Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

by Stan Tatkin

Tenth Guiding Principle The tenth principle is that partners can minimize each other’s stress and optimize each other’s health. I find this fitting for the closing of this book because it in effect ties together what we have already discussed. Bottom line, by adhering to the principles presented in the previous chapters—for example, a couple bubble based in true mutuality, well-trained ambassadors that keep your primitives in check, an up-to-date owner’s manual for your relationship—you avoid causing stress to yourself and your partner. In so doing, you actively foster physical and emotional health and well-being for both of you. Here are some supporting principles to guide you: Manage each other’s stress. In recent decades, techniques for stress reduction have become increasingly popular. You may already be familiar with these—time management, eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, exercising, relaxation, to name a few. However, what’s missing in most approaches to stress management is the key role partners can play. I’m suggesting that, as experts on one another who understand something about how your brains function, you can add the dimension of stress reduction to your owner’s manual. Knowing the three or four things that make your partner feel bad gives you an advantage when it comes to detecting stress and even anticipating it. You and your partner can support one another in reducing stress by making sure you engage in healthy activities and achieve balance in y...