Powerless (The Powerless Trilogy, #1)

by Lauren Roberts

Is this okay? I swallow hard. My throat has gone dry. My answer is agonizingly slow as I slide closer to him. It’s more than okay.

His hand settles on the far side of my waist where my tank is slowly beginning to slide up. He’s wasted no time pulling me against him, allowing me to feel the rise and fall of his chest, feel the steady beat of his heart pounding against my back. “Tell me, does this annoy you?”

“Don’t you know that alliances ruin all the fun?” Paedyn sighs. “I would say I’m happy to see you’re still alive, but apparently I’m a horrible liar, so why try.”

There’s only one Elite left. And then I see him. He’s the farthest from us, standing with his arms crossed over his chest, observing the chaos that is unfolding before him with a smug smirk. Ace’s eyes lock with mine. His grin grows. Found my target.

I’m playing with him. I could easily finish this fight quickly, but I won’t deny that I’m a monster who wants to have a little fun with him first.

>:))))

“You know what I’m going to do after I kill you?” one of them asks as another whispers loudly, “I’m going to do the same to Paedyn.” Then another Ace chimes in, “Such a shame, too. I’m going to miss looking at her.” I’m going to kill him. Now. No more games. No more toying. I’m ending this.

I drop to my knees. For the first time in years, I feel true, terrible terror. The illusion blows away in the soft breeze, sending tendrils of smoke into the morning sky. Leaving behind a bloody boy. My bloody brother. Jax.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

I watch Kai rush over to me as I crumple to the ground. Watch something like worry cross his face as he tries to keep me awake. Tries to keep me alive. I glance at him again, but he’s focused on the screen, not bothering to return my gaze. I hadn’t realized he could look at me like that. Look at me like he cared.

But there’s something about this prince that makes me reckless, makes me want to tell him exactly what is wrong with everything he thinks he believes.

“Well? Will you listen to me?” His hands are suddenly cupping my face and guiding it toward him as I fight the urge to flinch. “If I listen to you, will you look at me?” My breath catches in my throat. “Look at me, Paedyn. Please.”

When I finally open them again, I see so much compassion and concern filling his green gaze. And for the first time, I allow myself to study those eyes. Because they have never looked less like the king’s. The warmth in them washes over me, overwhelms me.

His frown flips into a wide grin. “We made a deal, remember? You keep looking at me, and I’ll keep listening to you.”

“So demanding,” Lenny sighs, gesturing for me to follow him. “On second thought, you might be better suited as a royal than an Imperial, aye, Princess?”

“Is that why the king killed him? Because he learned of his role in the Resistance?” A look of confusion crosses Calum’s face as he continues to stare at me. The intensity in his gaze is almost unsettling before he looks away and nods slowly. “That is what I assume, yes.”

“Long story short, Prince Kai killed someone very close to Micah, consuming the Silencer with rage and a need for revenge. When he saw the prince in that alley, worn out and preoccupied, he took the opportunity to try and take him down.” She pins me with a stare. “But you took him down instead.”

“Sadly, sometimes it takes martyrs to show people that there is something worth fighting for.”

She knows that barely feeling her at all will drive me mad in a way I can’t explain, in a way I’ve never felt before. “You’re a cruel little thing, you know that?” My voice is deep, desperate.

“I love when you threaten to kill me, do you know that?” “Oh? And why is that?” The corner of his mouth twitches up. “Because every time you don’t, it only proves that you don’t want to.”

Kai tilts my head up to meet his gaze, fingers dancing along my jaw. He’s looking at me like one would a painting—drinking in every detail, delighting in its originality, deeming it a work of art. He tilts my head to the side, turning my cheek toward the light. I should push him away. His thumb strokes my jaw. I don’t want to push him away.

“Oh, darling, my eyes were on the dance floor,” he says casually. “They were on you dancing with my brother.” Then he huffs out a laugh, craning his neck to shake his head at the canopy of leaves above us. “Why do you think I’ve been drinking?”

“Shh.” His fingers have found their way back under my chin, my jaw, cupping my face. Gray eyes drop to my mouth, gaze heavy. And then he’s dragging his thumb along the length of my bottom lip. Wine. I can taste it still coating the thumb he’s swiping across my mouth. I’m stunned, stone-still as his eyes track where his finger traces, ever so slowly, back and forth.

“Your smile.” I cut him off before his offer can tempt me. “I like when you truly smile. When you’re not wearing the mask of the future Enforcer or the prince, and you simply allow me to see you. It’s a smile I wish you would share with me more often.”

At the sight of that smile, it’s easy to forget who he is and what he does. At the sight of that smile, I see a boy instead of the king’s deadly pawn. At the sight of that smile, I see someone who is more than a friend instead of someone who would kill me if they knew what I am.

“Even with my stupid dimples, you still like my smile?” Kai’s words are soft, slightly breathless, and my answer is equally so. “Even with your stupid dimples, Azer.” His lips twitch into a variation of that smile I shouldn’t be seeking out, though it’s softer than the ones I’ve seen before.

“Do share her with the other gentlemen, won’t you?” “She’s mine for the night, Mother.” Kai’s eyes are back on me. “A small price to pay for ruining my clothes.”

I hate that he makes me feel like I’m always trying to catch my breath. And what I hate even more is that he knows it.

“I was thinking,” Kai shoves his hands in his pockets, the perfect picture of nonchalance, “that you couldn’t breathe. And as much as I like that dress on you, I figured you would look just as good in it with the laces undone.” He dips his head and smiles to himself, apparently humored by this. “So you could breathe, of course.” He winks. He winks. I’m fuming.

“I must admit that I’m far better at undoing laces than tying them,” he says distractedly. I huff. “Of course you are.” His quiet laugh stirs my hair, and I still.

“I could get used to you being a gentleman, Azer.” He’s quiet for so long that I think he might not respond. But when he does, I hear the smile in his voice. “And I could get used to being one for you, Gray.”

“Paedyn.” I sigh again. “Paedyn happened to me.” Kitt chuckles, but the sound is strained. “She certainly is… something.” “You have such a way with words, Kitty.” He shakes his head and runs a hand over his face. “I don’t even have words to describe her but, Plagues, does she never fail to have words for me.” My shoulders stiffen, but I force myself to sound relaxed. “Does she?” He huffs out a laugh. “Yeah. She’s the only person who doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, isn’t afraid to speak her mind. And quite often, might I add.”

Death is no stranger to me. I’ve killed more than I can count, and the blood clinging to my hands and staining my soul can never be scrubbed clean. And yet, she looked at me as if I was deserving of Ace, of kindness, of— Her. I only want to be deserving of her.

“I think you will make a great king, Kitt,” I say quietly, cutting through his words. “And I will proudly serve you. But you need to learn to think on your own because one day, Father won’t be there to do it for you. So, I suggest you start figuring out what you think is for the best.”

“So, you just want someone to keep you company?” “Not someone. You.”

“Talk to me.” I stare at him, my voice suddenly very quiet when I finally ask, “About what?” I watch a faint smile curve his lips. “Anything. Everything. What you’re thinking at this very moment, darling.”

“I should go.” The unsure words hang between us, barely more than a whisper that the wind nearly steals away. “That doesn’t sound like what you want to do at all,” he murmurs.

Kitt slows and leads us into a corner before leaning over me. I’m startled by this sudden turn of events, his sudden proximity, and the sudden scent of spices that washes over me.

fuck why does this feel like I'm cheating

“Do you trust me?” The words taste like ash in my mouth, and yet they slide off my tongue like silk. My chest constricts, and yet I breathe a little deeper. My knees threaten to shake, and yet I stand a little taller. You are betraying one man to save the lives of hundreds. To save the lives of your people. Kitt’s smile is soft. “Yes.” It’s astounding how severely a single word can damn someone.

“Home sweet home,” I whisper, surprised at how strained my voice sounds. And then my face is suddenly in his hands, and his voice has taken on a soft sort of sternness. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to live like this.” He sighs as his eyes search mine. “Thank you. Thank you for showing me this. Loot. My people.” He pauses. “You. Thank you for entrusting me with the details of you.”

He is giving mad pre-QOS Dorian vibes

Paedyn is too strong, too stubborn, too special. She can’t die. I won’t allow it.

He takes a deep, trembling breath before opening his eyes, the steeliness of them as startling as they are stunning. “Don’t hide from me,” I breathe, suddenly unable to catch my breath with the way he is looking at me. “Not anymore.”

I watch as his eyes roam over me, over my body still pressed beneath his, over my hair messily spread across his pillow. Almost as though he is committing me to memory.

“Stay.” I still. Time stalls. Breathing ceases. It’s astounding how severely a single word can affect someone. “Please.” My heart trips over itself at the sound of that word from his lips. “Few have the power to make me plead.”

I turn, slowly, and meet his gaze. His breath catches, his gaze softens. He didn’t think I would stay. He expects everyone to leave him.

And then I’m actually surrounded by him. His chest brushes against my back in question, silently asking if I want him closer or farther. I swallow before leaning back, ever so slightly, in answer. I want you closer. He doesn’t hesitate. His arm is wrapped around my middle and tugging me against him before I have a chance to catch my breath. I’m pressed to his strong body, tucked between the covers and him. I feel secure and safe and more soothed in his arms than I have in years. I feel. Something about this, about us, seems different. Intentional. We both wanted this.

Ugh stop it rn PLEASE makeout

My eyes fall closed, the steady beat of his heart a lullaby. I feel fingers combing through my hair, weaving loose strands together as I whisper, “What are you doing?” He ducks his head close to mine, and I feel his lips brush against my hair when he murmurs, “Practicing.”

She is breathing deeply, sleeping soundly. She is a mess of tangled limbs and scattered hair. A messy masterpiece.

“And are you unable to help being a shameless flirt as well?” “Clearly not when I’m with you.” “Oh? And what else are you when you’re around me, hmm?” She has me swallowing, has me nervous. “I’m a fool.” The smile she gives me is equally amused and alluring. “Only when you’re around me?” “Only for you.”

Hundreds of eyes track her every move, and I’m suddenly jealous that everyone else gets to witness her presence with me.

I will her to meet my eyes, and when they do— Sparks. Electricity. Everything beautiful, everything bold, everything breathtaking—that is what I feel in her gaze.

Then I’m turning into another body, encompassed by arms belonging to a grinning Kitt. “There you are. I knew I’d get you back.” I crack a small smile. “Took you long enough.” I hear him laugh before I’m pulled flush against a new partner. “You’re avoiding me.” My heart flutters at that voice, the butterflies in my stomach doing the same as the slight scent of pine washes over me. I blink at the broad chest, very aware of the strong frame hiding beneath the crisp, white shirt.