Listen for the Lie

by Amy Tintera

People don’t believe women who fight back. When a man lashes out, people say he’s lost control of his temper or made a terrible mistake. When a woman does it, she’s a psychopath.

I didn’t know why I kept falling back into Matt’s arms, after everything. There was something wrong with me. Something broken that kept drawing me toward him, like a painful bruise I couldn’t stop poking at. It’s just that when it was good with Matt, it was good. I was so deeply fucked-up.

“Turns out people actually did want to buy romance novels from a suspected murderer,” I say as I lower my phone. “Of course they do,” Grandma says. “Like I told you, better to be interesting than likable.”

“Hey.” I point to the big yellow sunflower he’s painting on the window. “That’s pretty.” “Oh. Thanks. Some kids wrote ‘vagina’ over the last one, so the owner asked me to do one that’s less erotic.” I bark out a laugh. “Was your last flower erotic?” A grin spreads across his face. “Well, I didn’t think so, but apparently some kids saw something I didn’t.”

“And then I find you with your boobs out, getting ready to—” “One boob! One boob was out!” “Getting ready to have sex against a wall next to a dumpster. You are acting like me, and that is extremely concerning.” “I am not. You would have had both boobs out.” “Harsh, but true.”

I don’t think it’s too much to ask, that everyone not think the absolute worst of me all the time. But I’m not all that concerned about it anymore. I am not responsible for the fake version of me you created in your head.

What do you think Savannah would say, if she were here? Lucy: I think she’d be happy I was okay. She died trying to protect me. She saved me. We were a team, me and Savvy, right up until the end.