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December 27, 2024 - January 12, 2025
It probably won’t surprise many people that I am starting my book with a swear word but all I can say is, thank fok that season is over! It’s been a nightmare from start to finish. I don’t drink very much but this year I’ve been tempted to take it up professionally. Whisky on a foking drip. That’s what I needed sometimes!
My main job during the whole of that season was to tell the team as many times as I needed to exactly why we were doing what we were doing and remind them that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Or should I say, the wind tunnel. You see, I’m also a foking comedian!
If I had a dollar from every person who has asked for my opinion on what happened between Lewis and Max in Abu Dhabi over the past six days, I’d be able to poach Adrian Newey!
‘I was too busy concentrating on a Russian who didn’t finish the race and a German who was in fourteenth position.’
How the world managed without me before I was born I have no foking idea.
Me, a control freak? Of course I am! I’m the best there is.
I’m a world-champion talker, remember, plain and simple. So let me foking talk!
‘I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, Stuart, let alone what I said on a TV show I’ve never seen before. Anyway, why am I not getting any money for these T-shirts?’
I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I’m actually OK with who I am. If you don’t like it, tough shit.
Apart from getting the job done, there is nothing good coming out of having to do something a second time. The only things you’re left with are less money and less time.
Because if people weren’t moaning nothing would be happening and I’d have nothing to do. It’s that foking simple.
People often ask me what I like to do in my spare time and when I tell them I like to jump on planes and go and watch car races they can’t believe it. ‘You go to a car race? What kind of drugs are you taking?’
The two things that every adult has in common is an opinion and an arsehole and when the two meet, bullshit suddenly appears.
Some people have butterflies in their stomach when they arrive for the first Grand Prix of the season. I have foking eagles!
And what can tradition do if you’re not careful? It can stop you from moving forward.
How old I feel depends on how my team are doing, so until Bahrain I had been dead for three foking years!
Look at Alonso. He is older than God, yet every week he gives 100 per cent and is always motivated. Even if a situation is shit he will squeeze something good out of it and will always push his team to improve. He’s a talisman. A sometimes grumpy one, but a talisman all the same. And he doesn’t have to do this, you know. He must have at least a thousand euros stashed away in the bank and he could just go and live on an island somewhere. That isn’t what he wants, though. He obviously feels he isn’t done yet and, by the look of his performances this year, he’s foking right! For me, he is the
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THATS MY DRIVERRRR
Nobody deserves a seat in F1, just as nobody is entitled to a seat in F1. If you’re good enough and you fight for it, you might be lucky enough to get one, but you do not deserve that seat. If you get it, you have simply earned that seat.
