The Boy Who Loved Wicked

by C.P. Harris

“‘Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.’”

“‘Courage...is knowing...what not to fear.’” “Plato,”

no matter how many people you had around you, death was faced alone.

He would’ve loved you, Caleb. And to wish he were still here would be to wish you had never been. The conflict of my desires will leave me forever broken.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ~Plato

“I might’ve gotten upset one day after he died and destroyed it.” He tilted his head. “You wanted to be the only thing he loved left behind?”

Halfway outside, I peered behind me to see him gazing out of his patio sliding doors with a look of longing. It was in that moment that I fell from grace.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Socrates

I’d later wonder if falling in love with Sebastian was something I could, or couldn’t help. It was hard knowing the difference when loving him felt inevitable. Written in the stars.

“I’m not an easy man to love, Phoenix.” “I don’t want easy,”

“With you I’ve found someone to share in what makes me, me.”

This was the cost of being a predictable introvert. Every non-predictable move became suspect.

“Life contains but two tragedies. One is to not get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.” ~Socrates

“I want all of you.” He opened his arms. “You have all of me. My heart is yours. Forever.”

I drifted off wondering why everything that killed us made us feel most alive.

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” ~Plato

“I want to make love to you. I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, Phoenix.”

What we wanted was often not what we received.

“You deserve better than me. You always have, but I wanted you anyway. You challenged me with your wisdom, stimulated me with your innocence, and your beauty stole my heart. I’ve never loved anyone more than I’ve loved you.

We’re soulmates. Aren’t we supposed to fight for the ones our very essence is assigned to?”

“Sometimes, you’ve gotta let people live out their own choices even when you know it’s wrong. Sometimes, they need to see for themselves that it won’t work. They need to be able to say they tried.”

We were battered and bloodied. There were more bruises than orgasms and every second felt borrowed. Stolen. We were criminals. We were toxic. We were fearless for the last time. We were beautiful for the last time too.

Trying new things didn’t always mean that who you were before was wrong, or not the real you. It meant you could say with absolute certainty who you weren’t, because you’d tried.

It wasn’t my job to work out why people liked me, and it wasn’t anyone else’s job to convince me I was worthy. My only responsibility was to be true to myself and to love like tomorrow wasn’t promised.

“Forever and as long as it takes.” “Our time will come,” he whispered back.

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” ~Aristotle

“I’ve missed you, Phoenix. Terribly so.” “Then show me.” “I plan to spend the rest of my life doing exactly that.”

“Our trials are what strengthen us. And we are unbreakable now, my love.”

Falling in love with Sebastian was both immediate and gradual.

Love wasn’t a single act, but a daily practice of the most mundane. The accumulation of the little things. It wasn’t about specific events, or the intensity. It came down to consistency, to working hard and exercising the heart daily even when we looked in the mirror and didn’t see the benefits, because love took time and patience. And things are most rewarding when we sweat to get them.

Nothing about our life would ever be too small to be grateful for, and no problem ever too big to not be forgiven. I would love our life always.