It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

by Ramani Durvasula

Typically, narcissistic people get their validation and other narcissistic needs by focusing on themselves (“I’m so rich/attractive/a great person/smart”). But the communal narcissistic folks get those same narcissistic needs met in a collective way, resulting in a grandiose identity based on what they do for others (“I’m so giving, I always put others first”). They participate in activities that seem generous, like raising money, volunteering, organizing fundraising galas, going on humanitarian trips, helping a neighbor, or even just proclaiming positivity on social media, but the behavior is designed to allow them to maintain a grandiose sense of themselves as a saintly person and to receive validation for that.[2] Their “do-gooding” can range from small-ticket actions, such as going to a beach cleanup (and making sure they post to Instagram when they do it), to much bigger ones, like creating large nonprofit foundations (but treating the staff horribly). Regardless of how they do their humanitarian deeds, they make sure the world knows how much good they are doing, drink up the praise and recognition they receive, and get indignant if it doesn’t come.