Listen for the Lie

by Amy Tintera

Ben: Going on? Maya: Like … something abusive? I don’t know. Maybe I got it wrong.

Out of curiosity, do you want me to cut it because it’s not true, or because it is? I stare at the question for a long time before typing a response. The truth doesn’t matter.

Savvy appears next to me, both feet up on the dash, blue toenail polish chipped. She flashes me a grin. “Want to know a secret?” I nod. “I killed a dude and I’m not sorry. He fucking deserved it.”

“I think we’d be in way over our heads. Seeing as how neither of us has actually ever murdered someone before.” “Speak for yourself.”

“Yes, seriously,” she said, her tone now with a hard edge to it. “I killed a dude and I’m not sorry. He fucking deserved it.”

“Who was he? What did he do to you?” “Troy. An asshole I met in a bar who thought he could put his hands on me. He was wrong.” She flashed me a dark grin.

Everyone’s decided I’m innocent? That’s news to me.

“I know about Troy.” She slides into her car seat, gathering her skirt up so it won’t get caught in the door. “I don’t know who that is.” I grab the door before she can shut it. “The man Savvy killed.” Her head snaps to me, her face draining of color. She stares at me for a minute. “Get in the car.”

Julia sniffles, drawing my attention back to her. She grabs my hands. Hers are very cold, which is weird in this weather. “Don’t go in there,” she says. “He’s in a bad mood.”

“Let me help you,” she continues. I cock my head, confused. “Help me?” “You know that podcaster, right? I want to talk to him.”

“I want to talk about what Matt is actually like. What our marriage is like. Because all the things that the women in our neighborhood said about him…” She reaches for her coffee and takes a slow sip. “I can’t let them do that. I thought I could let it go, but if I don’t say something, I’m never going to be able to live with myself.”

Ben: Just in case something happened to you? Right? I just want to make sure I have this straight—you felt the need to let someone know you were going to see Matt, because you were worried that something might happen to you while you were there?

And he was like, “No, that night. I should have protected her better.” I was like, “What do you mean? You weren’t there, right? Do you mean you should have left the wedding with her?”

I think he was there, with Lucy, when Savvy died.

Christ, I’m so popular suddenly. People find out that your first husband has been slapping around his second wife and everyone makes assumptions.

My options are shitty, but I know what I’m going to do. No one expects the truth from me anyway.

People don’t believe women who fight back. When a man lashes out, people say he’s lost control of his temper or made a terrible mistake. When a woman does it, she’s a psychopath.

“It was Nina. Nina Garcia.”

The person who Matt was fighting with in our driveway after the wedding, I add.

There’s a long pause. “Please tell me you did not.” “Just give me—” “I know that purse, you stupid motherfucker.”

“The podcast?” He sighs. “I hate that fucking podcast.”

“She’s still sleeping with Matt.” I stop with my glass halfway to my mouth. “What?” “Not all the time, but yeah. There had been some signs that she was cheating on me. I didn’t want to believe it, but then that episode came out and she sort of broke down and admitted it.”

wish I’d left with you that night,” I say quietly. He cocks his head in question. “That night we kissed. I should have just left Matt and gone home with you.”

“You should come to L.A.,” I say. “Just pack your stuff and come. We can…” Hang out? Start over? I don’t know how to finish the sentence. He laces his fingers through mine. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

Keaton Harper is walking—stumbling, really—across the room toward me.

He stares at me in this open, sympathetic way that makes me uncomfortable. I wish he’d go back to looking like he’s about to murder me. “You really don’t remember that night, do you?” he asks quietly.

But you know what I do know? I know both Matt and Nina well, and neither of them said shit to me about being out that night. They didn’t say shit to anyone. And that doesn’t sit right.”

I haven’t told him about my conversation with Keaton and Emmett. He doesn’t know that Matt and Nina are still sleeping together. I haven’t told Ben a lot of things about Nina.

Nina didn’t like Savvy. So what? I don’t like lots of people. It never seemed relevant.

“What?” Grandma asks. “The internet figured out that I’m Eva Knightley.”

“Was he … I don’t know, disheveled? Dirty?”

“Matt didn’t kill Savvy. I know him. He didn’t kill her.” I cock an eyebrow. “You know him so well that you didn’t realize he was beating the shit out of his wife?”

“First of all, Matt wasn’t covered in Savvy’s blood. And second of all, I defended you on that podcast.” “I know you did. And I thought it was because we used to be friends, but

I think it’s more that you felt guilty for sleeping with Matt. Am I close?” “Go fuck yourself, Lucy.” She

Lucy likely didn’t mean to kill Savvy, and my theory is that the shock of what she’d done caused a mental breakdown that completely erased the memory.

“Lucy.” Ben leans forward, peering at me. “What are you thinking about, when you do that?” I snap. “I’m thinking about killing you,” I say.

Ben: To feel better, like to convince yourself you didn’t kill her? Lucy: Yep. Ben: Because you don’t know for sure? Lucy: I can’t know for sure. I don’t remember that night. I know that I loved Savvy and I can’t imagine ever hurting her, but everyone is so convinced that I did it. It’s hard not to be like, well, what if I did snap? What if I had a psychotic break? Do people know when they have a psychotic break? Ben: I … don’t know.

“Maybe I’ll kill you later tonight.” He smiles.

She blows out a breath. “Okay. Good. That’s all that matters. They can’t charge you unless he uncovers something new.” I open my mouth to ask her why she’s always been so convinced I did

‘Cool, easy access.’” “Nice! Right next to the bar. Best seat in the house.” I freeze. I can see Colin standing in front of me in his rumpled suit, grinning as he points to the bar. Savvy, already holding a glass of wine, stands on her toes and kisses his cheek.

My heart thumps frantically as I follow him across the room. I take a slow breath. There’s no reason to be nervous. I’m walking through an empty wedding venue.

I try to see the guy. I can’t. I can feel his breath against my lips. His hips grinding into mine. But there’s just empty white space when I try to see his face. “Let’s go,” Savvy barked, and turned on her heel.

“What?” he says. “You remember why you were out here?” One thing’s for sure. The guy wasn’t Matt. And whoever it was, he hasn’t bothered telling anyone. “No,” I say. “I don’t remember.” Matt cocks an eyebrow. He knows I’m lying.

“Are you going to tell me?” he asks. I raise an eyebrow like I don’t know what he’s talking about. I do. “What you remembered when we were outside.”

He slides an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I remember always feeling conflicted when Matt and I would have sex.

“What happened to you? Lucy, what happened to you?” The memory slams into me so suddenly that I reel back with a gasp.

“What?” Matt dropped his hands from my face in shock. “You killed someone?” “Deserved it,” I muttered. “We had a plan.” “Jesus Christ.” He took a step back, his horrified expression intensifying.

I throw it open and look back at him. “You’re lying.” He slides both hands into his pockets with a sigh. “Lucy, please just let it go. You don’t want to remember anything else. Trust me.”

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered. “You’re always sorry.” He kissed me. I should have pushed him away. I might have slapped him if we were at home.

She yanked it away, my fingers only barely brushing her skin, and I heard the laughter from the women abruptly stop.