly be thankful, you have
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