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January 27 - February 1, 2019
We must forsake our extrabiblical (and sometimes outright unbiblical) paradigms in favor of biblical ones.
It’s hard to overestimate the importance of the family in general, and fathers in particular.
This is merely one beggar’s effort to tell other beggars where he found bread.
The family is a delivery mechanism for the gospel.
God has called fathers to walk patiently, purposefully, and prayerfully as we lead our families toward all that is ours in Christ.
“The head of the family,” Hodge stated, “should be able to read the Scriptures as well as to lead in the prayer. . . . All persons subject to the watch or care of the Church should be required to maintain in their households this stated worship of God. . . . A man’s responsibility to his children, as well as to God, binds him to make his house a Bethel; if not a Bethel, it will be a dwelling place of evil spirits.” Hodge also recognized the singular importance of the family in the broader scope of God’s redemptive work: “The character of the Church and of the state depends on the character of
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Meanwhile the sacrificial lambs represent the myriad families strewn across the battlefields of their broken homes, having been ravaged by passivity, ignorance, cowardice, and usurpation. They’re homes with fathers who have no earthly idea how to lead them, let alone the slightest inclination to shoulder the responsibility. What’s worse, many of these casualties of war are wearing medals and have trophies on their mantle that read, “For Merely Showing Up”!
We do not rely either on the pulpit or on the home. Both institutions are charged to play their role in this matter, and neither is called to do so without the other.
A number of clear passages in the Old Testament point to a father’s responsibility to disciple his children (e.g., Deut. 6:6–7; Psalm 78; Proverbs 4), and in other places the implications are so strong as to be unavoidable.
The Jones family is a sad but all-too-familiar example of the separation that has come to characterize life for the typical American Christian. Mom and Dad each run off to work eight to ten hours a day (often more, when you include drive time), while the children are off at school. Then come their extracurricular activities—sports, Scouts, music and dance lessons, and many more. The parents serve as chauffeurs driving children from activity to activity, but they rarely engage the children spiritually. At home, they rarely take meals together. And like the typical Christian family of the last
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It’s not that the members of this family are engaging in “sinful” activities; the problem’s deeper than that. The problem is that this family is in the same house, but they never share the same space. They share an address and a last name, but they don’t share life.
What follows is a simple four-part approach designed to show the Mr. Joneses of the world that it can be done. Those four parts are (1) family evangelism and discipleship, (2) marriage enrichment, (3) child training, and (4) lifestyle evaluation.
John Hendryx offers a succinct definition: In short, the Gospel is the life-altering news that Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God, became man, lived a sinless life under the Law, died for sinners, and rose again to reconcile them to himself, eternally victorious over every enemy that stood between God and man.4
The gospel is the glorious, Christ-centered, cross-centered, grace-centered news of what God has done in Jesus Christ (the last Adam) to redeem man from the fall of his federal head (the first Adam) and to give man an eschatological hope that all things will eventually be redeemed in Christ.
Family shepherds cannot afford to be ignorant concerning these matters. We must know the difference between law and gospel. We must know the difference between committing ourselves to leadership in our families because it’s “right,” and looking to Christ as the Good Shepherd who, by his grace, will conform us to the will of his Father as we trust and obey him. We must also know the difference between condemning our family with the law and shepherding them with the gospel. We must know the difference between what the gospel requires and what the gospel produces.
the gospel calls simply for our repentance and our trust in Christ.
While repentance and faith are what the gospel requires, what the gospel produces is obedience to all the Lord’s commands.
if we work toward getting our unbelieving children to do that which only the gospel can produce in the life of a believer, and fail to point them to the undeniable truth that there’s nothing in and of themselves whereby they may obey in a manner that will satisfy God’s righteousness, then we’re essentially telling them they can please God on their own—something the Bible says is impossible (Rom. 8:8).
Finally, it’s important to note that the gospel is eschatological—it is our hope not merely in this age, but also in the age to come.
Second, the eschatological nature of the gospel means we do not hold our wives and children to unreasonable standards.
A Catechism for Boys and Girls, which we use in our church to teach young children.
Family worship isn’t a full-on church service every day; instead it’s a brief time of devotion before the Lord. The elements are singing, Scripture reading, and prayer. That’s it! You sing together, pray together, and read the Scriptures together. Giving fifteen to twenty minutes a day to these simple practices will transform your family.
INCOMPLETE MORAL BEING—OR VIPER IN A DIAPER?
We would do well to remember these four steps when our children transgress: Call them aside. Take time to deal with the matter. Don’t just fly off the handle or let it slide. Put down what you’re doing and take your child aside. Let your child know that the matter is serious enough to merit your undivided attention. Tell them what precept they’ve broken. Open your Bible and show your child why the Bible says what he did was wrong. Let him know that this isn’t just a matter of preference, but one of absolute importance based on God’s Word. If you can’t find a precept in the Bible, ask yourself
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Call them to repent. Don’t shy away from that word repent, or from what it represents. Our children must be called to acknowledge and forsake their sin. We must call them to repentance. Hear our Savior’s words: “No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3). And again, “Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you” (Acts 8:22).
Charge your children with Scripture. While ol’ folk wisdom is good (e.g., “a penny saved is a penny earned”), it’s the Word of God that is “living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Heb. 4:12). Do not settle for man’s fallible sayings when you have God’s infallible Word.
Charge your children before they fall. As noted earlier, it’s important to rebuke our children when they sin. However, we must lay charge on them beforehand. We must press while the wax is hot and pliable. We must not leave our children with the impression that the Bible is only a tool for correction.
Charge your children repeatedly. If you have to tell them over and over again to brush their teeth, how much more will you have to remind them of these important precepts?
Your example may do much toward the salvation of your children; your works will more work upon your children than your words; your patterns will do more than your precepts, your copies more than your counsels.12
Wrestle with the Lord. Accept no denial. Earnestly protest, “Lord, I will not let Thee go unless Thou bless this poor child of mine and make him Thine own!” Do this until, if it may be, your heart is raised by a touch of heaven to a belief that God has blessed this child, who shall be blessed and saved forever.16
Level 1: Encourage proper behavior (e.g., Prov. 3:13–15; 4:7–8). Level 2: Inform of improper behavior (Prov. 1:10–15; 3:31–32). Level 3: Explain the negative consequences of sin (Prov. 1:18–19; 5:3–6). Level 4: Gently exhort (Prov. 4:1–2; 14, 16). Level 5: Gently rebuke or reprove (Prov. 3:12; 24:24–25). Level 6: Apply corporal punishment that doesn’t cause physical harm (Prov. 19:18; 13:24; 23:13–14; 29:15).
But what exactly is reproof? In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word (yåkach), which we translate as rebuke, can mean “dispute, reason together, prove; argue, judge, rule, reprove, rebuke; dispute (legally).”6 Essentially, to reprove or rebuke means “to correct, to convince or convict” and “would not only imply exposure of one’s sin but also to call a person to repentance.”7 In other words, we stop our children in their tracks, point out their sin and its consequences, and call them to repent.
Loving reproof is private whenever possible.
Loving reproof seeks the child’s best, not the parent’s convenience.
Church membership is the most important aspect of lifestyle evaluation. Let that statement sink in for a minute. I’m arguing that the most important thing for a family shepherd to do—when he’s evaluating how he’s leading his family—is to ensure they’re healthy members of a healthy church.
There’s nothing we can do for our families that will have a greater positive impact than making sure we’re healthy members of a healthy local church.
I’ve seen evidence of this firsthand as I’ve had conversation after conversation with fathers and mothers who are committed to family discipleship, but who are struggling tremendously as they either attend an unhealthy church or no church at all.
