One solution to the problem of an offline orbitofrontal cortex is for partners to wait until they have calmed down enough to be able to make even the slightest gesture to help one another. Learning to remember to summon the help of the smart vagus and take a few deep breaths can help. Then, for instance, with even a modicum of calm, Franklin could have led with a sign of friendliness by saying something like “Honey, I love you and I understand where you’re coming from. You’re worried I’ll never ask you to marry me. I understand, and I don’t blame you for worrying.” Such an act of friendliness
...more
