Addressing self-blame requires self-monitoring: being mindful and catching yourself in the words, thoughts, and behaviors that foster self-blame. Start by talking about what is happening in the relationship either in therapy or with trusted friends or family members. Sunlight is the great disinfectant—it can lift the shame and blame and help you escape these harmful cycles. Try to track how often you say, “I’m sorry,” because the frequent apologies may represent self-talk that underlies self-blame.
