It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

by Ramani Durvasula

Whenever I sit with a client who is in or is about to enter the process of a divorce from a narcissistic person, I warn them that this will get so bleak and abusive that they will doubt their decision. Some folks will share that the abuse got so much worse after a relationship ended that they almost wanted to go back in just to make it stop. This is why radical acceptance is so crucial—to end one of these relationships also means having your eyes open to what is about to happen, so you can prepare and not lose your resolve. Even with a moderately narcissistic person, the post-separation landscape is dismal. Radical acceptance is likely what pushed you to leave the relationship, so in some ways the bad behavior that may persist after the relationship ends should be reassuring, as it is confirmation of your perceptions and experience. But it certainly doesn’t feel that way while it is happening.