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Survival tip #12 Laugh lines can be deceptive. Sure, maybe this person is good humored and trustworthy. But maybe they laugh while they dismember corpses. Exercise caution.
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Survival tip #2 Don’t wait for the next bad thing to happen. Move on before it does.
You can never experience as much in your lifetime, or see through so many eyes, as you will by reading what others have to say. Books will glue our world back together, if anything can.”
My lips part, and there’s a small lump in my throat. He’s trapped me inside of him, unraveling me in moments. I don’t know how he managed to figure me out so fast, but I’m sure he did. I’m sure he just drank down all my secrets. All my fears. I’m almost afraid of the implication in his words.
“Whatever I agreed, you do not have the right to manhandle me like that unless I give you permission!”
Survival tip #238 You won’t actually pass out from embarrassment. It’s not a good defense mechanism.
“Don’t test me, Lucien.” Jasper isn’t warm and bookish now. “I do not find derogatory remarks amusing.” Lucky glances up from his game at Jasper and color floods his cheeks when he takes in his expression.
“Say yes, pet.” Pet? I feel like I should have a problem with that word. Beau rests his forehead against mine, and his closeness is decadent. Inebriating. Maybe later I’ll have a problem with it.
Stop, stop, stop, one voice chants. They’re all watching! Another voice—a better voice, I decide—gasps a husky, I know. Hot, right?
Survival tip #124 Everyone has a past. Make sure theirs won’t come back to bite you.
“You’re behaving like a slut,” I admonish myself. Yeah, well, apparently being slutty is really fun, my heavy-lidded reflection purrs. Let’s be slutty again. Right now.
Oh, God. Time to turn your eyes away, Jesus.
💀💀💀
He presses his forehead to mine. “Filthy bitch.” I hate that he sounds approving. I hate that I care. I hate that him using me this way, talking to me this way, makes me hot and liquid and dangerously desperate.
“The others might be sucked into the big save-me eyes, ladies-first bullshit. But I’m the real feminist, princess. Equal opportunities.”
He’s such a mean asshole, I love him 😭
Now, normally I would say that letting your psychologist whip you until you come somewhat stretches the bounds of friendship—but lying to myself isn’t my kink.
Jasper is torturously perfect. Perfectly painful. And if he’d wanted to work me over every night since our very own D-day to satisfy his frustrated sadistic needs, I’d have buckled the handcuffs myself.
The image is chased away by another, of her kneeling next to me, our trembles and tears mixing as we wait to serve a different master.
Hearing my name on his lips tangles my tongue, seeing him eating the food I’ve prepared makes me weak. I’m pretty sure I’m broken. And I know why. Seeing them together the other day wrecked me. I’m still not sure how it can be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen and yet still make me want to yank my heart out through my mouth just to make it stop hurting. I’ve gotten myself off six times since, just picturing him pleasuring her, remembering the short, gaspy pants she made and the look on her face when she came—and it only made me cry once. Okay, twice. Fuck. I’m a mess. And he’s going to see it.
He likes it when I disobey Dom for him. I know he does. I just wish Dom didn’t hand me my ass every time I did it.
“So do you.” My words are just as soft as his, but they’re glass in my throat. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. He looked at her like he was captivated. Owned. Alive. But not at me. Not like that. I’m not usually a jealous person, but I’m jealous of him. I’m jealous of her too. I’m jealous that it’s so uncomplicated for them to be together but for some reason it’s the hardest thing in the world for us.
Everything inside me is shredding to pieces. I’ve been shot and it hurt less than this conversation. Hot tears prick the back of my eyes, and I rub the back of my neck, hoping it might somehow knock the hot lump out of my throat as well. “So I should blow my chance with Eden and just . . . wait until you decide whether I’m worth it?”
Jasper steps forward again. I retreat but find myself up against a cabinet. Did I think this kitchen was big? It’s a matchbox, and he’s the lit match, sucking down all my oxygen.
“I think we are, actually,” I tell him as I crack in a thousand places. “We are done, Jasper.”
And suddenly Lucky has become my whole world no big deal!!!!!
I don’t have the words to describe this to her properly. How can I explain the need to venerate his cruelty? The craving for the sweet-sharp lashes of his cane? For the unbearably soft kindnesses between? How good it feels to free-fall into darkness with someone, knowing they’ll save you and punish you for the favor all at once?
“So you’re . . . bisexual?” Aw hell. It’s way too early to be having this conversation. “Well, yeah. But not like that. Not with Jasper, anyway. I mean, he doesn’t— We don’t—” I stop, then start laughing at myself. This is ridiculous.
I mean, I know he gets worked up—it’s impossible to miss his arousal during our scenes—but I always put that down to his kink rather than me. More of a “whipping subbies until their sobs soothe my cranky temper” boner than a “Lucky is my one true love and I’d give anything to brand his soul with mine” hard-on. Heart-on? I wish I gave him a heart-on.
I mean, Jayk too, I guess, but he’s got more of that caveman clobber-you-over-the-head style.” “Don’t speak about him like that,” she says absently. My brows fly up, though she isn’t looking. Right. Okay. Go Jayk, I guess.
The more we talk, the more I think maybe we can try this without kink. Maybe we can be together, just the two of us, without thoughts of Jasper and pain and tears. Maybe she and I can be enough for each other, and she’ll drown out the way I ache for him. Maybe we both just need a bit of fun.
Lucky examines Jayk with a sudden half-grin. “Was that a Tolkien reference?” Jayk scowls. “I had a childhood too, you know.” “Did you identify with the Uruk-hai?” Lucky asks seriously.
I realize I’m towering over Lucky. Wide eyed, he stares at me. “For the record, I braid my own hair. Beau’s the only one with any skill at all, and he pretty much always refuses to help me.”
trees and dappled light all around, she looks more than pretty. She’s . . . she’s one of those stupid words Jasper would use. A word like extraordinary. Sublime. Breathtaking.
Two dicks. What do I even do with two? However it works, I’m ready to try.
“Don’t go getting shy on us now,” Beau says in my ear. He takes my hand in his and wraps it around Dom’s thick dick. My breath hitches. “Nice and firm, darlin’, just watch your nails.”
Beau moves my hand down, urging me to fondle his balls, to rub the sensitive patch of skin below his sac until Dom’s indifference begins to falter.
Beau runs his thumb along the sensitive column of my throat and whispers, “Bit of respect might do you some good here, darlin’.” I blink, dazed. “One, sir! Sir. Thank you, sir.” “Spoilsport,” Dom mutters. His fingers track so lightly against my hot, stinging skin that goosebumps race down my spine. “The ‘thank you’ is nice, though.”
Beau kisses my shoulder lazily. “Our pet looks good on you,” he says to Dom. At the endearment, I melt, but a small amount of tension steals into Dom’s embrace. “Hmm,” is all he says.
I was yours the minute you told us to run and save ourselves.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Take good care of me, sweetheart.”
His cheeks are flushed the exact shade of pink that always makes me want to bite them, and he’s carrying a tray of food, looking like the star of one of my favorite maid and master fantasies. I wonder if he knows how irresistible he is like this, servicing me so sweetly.
How much longer can I resist delivering him the pain and control and love he craves, when I so badly crave the deliverance also?
the man in me wants to claim him now. I want to claim them both, to demand their affection and tangle the three of us into such a knot that none of us could ever be unsnarled. I want to undo my hard work, unswear my vows, and abandon my resolution to leave them unbroken.
“Was it me jerking off that gorgeous cock of yours that made you think I wasn’t interested in men? Or me oiling you up and having you parade around as my most exquisite furniture?” That was a particularly weak day for me. “Or was it the way I bent you over to see how you would take that hook up that pretty ass of yours?” I shake my head, disbelieving. “No. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Lucien.”
Every time, despite the soul-souring shame, I have to admit in the most shadowy recesses of my heart, that he is perfect. This gorgeous, likable man whose masochism rides him as deeply as my sadism does me. Whose mischievous spirit is so enduring and bright, he’s impossible not to love.
Lucien growls, and I’m a touch intrigued by this wild, angry side to him. I want to wrap a chain around his neck and force an O-ring in his mouth and hear him growl just like that around my dick. But that would be counterproductive to this conversation.
Survival tip #336 Don’t ever underestimate the bravery of a woman who looks at you with stars in her eyes.
I abruptly remember we have company and lift my eyes to Beau and Jayk, who are both staring at us in shock. Jasper and I have never been that overt in front of anyone before. And barely in private either. I can’t keep my lips from splitting into a wide grin. Beau’s lips twitch in response, and Jayk just scowls.
I’m going to get hard despite how shitty I feel if he keeps defending me like this.
