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And hope? That shit is harder to kill than a dragon.
“Hey, I hate to interrupt what’s obviously a moment,” Bodhi whispers loudly from my left. “But that was the last bell, so that’s our cue to get this nightmare started.”
i love bodhi
“Garrick Tavis. Xaden Riorson.” Captain Fitzgibbons’s voice carries over the formation as he reads from the death roll. “Well, this is awkward,” Xaden calls out. And every head in the courtyard turns in our direction.
The general pivots and, for a second, looks down at me like she’s not just my commanding officer, with worry and a touch of horror in her eyes. She looks at me like she’s just…Mom.
oh my god ill cry. dont tempt me.
More like her? That’s the last thing I want to be.
“Touch me and I swear to the gods, I’ll cut your fucking hands off and let the quadrant sort you out in the next round of challenges, Dain Aetos.”
“You should take her at her word. In fact…” Xaden doesn’t bother to lower his voice. “If you don’t, I’ll take personal offense. She made her choice, and it wasn’t you. It will never be you. I know it. She knows it. The whole quadrant knows it.”
“That was…interesting,” Rhiannon whispers at my side, her eyes puffy and red. “That was hot,” Nadine comments from in front of us, standing beside Sawyer. “Love triangles can get so fucking awkward, don’t you think?” Imogen says.
“Soleil Telery. Liam Mairi,” Captain Fitzgibbons calls out. I struggle to force air through my lungs and fight the sting in my eyes as the rest of the names blur together until the scribe finishes the roll, commending their souls to Malek. None of us cry.
liam.
I glance at the others, remembering the first-years who started with us but won’t finish. The first-years who either lie buried at the foot of Basgiath in endless rows of stones or were taken home to be put to rest. The second-years who will never see a third star on their shoulders. The third-years like Soleil who were certain they’d graduate only to fall. Maybe this place is exactly what the gryphon flier had called it—a death factory.
“No chore duty!” Sawyer adds. “I will never scrub another breakfast dish again.” I’ll never push another library cart with Liam.
liam.
“To Liam,” Imogen says, lifting her glass and defying the unwritten rule that we don’t speak of the dead cadets after their name is read from the roll. “To Liam.” I lift mine, and everyone at the table does the same, drinking to him. It’s not enough, but it has to be.
liam.
But the note Xaden left on the stack of books? The one that read I meant what I said on the parapet. Even when I’m not with you, there’s only you. That needed no explanation. He’s fighting.
This is a whole other kind of challenge, to stand by and do nothing while these candidates risk their lives trying to become…us. For many of them, we’ll be the last faces they see. “Good luck.” That’s all I’m allowed to say.
When a candidate slips at the quarter mark and falls, the ravine below swallowing the last of his screams, I stop watching to see if they make it to the other side. My heart can’t take it. Two hours in, I’m asking their names with zero intention of remembering them,
A little piece of me dies watching the cruelty of it, and it’s a struggle to remember that every single candidate is here by their own choice.
“Name?” “Sloane Mairi.” My head whips in her direction, and my heart jumps into my throat. Same blond hair, though it’s currently tangling in the breeze past her shoulders. Same sky-blue eyes. Same rebellion relic winding around her arm. Liam’s little sister. Rhiannon stares. Dain looks like he’s seen a specter. “With an ‘e’ on the end,” Sloane says, moving toward the steps and tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. It’s going to blow right back in her face with the next gust of wind, temporarily blinding her on the parapet, and I can’t let that happen. I promised Liam I’d watch out for
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liam.
“Feel free to hate me,” I say to Sloane, stepping aside and clearing the way to the parapet. “Just do me a favor and put your fucking arms out so you don’t see Liam before I do. Do it for him. Not me.”
liam.
“She made it,” I whisper up to Liam.
“Between Aaric and Sloane, you’re collecting strays,” Rhiannon warns quietly. “We were strays once, too,” I answer. “Good point. Now look at us. Alive and everything.”
“Riders do not balk at fire!” The fuck we don’t. Whoever didn’t balk is dead.
“Yet,” Imogen says, yanking the door to the tunnel open. “We’re not fast enough yet. But we will be. Let’s go.”
She can’t know. She just can’t. I barely survived losing Liam… I can’t fathom anything happening to her.
“Violet?” Dain’s voice shakes as he crouches beside me. “Are you all right?” Secrets die with the people who keep them. No, I’m not all right. His father just tried to have me assassinated.
“Wanting you to ask what you want to know isn’t a game. You and me? Not a game.”
“No, Violet.” He lifts both swords overhead, then slips them into the sheaths on the pack behind him with practiced expertise and a hint of a smirk. “Just you and me.”
Xaden Riorson wrote me a letter.
There’s nothing remotely dangerous in it, no secrets of the revolution or clues on how to help, but it’s not like he can risk those by putting them in writing. No, this is even better. It’s just about him.
Bodhi grins sheepishly. “Your dragon has arrived in time to save us from the awkwardness of this conversation.”
i love bodhi
She says she chose me for my ruthlessness, but I think I just reminded her of my grandfather.
