Surviving to Drive: A Year Inside Formula 1

by Guenther Steiner

Some people still believe that Drive to Survive is staged – or that some of it is staged – and let me assure you it isn’t. You can’t rehearse the shit I come out with. It’s impossible! I know it’s an overused saying, but what you see is what you get on there. At least with me. Some people seem to like it, which is great (they’ll probably need therapy one day), and some people don’t, which is fine.

The question I get asked the most by the people who watch Drive to Survive is do I swear as much in real life. Believe it or not, I do have a filter, so if I’m in a room with some children or something, I’ll try and calm it down. You know, just a couple of shits here and there. Nothing serious.

If your car is ready a month or even a week before the first test you are doing something wrong. Every minute counts.

Name: Guenther Steiner Date of birth: A foking long time ago Skills: Bullshit, bad news, intense persuasion

At one point I thought it was going to end in disaster when Kevin spun off the track, but he was able to keep the car going and qualified behind Verstappen, Leclerc and Norris. There was some serious noise coming from our garage after that, let me tell you. Not to mention the crowd. By the way, did you know that Leclerc is a former Haas boy? It’s true. He was a development driver for us in 2016 when he was driving in Formula 2 and made a couple of appearances for us in FP1. I like Charles. He’s a good guy.

Actually, that’s not a bad idea. If we are ever having a boring race we could organize a white-collar boxing match between two team principals. Could you imagine that? Poor old Fred, though. He couldn’t knock the skin off a foking potato. He’s actually a couple of years younger than me but looks like he could be my grandfather.

OK, this part will really send you to foking sleep. Don’t worry, I am almost finished.

Before that, I will tell you first what I like about the Monaco Grand Prix. OK, I’m glad we’ve got that out of the way. Let’s get on to the sponsorship.

According to the media, I’ve been talking to Daniel Ricciardo. What, about who’s got the biggest foking nose?

Look at Alonso. He is older than God, yet every week he gives 100 per cent and is always motivated.

Let me dispel a little myth for you. People think that life on the pit wall is all data, strategy and concentration. That’s not concentration. It’s boredom! Ayao and Pete Crolla have the attention spans of a foking three-year-old, so after a few laps they’ll start talking about what they’re having for dinner or which bar they are going to. It’s the same all over the pit lane. Fred talks about France all the foking time and Toto talks about how much money he’s made since he sat down. And don’t be taken in by all the stern and concerned faces. If somebody on a pit wall looks like that it’s because they need the toilet and are trying to hold it in.

Anyway, it took me almost half an hour to get through the entrance into the paddock earlier. Thank God I’m quite tall because if I was a shortarse like most of the drivers I’d have been trampled to foking death. How the hell does Yuki Tsunoda cope?

when I arrived at the entrance, some people surrounded the car and started chanting my name. At first I thought they might be an angry mob but then I reminded myself that I don’t work for Red Bull any more. Only joking!

If a driver has a good result they’ll use ‘I’ and ‘me’ in the interviews afterwards. And, if they have a shit result, they will use ‘us’ and ‘we’. I’m not sure if that is taught or if it’s natural, but it’s clever. ‘Who is this foking “we”?’ I remember a team principal saying to me one day. ‘Is there somebody else in the foking car?’