Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

“I’m not stupid,” Tadhg replied, voice deathly cold. “And I’m not Joey.” He stepped closer, pressing the tip of the knife that bit closer. “I won’t stop because Shannon says so.” My heart broke. He was eleven years old and this was what they had turned him into. I was praying for him to kill our father, to finish this off. What the hell did that make me?

“This ends now,” Tadhg replied, taking another step forward. “Get off my brother and get out of this house for good, or I’ll slit your throat and you can die.” I wasn’t sure if it was immense relief or bitter regret I felt when I watched my father release Joey and climb to his feet. A mixture of both, I suspected, though it was hard to form coherent thoughts anymore so I couldn’t be sure.

“Think he’ll represent me, too?” Gibsie asked. Shrugging, he added, “When you’re embarking on hell, it’s always good to have a buddy.”

“And you need to not walk back into our lives and think you can call the shots,” Joey retorted, trembling with what I knew was barely restrained anger. “It doesn’t work that way. You don’t get to go, Darren, you don’t get to walk in and out of our lives!”

“Bullshit,” Joey sneered. “Bull-fucking-shit, Darren! She’s not a victim. She’s an enabler. She enabled him to do this.” He pointed to where I was sitting. “She’s as much to blame for Shannon being in here as he is.”

“No.” Joey shook his head. “Maybe she was a victim the first time he put his hands on her. Hell, maybe the first ten. I’ll give her that. She was young and thick. But twenty-four years?” He shook his head. “No, she did this to us, Darren. She had a hand in this.” “Have you ever thought about why there’s so many of us? Why she kept having children with that man? Why she wouldn’t leave?” Darren snapped, glaring at the both of us. “Or why she’s all fucked up in the head like she is? Have you ever thought maybe she stayed because she was terrified he would follow through on his threats? We’ve all heard the ‘I’ll kill you and the children if you leave me’ speech he’s been feeding her—since she was fifteen years old! For Christ’s sake, that man spent two decades breaking her down and telling her that he would kill her if she left!

“I have a partner,” he offered, sounding a little uncertain. “His name is Alex. We’ve been together three years. We share a small apartment on the outskirts of the city center.” “Does he love you?” I asked. Darren nodded. “Yeah, he loves me, Shan.”

“I don’t sing anymore and I don’t dance. My favorite color is green, and I haven’t picked up a basketball since Da stuck a knife through mine for bouncing it against the side of the house. I stopped bringing home animals a long time ago because I realized I didn’t want them to be caged with me—when I realized they were safer in the wild than with me. I’m not going to go to college and become a vet because I’ve failed every single one of my classes for the last three years.”

“Do you trust me?” “No.” Darren flinched. “I deserve that.”

“Did you know that Sean called Joey ‘Da-Da’ until he was two?” I interrupted sharply. My eyes were wide and full of unshed tears, my hands balled into fists and shaking at my sides. “Sean actually thought his brother was his daddy. I suppose it would be an easy mistake to make, you know, considering Joey sat up most nights doing his night feeds and changing his nappies when Mam was working nights or drowning in her depression. So, go ahead and tell Sean how irrelevant Joey is. Or better still, tell Ollie and Tadhg that every time Joey slept outside their bedroom door, for fear our father would go after them, was irrelevant. Tell them about how all the beatings Joey took for them were irrelevant. Tell me how irrelevant the brother who fed us when we were starving, stuck up for us when we had no one, gave us money when we needed it for school—” My voice cracked and I dragged in several deep breaths before I could continue. “Tell me how irrelevant he is, Darren,” I choked out, feeling the burning protest of my lungs from the sudden exertion. “Go right ahead and do it!”

I am sobbing 😭

“And neither of you got what I got,” he snarled, losing his cool with me. “You got a nice little family for six months. You got ice creams and fucking hugs. You didn’t get what I got, Shannon, and be very fucking glad about that!”

“I need you to come and get me,” I said the second Gibsie answered, not giving him a chance to greet me. “Please?” “Say no more” was his automatic response. “I’m already on the way.”

“I should have trusted my gut,” I spat out, interrupting him again. “I knew there was something off about your family. I bleeding knew it. That night you came and picked her up? Everything inside of me was screaming to keep her with me. And instead of listening to the red flags shooting up in my head, instead of opening my goddamn eyes, I pushed it down. Because I kept thinking, no…no, this guy loves his sister. He wouldn’t stand by and let anything happen to her.” I had to bite my knuckles to stop myself from driving my fist through the window of my father’s car. “More fool me!”

“I’m saying that I’ll do what I need to for Ollie, Tadhg, and Sean,” I choked out, drowning in my feelings. “To keep them safe and out of care, I’ll give this plan of Darren’s a chance. And I hope you’re right, Mam. I really hope you are telling the truth this time, but I hope that for the boys’ sakes, not mine. I pray that you can turn this around for them and be the mother they deserve, but it’s too late to turn this around for us.”

“Do you think, in time, you’ll forgive me?” she whispered, looking up at me with lonesome, tear-filled blue eyes. “Do you think you ever could?” “Maybe?” I shrugged again. “But I know that I don’t forgive you today.”

I felt it now, the deep sense of guilt drowning me. The sadness on her face every time I dropped her back at that house. The fear in her eyes when I knocked on her door that first time—the second and third times, too. She was always so skittish, so demure and obliging. She asked permission for just about everything. She wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. She told me that once, said her folks were protective. But she went with me anyway.

“Ollie and Sean do. I don’t know about Tadhg, he’s not saying much, and Joey’s over eighteen so he can legally live wherever he wants.” I sighed in defeat. “If I push back on this, if I tell them that I don’t feel safe with her, they’ll whip us all into care and we’ll be split up.” My brow furrowed and I cringed before admitting, “I tell lies like I breathe air. Even to myself. Half of the time, I don’t even know what’s the truth or a lie. I have to actually think long and hard about it because that’s all I’ve known. I’ve been covering things up for so long that I’m not even sure if I’m thinking clearly. And now I’m doubting myself because I keep thinking what if I’m wrong about her? What if I’m wrong to think badly of her?”

“But I need you to know that you’re not on your own in this. Not anymore.” His voice was steady and strong now. “You have me.” My heart leapt in my chest. “I do?” “Absolutely.” His brow touched mine then, achingly tender, and his blue eyes bore into mine, silently asking for permission. To do what, I had no clue, but I was willing to say yes to whatever he asked of me. “I’m here,” he whispered, stroking my nose with his. “And I’m going nowhere.” Oh god… “Johnny?” My hands moved of their own accord, knotting in the fabric of his hoodie. “If you’re going to let me down—” Dropping my head, I closed my eyes and inhaled several shaky breaths before tipping my chin up and opening my eyes. “Then I need you to do it now, okay? Don’t wait until it’s too late, and please…please don’t make it hurt—”

“Don’t you get it yet?” he spat out, backing away from me. “Haven’t you figured it out by now? We are all alone.” He shook his head and glared at me. “All of us. On our own. By ourselves. And that’s that.” “Tadhg, that’s not true—” “No one fucking cares, Shannon,” he told me, voice flat and void of all emotion. “Not about us. If they did, they would have come by now. And Joey doesn’t care, either,” he cried before storming away.

Gibsie grinned and pressed the phone to his ear. “Only if I get caught. Hey, how’s it going, babe? I need you to be outside in five…yeah, five minutes. Why? Because I’m picking you up, that’s why. Yeah, don’t waste time asking questions. Just put your coat on and meet me at the bottom of your driveway. It’s cold outside so wear the red one.” He grinned, clearly getting a mouthful down the line before saying, “I know you’re at home because I saw you watching me from my bedroom window earlier. Yeah, I know you stalk me, too. Yeah, you hate me. I know. I’ve heard it all before, babe. I love you, too.”

“Hi, Johnny,” she whispered, tumbling off the door step as she clung to me. “You came back.” “Hi, Shannon.” My crutches fell to the ground as I wrapped my arms around her body, holding her in place. “I promised I would,” I replied, keeping my eyes narrowed and locked on her brother.

“You love his sister, and I love his sister’s best friend,” Gibsie replied, scrubbing Joey down with a sponge. “It’s safe to say that pussy got us into this, Kav.”

“She needs you,” I added, ignoring the way my heart slammed wildly in my chest. “And from what I hear, your little brothers need you too, lad.” “Because I’m foundations,” he choked out. “That’s it. That’s all I am to them.” “Foundations?” I frowned. “What does that mean?” “It means I’m the guy who goes around cleaning up everyone else in my family’s shit.” He dropped his head and clasped the back of his neck. “It means I’m the fucking mother.”

Johnny visibly relaxed. “You’ll stay?” I nodded slowly. “If you want me to?” “I want you here,” he told me, never taking his eyes off mine. “I want you to stay with me.” Oh god. My heart. These words. This boy.

“I’m going to buy you dinner, Shannon.” Closing the space between us, he lowered himself down on the couch and turned to face me. “Sometimes we’ll eat here and sometimes we’ll go out, but it’s going to be a regular occurrence, so don’t overthink it, okay?”

“What about Joey?” Johnny asked then, switching things up. I froze for a moment before twisting around to face him. “What did you say?” “I said what about Joey? Who’s helping him?” Johnny asked, brushing his thumb over my cheek. “You said the kids are in counseling and doing play therapy. Your ma’s in her own trauma counseling and doing some fucked parenting course. Darren’s doing whatever Darren does, and your piece-of-shit da is on the run. But what about Joey? Is he seeing someone? If he is, then they need to find the lad a new therapist because he was all kinds of fucked up earlier.” What about Joey. He asked about Joey! Three words that meant more to me than anything else he could have said in that moment.

“I don’t just like you. I fucking—” Shaking his head, Johnny rubbed his jaw before looking back at me. “Shannon, I love you.” I stopped breathing. “You love me?” He nodded slowly, blue eyes locked on mine. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.” “Really?” “Really,” he confirmed. “And I’d ask your permission, but I didn’t even ask mine.”

“Shannon Lynch?” I called out, ignoring the rest of her fucked-up family. “I love you back.” Sniffling, she lifted her chin from Joey’s chest and looked at me all red-eyed and blotchy. “S-still?” “Still.” I nodded in confirmation. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.”

“You’re right.” I blew out a shaky breath. “It’s him.” “Told you,” Joey replied. “He’s not running on you, Shan.” “Are you?” I asked, looking at my brother. “Running on Aoife?” Guilt clouded his eyes, but he didn’t respond. And just like earlier with Tadhg, Joey’s silence spoke volumes.

“No, she’s overbearing,” I shot back. “You’re just plain whipped for going along with her.” “She’s my wife,” he mused. “Your mother can whip me in whatever way she wants—”

“What’s your point here, Gibsie?” Bella demanded, glowering at my best friend. “My point is fuck off, Bella,” Gibsie told her. “Fuck right off, if you want me to get technical. Far, far away to the land of Johnny doesn’t want to be with you so get a life.”

“Because I have a dick and you have a pussy?” he offered knowingly. “Oh, please. I’m a twenty-first-century guy. I support equal rights for everyone, which includes the right for me, a dick owner, to tell a stalkerish female, such as yourself, to fuck off!”

“I can’t give you anything back,” I choked out, telling him the same thing I told him last week, praying he would hear me. “I have nothing to give you in return.” “You can give me a call.” “A call?” He smirked. “And you can text me.” “Be serious,” I begged. “I am.” He stepped closer. “I am so fucking serious about you.”

“Take your time,” Lizzie said, tone serious. “There’s no rush, okay? If you want to be with him, then that’s great. If he makes you happy, then fuck it, I’m all for it, but don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for. He’s older than you and has a hell of a lot more experience with the world, so just take it at your own pace, not Johnny’s, and if he pressures you, even a little bit, then you kick his stupid rugby ass to the curb because—” “Because?” a familiar voice asked from behind me.

“It’s like a Great Dane and a Chihuahua trying to mate, but they somehow make it work.”

“She doesn’t want to go with you!” Claire screamed at the top of her lungs. “She said no!” Stunned, I looked back at my friend, wondering why she had suddenly raised her voice. Darren hadn’t hurt me—not physically, at least. But when I spotted Johnny, Gibsie, Hughie, and Feely all watching us with thunderous expressions on their faces, I quickly realized why. She was calling for reinforcements.

“So to answer all those fucked-up thoughts in your pretty head, I don’t want Bella or anything even remotely like what I had with her,” he continued. “I want what we have together. I want our friendship. I want your company. I want our conversations. I just want time with you. And I’m not in any rush. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t know where this is going, or when I’m kissing you that I’m looking for more than you’re ready to give. I won’t do that to you. I won’t take what you can’t give, and I won’t push, okay?” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Sex isn’t even important. It’s just one fucking part of it, a part that can wait for as long you want.”

“Pack it in,” Joey commanded in an authoritative tone, locking eyes on our little brother. “You want to be pissed with Mam and Dad—with the whole damn world? Then go right ahead. Feel it. It’s real and it’s justified. You should be raging. It’s not fair. But don’t even think about taking it out on her, me, or those two kids upstairs, because we didn’t do shit to you, kid. We didn’t do a damn thing to deserve this life, the same as you, so remember that before you come out here aiming your pain at us.”

“I’m not in your corner, Shannon,” Johnny replied in a gruff tone. “I’m standing right beside you.”

“I don’t have a dog. That was my mother you puked on!” Feely snapped, sounding outraged. “And it was last Christmas, not a million years ago, asshole.”

“Je veux lécher la chatte de ma copine.” I frowned. “What?” Johnny grinned devilishly. “I said, je veux être à l’intérieur de toi.”

“I’m done, Aoife.” Shaking his head, he held his hands up. “I’m done dragging you down with me.”

“There was a fire at the Lynch house.”

“A house burns down that quickly if it’s lit intentionally,” Dad replied gruffly. “The house was doused in flammables, Johnny, and all the windows and doors were locked. They didn’t have a chance of getting out.” He shivered. “Billy called me back just there to let me know that two bodies were pulled out.” Sighing heavily, he added, “Given all the information you told me that I relayed to him, he’s confident that the fire was set mere minutes after you took the children, and the bodies are—”

“Do you know what you did tonight?” he asked, tightening his hold on me. “You saved four children.”

“They would have burned to death inside that house if you hadn’t been the crazy, reckless, brilliant man you are,” he continued. “They wouldn’t have had a chance in hell of getting out of there, son. Sean was doused in alcohol. You saved them all, Johnny. They were in their beds, son. They were terrified of him. There was no way those kids would have left their rooms if you hadn’t gone in there to get them.” Dad shuddered before adding, “And what you said about slipping on the staircase and the landing and hallway when you were inside the house? That was alcohol and petrol, Johnny. One spark of a flame and it was all over for those children—the entire place would have ignited with all of you in there—but you kept your head and you got them out.”

“You did,” Darren corrected, voice hoarse and raspy. “You are the reason they survived as long as they did. Not me or anyone else. Just you.”

“I’m not judging him,” Hughie replied, holding his hands up. “I’m just sorry for him—for all of them. I remember when Shannon first started hanging around with Claire. He was so fucking prickly and protective of her. I could never figure it out. We didn’t go to the same primary school or anything, but we were the same age and I couldn’t understand why he cared so much about his little sister. I couldn’t fucking stand Claire when we were small, but Joey? He kept Shannon with him everywhere he went. Now I know why.”

Dwelling won’t change what happened to her. All it’s going to change is what happens to you—present and future tenses.”

“Well, it all started back in the spring of 1988 when Gerard Gibson entered the world. Ten years later, he was thrown into my life and it all went to shite from there.” I chuckled and then mentally kicked my own ass for cracking jokes. “Sorry.”