Several People Are Typing

by Calvin Kasulke

what is a workplace but a cult where everyone gets paid, really?

You guys fucked on your boss’s STANDING desk????

slackbot The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, I’m just a bot, though!

lydia Did they ever find the baby?? Louis C More importantly, they found her child safe and sound. She was in the Asiatic black bear enclosure. Fortunately, it’s hibernation season.

Plsssssssssss

It found me! Even down here, cradled deep beneath the earth, it found me! The howling found me! Bummer!!

gerald have you been washing me? pradeep when you get dusty

it’s pretty existentially terrifying but you know how sometimes being alive feels like this terrible cycle of eating and shitting and eating again and shitting again until you die? this is kind of a nice break from that

because at a certain point this is just kidnapping, kinda

pradeep yeah the movers were surprisingly cool with moving the futon with you on it gerald what did you tell them pradeep they didn’t ask

you understand this is a rapid response situation, right? three more pomeranians

NOOOOOOO

Lydia is the third profile. And. “Lydia” is not an actual person.

Nooooo they turned Lydia into a consumer profile!!!!

*Always* talking about “the howling”?? Yikes.

we’re not made to absorb this much human information at once, man. all the pathos and bathos and other thos-es I’d say it’s exhausting except I can’t feel tired and anyway it’s beyond that it’s overwhelming for a species that was basically content with an oral tradition of a handful of long-ass stories about the same six shitty gods for millennia

slackbot took over my body

gerald Chewing is great! I love to Taste!

Maybe @tripp and @Beverley can help by answering simple questions about why this keeps happening to desks!!!

😭😭😭

because we fucked

PRADEEP. NO

I checked with our ops team—technically there isn’t a limit on how much anarchy is loosed upon the world.