Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

by Stan Tatkin

playful and fun. It can also be relaxing. Read to your partner. When was the last time someone read to you or you read to someone? Caution: reading to your partner can put him or her to sleep, so if that’s not your intent, consider choosing something else to do. Tickle your partner’s back, draw pictures on your partner’s back, or play the “guess what word I’m writing on your back” game. Do this in the dark so it’s a bedtime transition. Give your partner an orgasm. It’s good for health and for the relationship. Your partner having an orgasm can give you a contact high. Endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin flow into both partners’ bloodstreams, making you feel connected. Orgasms also are a great muscle relaxant and antianxiety remedy. Suggestions for morning rituals include: Make breakfast (in bed, or not) for your partner. Alternatively, you can go out for breakfast or to a favorite coffee or tea shop. Lie in bed together and gaze into your partner’s eyes. Greet your partner with a loving “Good morning!” Quietly talk with your partner about the day and what each of you will be doing, facing, or accomplishing. Use this time to remind one another of tasks, appointments, or agreements concerning this day only. Make plans for the nighttime. Agree to meet in bed at a certain time. Give each other orgasms. This can work especially well as part of your morning and evening rituals if you and your partner have opposing sexual arousal patterns (“I want sex at night, and he wants it ...