It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

by Ramani Durvasula

Pay attention to how you feel after you spend time with narcissistic people in your life—emotionally, mentally, physically, even energetically. Do the same after you spend time with healthy people. After time with a healthy person, you may find that you feel energized, inspired, happy, and clearheaded. After time with a narcissistic person, how do you feel? My guess is fatigued, frustrated, disgusted, or angry. Then reflect on how you feel about yourself after an encounter with someone. After a healthy encounter we often feel a little better about ourselves (I often say that we feel about two inches taller after we spend time with a good person). However, after time with unhealthy people, you may feel bad about yourself, self-doubting, depleted, or somehow “less than.” These check-ins can teach you something useful that you can take into new interactions and can help you remain attuned to how you feel. You know what healthy feels like. You just need to slow down and pay attention.