Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

by Stan Tatkin

your partner. This means being there at that less-than-thrilling annual office party. It means going to the movie you consider sappy or boring or a bit too violent. Or to that baseball or football or soccer or basketball or hockey game. Why? Because—at the risk of sounding like that proverbial broken record—you’re doing it for your partner. And your partner does the same for you. And if you still can’t find it in you to enjoy the friend or party or movie or game, concentrate on your partner, and on enjoying your partner’s enjoyment. Realize that you as a couple hold power. In fairy tales, it is always said that if the King and Queen are living happily, then all is well across the land. If they’re at odds, suffering is inevitable in their land. The same principle holds true in your household. If you and your partner are unified and secure with one another, your children, extended family, guests, and even pets will naturally attune to you. How you are with each other will rub off on them. It will be the two of you, and not any thirds, who set the tone when you’re all together. Everyone benefits from a couple who are secure in their bubble.